To not understand these drinking patterns/habits

[Styliewyliecyote]

I was talking to a friend who said they can take or leave alcohol, arent bothered by it and only drink on special occasions such as at weddings or Christmas. I've heard many other people say this about alcohol.

This is what I don't understand - if you're not bothered by something why only have it on a special occasion?

I bloody love cake. But I'm on a diet. I will eat cake on my birthday or other special occasions because its a treat. I'm not bothered by moussaka. Its okay, i can eat it but wouldnt order it on a menu. I can take or leave it. I would not dream of eating moussaka on my birthday or other special occasions!

Why subject yourself to something you don't really like? Do they secretly love it but don't want to say? What's wrong with loving a glass of wine? In fact is it not more socially acceptable to like alcohol than not? Is it purely to adhere to social convention? Like toasting at a wedding? Why not toast with non alcohol drink of choice? Is it seen as rude not to toast with bubbly or some sort of superstition?

I can't sleep and these are my dull musings. Dull but unfortunately not dull enough to bore myself to sleep so bothering you nice people lol

I am like how you describe. I don't love alcohol but I also don't dislike it. I could go weeks without alcohol and not notice whereas I have friends, and my own husband who has to fight the urge to have a glass or two nearly every evening. I was teetotal for 3 years when my kids were babies and people were mind blown by it. I got a lot of questions about it and a lot of pressure from people saying oh sure just have one drink. It completely goes against our culture to not be a drinker and one person told me it made them uncomfortable on a night out when j wasn't drinking cus they thought I'd judge them for how drunk they got!

I will drink at special occasions as well, the same way I'd eat cake at special occasions, but I could equally go weeks without eating cake and not notice or crave cake.

For me alcohol doesn't help me destress, it gives me anxiety and its absolutely not worth the hangover as I have two special needs kids and I just couldn't cope with regular hangovers. But I can cope with it on the rare special occasion.

@AlpacaBag

Nope I'm not. Just someone who rarely drinks and faces the judgement and "awk go on on have one" so would never do it to another. Probably also because it would be weird to encourage drinking when I'm not drinking myself!

I stand by it being more socially acceptable to drink, the looks I got nit drinking on my birthday, NYE, hen night out etc.

@WaddleAway yes, what you said! Lol

Exactly this. It's just part of the celebration for me.

I do enjoy the taste of wine for example, and I appreciate good wine. But as a PP said, if tomorrow I wake up and wine has been forever wiped off the face of the earth, I literally wouldn't care one bit 🤷‍♀️

I was this type of smoker 25 years ago. Would have a couple in the pub when all my mates did. Kind of enjoyed it. Never any where close to a true habit or nicotine addiction though.

Couldn't be bothered now, both buying them, and standing out in the rain like a social pariah. They age you etc.

Maybe it's costs, not being able to drive after drinking, valuing their health or looks, tendency to evil hangovers . They just don't get enough reward from it.

This thread is actuslly a good example of what I think happened with my friend, I think she made a lot of assumptions about how I would view her rare drinking same as people assuming I'm a big drinker because I question why make a big deal out of it, do or don't!

This thread seems to explain social drinking; some people will pressure others to take a drink instead of being able to accept its not their choice, and others will cave to pressure to fit in. I find both of those behaviours odd and socially unacceptable.

I love beer and ale but only drink maybe once a month these days.

"If you love something, why not have it all the time?" is quite childish logic.

When I was a kid I told myself that I'd buy myself Kinder Eggs every single day, because I loved them so much. However I'm an adult, so I don't.

I love cake, biscuits, chocolate and Diet Coke. If I abstain from these I crave them. I rarely drink alcohol, perhaps once every couple of years. If I am at a wedding and I am offered a glass of champagne for a toast I will take it. I enjoy it but if given the choice I would choose Diet Coke as I like it better. I would drink the champagne like I drink Diet Coke and would finish it in a couple of minutes therefore I won’t have another glass as I would get extremely drunk very quickly. Sometimes when I am out I will drink cocktails. I like cocktails, the ones I choose are usually full of sugar but to be honest I would rather be somewhere where I could have some cake and Diet Coke. So I don’t dislike alcohol, but I don’t ever crave it so I rarely drink it. The same with ice cream. I never crave this and wouldn’t choose it as a dessert but when there is no choice (wedding) I would eat it and enjoy it.

Maybe think of it like make up or high heels.

I'm not fussed about either, don't bother on a daily basis. But if there is an occasion I am quite likely to wear make up and might even slide on the ankle breakers.

The difference is, alcohol alters your state of mind where as food doesn’t.

I hardly drink but will drink on special occasions. Also had quite a few Baileys over Christmas because it is one drink I actually really like the taste of. I don’t drink it all the time though due to the calorie content.

There is a lot of pressure to drink alcohol. I am also not bothered but it’s nice to toast a Bride or the New Year in or a special occasion like a birthday meal. That makes it something very different than I’m downing a few gins with Sharon from down the road on a Friday night.

