Bar three rows , he is perfect. Do I still get rid?

[published]

Basically, as stated we've had three rows in three years.

1. He left me at a hotel on my

Own in temper because we were locked out and had to sleep in car. Silent treatment for a few days afterwards. Nobody's fault but manager.

1. He insisted we leave another hotel and weekend away after a row when I got cross that he let me sleep past dinner time . Therefore no food . I dozed off. He wasn't hungry so didn't bother . We had to

go home . He ignored me for a week.

3. He refused to provide the care he had previously offered, surrounding a serious operation when I pulled him up on being a dick to my child.Again, ignored me for days in end. Likes the silent treatment .

Otherwise he is fantastic.

Still good reasons to dump yes? I can never trust him not To let me down I'm thinking?

It depends on you. Some people are okay with the silent treatment and think it’s a normal part of life. It’s a deal breaker for other people. Only you can answer your question.

Silent treatment is wrong, abusivs, stupid and infantile (therefore deeply unattractive). It's not how a grown man should deal with conflict. It doesn't matter who was right or wrong in the specifics of the arguments. I think you need to get rid and find a man who can handle his emotions maturely.

Dump.

He's not remotely 'perfect' OP. And by the way, no one is. 'Perfect' is not something to be aiming for in a relationship. Decent, kind, thoughtful, honest, reliable - that's more like it

Yes, obviously bin him. He sounds awful

I think I remember your thread on number (1).

Dump

He's not perfect, they are MAJOR issues. I hate the silent treatment

He's a man child, get rid. Don't tolerate shit

Yes, you need to get rid. By the way, anyone who is a dick to your child isn’t fantastic or perfect.

How the hell can these fuckwits ever be deemed so fantastic?

That is one of life's mysteries to me.

I remember your 'locked out of the hotel' thread.

The question isn't whether or not his behaviour is abusive (it is); or what Mumsnet will advise (run for the hills and don't look back). The question is if you will listen to us this time.

Why are you still with him?
How bad does it have to get before you will leave?
What would support you to take action?

For the sake of your child raise your standards and get rid of him.

I remember your previous threads. He needs to go, he is not a nice man.

God yes. Awful behaviour and still no action. Only 3 rows?
these aren’t rows OP they are examples of abusive behaviour

You’ve been told this before - many times.

It's not the rows.

Silent treatment is manipulative controlling behaviour designed to keep you anxious, unsettled and confused.

It maybe that's how his parent/s behaved and that's all he knows. That's a shame.

In other things, has he shown himself capable of change and growth?

Because if not, it's down to his personality.

It will only get worse.

So you have a decision to make.

If you're the poster that I'm thinking of, you've been told before to leave him as he really, really doesn't treat you well.

Treating your child like a dick, the silent treatment for days - which part of these actions shows a "perfect" man that treats you with the love and respect you deserve? It's one thing to turn a blind eye to shitty behaviours because you love him but it's another thing to let a child be impacted by their mum's boyfriend. Please leave him OP.

Posters I did get rid of him but a couple of friends find it incredible that I did so considering there were only three rows .

He was short with my son and that's when I pulled him up on it and that's when he withdrew his offer of care and when I dumped him.
I needed to make sure that I wasn't because bf too hasty.
It seems that the silent treatment is their normal in their relationship so I needed reassurance more than anything.

I dont Need to say that he is hoovering hard, or at least trying to.
He has no access to me directly .

You really have to ask about dumping a bloke who was a dick to your child? Really?
That alone would have me kicking his childish arse to the kerb.

LTB he will let you down again and again . Think how your child sees his behaviour.

It wasn't "only three rows" though as he has shown a pattern of manipulative behaviour which is stretching to not only you, but your child too.

He's incredibly manipulative - you'd had an operation and because you asked him not to be short with your son he withdrew his offer of care?! What sort of person refuses to care for a partner after an operation, full stop?! That's abhorrent in itself - you were vulnerable and he decided to remove his care when you needed it the most to punish you for calling him out on his bad behaviour. He wants you to be less likely to call him out in the future, it's classic manipulation.

Please be reassured by all of us here that the silent treatment is not, or shouldn't be, normal behaviour in a relationship. It's a technique emotional abusers use in order to get you to do what they want and it's their way of punishing you when you don't. Why be with someone who feels it's appropriate to punish you like a naughty child until you apologise for whatever he things you've done wrong?

You know deep down he's no good for you or you wouldn't keep coming back to post about him.

Sulking and silent treatment are a total deal breaker for me.

1. well done!

2. stop telling yourself (because that's who you're trying to convince) that it was 'only three rows'

3. start telling yourself and the friends you're also trying to convince that 'it was only three rows'

4)Start telling the truth 'HE WAS A DICK TO MY CHILD'

5. 'HE EMOTIONALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY ABUSED ME'

Also OP I'd just add - your friends might not get the full understanding of his silent treatment to you.
After an argument, a lot of couples take an hour or so away from each other to cool off. If my partner and I argue, I'll take myself off to another room to relax, calm down, think about the situation logically and then we will speak to each other when we've chilled out a bit in order to talk through our issues and see each other's points of view in a more rational and less emotionally-charged light. This is normal and this is fine.
Ignoring you for a week is not, in any way shape or form, normal. There's a big difference between stepping away from an argument for a short while to clear heads before working things out and what your boyfriend is doing to you.

First, well done! Stay strong and be true to yourself and your decision to safeguard your own and your child's wellbeing.

Secondly, if friends (or family) are making you doubt yourself, then I'd question how healthy those friendships are. Someone has taught you that this guy is what a good relationship looks like, that this is all you can expect. These are not people you want in your life.

Well done OP 💪

Ah @published that's brilliant!

Friends don't see what actually goes on in your relationship.

Friends also often feel motivated to protect the status quo, whether it's in your best interests or not!