This is what I don't understand - if you're not bothered by something why only have it on a special occasion?

I think when they say they 'aren't bothered about alcohol' they mean they like it, and will have a drink on a special occasion because they associate it with a celebratory mood, but don't miss it on the other 350 days of the year when they don't have it so are happy to stick with making it an occasional thing rather than spending money/consuming calories/risking a hangover on a regular basis.

My brother doesn't smoke or vape habitually. But about four times a year he will have a cigar on a special occasion. He had one on Christmas Day and he had one after a big family celebration we had in the summer, for instance. A cigar is something he enjoys on the rare occasions he has one, but he doesn't spend the rest of the time thinking 'I'd love a cigar right now but I can't have one'.

I suppose my equivalent of this is having certain friends that I enjoy seeing occasionally, but wouldn't really want to see every week. When I see them it's fine and I get enjoyment out of the evening, but equally I don't miss them if I don't see them for six months.

No one needs to justify why they do or don't want a drink. I've been asked all my life since I was about 16, if someone asks me if I want a drink I say no, if they ask aren't you drinking I say no. Not having a drink makes little or no difference to my life or theirs.

The only time I would ever comment on someone's drinking is if they were going anywhere near a car at the same time.

Oh and my sisters - they are all drinkers and I am constantly surprised by how much they can drink in a couple of hours.

I only drink at weddings and parties because I don’t see the point in drinking if there’s no dance floor.

I think you are right OP: some people do feel the need to make a statement about their drinking and go out of their way to justify or explain it.

I do find it quite striking how often people will inform me that they are not drinking. In an ideal world it wouldn’t be worthy of comment.

I think it probably largely because they feel defensive about it. Because it’s so routine that any social event in the evening involves alcohol you almost feel the need for a disclaimer.

I think a lot of people also just dont want to say that they love alcohol, because of what people might think of them.
I love wine and i drink quite often. If I could, I would probably drink it all the time. But I dont, because of the side effects. I dont want to get drunk, I dont want a hangover, I dont want to get addicted etc.
Same reason i dont eat cake all day long. I dont want to be fat, unhealthy etc.

Now when I say I love wine the response often is: You’re such an alcoholic! Usually said in a jokey way. But still, people dont like to hear that.

I have no problem not drinking. I dont need to drink alcohol. I just like it when I do. But i have enough self control to keep it healthy.

I suppose it’s like me with sprouts at Christmas. I can take them or leave them, but I’ll always have them because….well it’s the done thing init? Booze is extra difficult to refuse because people tend to think you’re either pregnant, on antibiotics, an alcoholic or just a big ‘ol party pooper if you try!

I think it's just because alcohol is a social thing that culturally we do together in groups. I also quite like chocolate milkshake, but I never buy it for myself because it's just not part of my diet, I don't crave it enough to think about buying it to have at home. The difference is that people don't hand around milkshakes to drink together at Christmas and weddings. I'd happily drink it if they did though!

I generally don't drink but might take a glass of champagne at a wedding. I like the taste; I just don't like the way it makes me feel the next day, and I also don't like the faff of being a bit hazy and not being able to drive.

One of the other main reasons people might do this, though, is the lack of alcohol-free options for toasts. Despite alcohol-free alternatives generally being more popular than they used to be, as a non drinker you're still routinely presented with orange juice in lieu of champagne at events. Bit rubbish really.

Honestly, I'm one of those people who can take it or leave it. I'm not bothered for alcohol, and never have been (I get terrible migraines so just not worth it) - in the same way I'm not bothered for a latte. Doesn't stop me having a Christmas costa though 😆

I tend to have a glass of fizz with the girls when we go out as it's a celebration (we only see each other a couple of times a year) , and probably at Christmas , or other special occasions as it feels more worthwhile the after effects!

Give me a snowball any day though

The only time I get mildly annoyed by choice of drink is when someone asks for a cup of tea when everyone else is drinking poured drinks (hard or soft). DM and DMIL especially guilty of this.

Cue several minutes spent clearing space, finding appropriate drinking vessel (DM & DMIL both picky), boiling the kettle, getting the precise strength and milk quantity (DM & DMIL having very specific requirements).

if you're not bothered by something why only have it on a special occasion?

Tradition. MIL likes a little ginger win for Christmas. She never drinks otherwise. Tradition.

I rarely drink and a take it or leave it. Nothing to do with cost or calories. I don't get why it's so difficult to understand that someone is just an occasional drinker.

This is what I don't understand - if you're not bothered by something why only have it on a special occasion?

Agree with @lljkk - tradition is a big part of it. I’m not fussed about fruit cake, but will enjoy the small slice you get given at a wedding. I look forward to a Christmas dinner, but don’t buy turkey or Christmas pudding otherwise. Context shapes our preferences. In the same way, I love a cappuccino - but not with my dinner. I like an after dinner mint, but not with a mid afternoon cup of tea.