to think there are a LOT of harsh, angry people on MN at the moment?

[ChamberLink]

I've been on MN under various user names for over 12 years and I am struck by the vitriolic posts made by so many posters these days. It seems that so many people are angry and bitter and take pleasure in spreading this around.

I don't remember it being like this before. AIBU was, perhaps, more predominantly light hearted. These days it's an ugly pile on usually at the expense of some vulnerable person who has posted for advice / help.

There's such harsh tone to so many people's responses and it growing worse.

It this a symptom of increasingly difficult circumstances for so many people these days? I am not British and it's jarring to read so many hard line stances and so many fractured family dynamics.

What's going on with people? Where's the empathy gone?

You can tell when voting is out of kilter with responses many just look at responses and think sod engaging with that for a game of soldiers. Typical threads / posters like this.

Still, I appreciate more intelligent responses from many and some are posts are genuinely funny and make me laugh

Case and point the current thread about a lady in pain who feels the GP receptionist blocked her having what she feels is an important appointment with her GP.

I'm assuming some of the replies are from GP receptionists making out she's wrong there really are some nasty people on there.

I don't think it's MN so much as the internet in general.

The change you described in MN is a microcosm of internet culture itself.

Remember how light hearted, supportive, funny and non judgemental 90s chatrooms were....Now compare with Twitter today.

I don't think it's so much a change in society as the advent and popularisation of social media platforms whose algorithms are designed to encourage arguments and pile ons because they generate the most traffic for advertisers.

There are some posters on here who can't seem to just disagree with another's opinion, or debate a topic - they have to make personal attacks on posters and throw around insults (often prefaced with "no offence but..." or "I don't want to insult you but..." followed by an obvious insult).

I think it's a combination of insecurity and a lack of critical thinking. They feel personally attacked when their opinion is disagreed with, so they want the other person to feel the same.

If you report those posts they usually get removed.

Or someone relates a very sensitive personal issue and the replies pick apart their grammar. Those posters lack empathy, perhaps because of the online format. They probably wouldn't be so cruel face to face.

I think there's a set of posters who seem to think that discussing something is the same as getting at individuals.

In some instances you see direct attack "why don't you?"

But often, you can see that posters are moving from their own personal circs to a broader issue in one post. And if you respond that to that broader point, you may get "but you are negating me - not respecting my experience - do not understand". One point last week I was accused of basically being drunk or laughing at another poster - I just ignored it. She did actually expect me to be thinking of her in that way.

But individual experience is interesting, it doesn't or shouldn't shut down a broader issue.

There is a great appetite for labels. Us and then. Brexiteer. Remoaner. Publix sector vs private sector. Labour v Tory. Trans, feminist, TERF. Do that in real life and someone will get into a physical fight with you or think you are odd.

I often respond to the political stuff here but I notice this a lot. And this labeling is aggressive. It is possible to discuss things without labels, but does require a fair bit more thought.

I found it really odd that people had done an advanced search and used other posts to attack me. I mean, why would you bother bringing my religious beliefs into a post about potato scallops.

People do take things enormously personally. Even in Style and Beauty. A little while ago some one remarked about how so many people wear dark/black clothes/costs over winter. The numbers of people saying the poster was being bitchy/sneering was amazing, bringing in cost of living, we can’t all go out and buy new coats. It was such an odd reaction. And on the white trainers thread, are they going out of style (often married with a floral dress/denim jackets), what else to look for. My God! You might just as well have insulted someone’s mum.

sorry if this has already been covered - in this thread - but im new to mumsnet but must have missed something. aibu section - where does it say you will have your arse handed to you because that's the way it the section works. people talk about vipers and knowing what you'll get if you post in this section, but how the hell are newbys supposed to know that. its put me off mumsnet a bit. how did it even start about aibu being horrible to people, or they can say what they like to the anyone even if it means people feel like total crap. confused im not a mind reader, do people guess what aibu is like on their own.

Someone new to the site isn’t going to know that AIBU is a bear pit. Best to post in the specific part of the site that matches your issue, relationships, etc. But of course you won’t know that.

Absolutely this is a problem! I've been on and off mumsnet for about 16 years all told. Posted something the other day with as much info as I thought pertinent, and answered q as they came up. Replies started off pretty sensible and answered the q i had asked. Then ppl started making personal comments based on their own assumptions, totally ignoring the facts which had already been posted. Were in direct contradiction of said facts. And when I got defensive (and salty) about having to say the same thing over and over and still being called nasty stuff while they deliberately (?) ignored the facts, got attacked about my reaction to that too.

There were a few pleasant ppl who stuck to the facts and their answer to the q, but on the whole, I feel I have now experienced the famous nest of vipers! Wasn't even in AIBU either!

I agree with you OP. I've been here for 17 years and have been surprised at the general tone more recently.

The proportion of nasty, judgmental and downright unkind posters seems much higher than it used to be, and the old supportive, wise, funny tone is lacking.

It seems to be worse during the night than the daytime.

It's a huge shame. Mumsnet used to be a great source of support and good balanced advice. I miss the good humoured nest of vipers!

Rather people be harsh on here then in real life I suppose

Geez, further to my previous comment, I thought I was doing the right thing putting a trigger warning in a title, and the very first comment accuses of click bait. WTF is wrong with ppl. It's seriously not worth posting when you get reactions like this.

I know someone who is very vulnerable and would really benefit the advice on here if I could guarantee they would receive kindness and support, but I cannot chance it; the site has changed drastically. I have been here on and off for a long time and it is so hurtful and uncomfortable seeing a distressed OP being torn apart and their story being distorted/not read clearly.

I think a good system on here could be you that you’re only allowed to change your username once every three months.

The people who derail threads with hostility are nearly always unintelligent as they don’t even read the opening OP properly and invent stories that rarely match what is in the OP.

So true. As well as being extremely frustrating, people like that are likely to make a stressed out person feel so much worse about themselves and their situation. I had a dilemma maybe 10 years ago and got a lot of good advice, but I wouldn't be so sure of it nowadays.

@ChamberLink I do agree with you - and yet I know that sometimes I get drawn into that style of posting myself!

If you ever want an antidote to AIBU and want something that restores your faith in British society a bit, I suggest watching Repair Shop on the BBC. This is a very gentle show where you see families who love each other, colleagues who get on and people who treasure gifts (not even expensive ones most of the time) that they have been given from beloved relatives who have since passed away.

I think it’s largely because this forum has been invaded by InCels who take pleasure in giving women a good kicking. Particularly if a woman seems to be vulnerable or low.

I’m shocked at how nasty people on Mumsnet are. Somebody starts a thread and 90% of the replies are just being argumentative with the OP. I put it down as a culture thing (I’m not English), but I be on Reddit as well and people there are so much nicer and supportive.

It’s always been like this.

If you don’t like it, no-one’s forcing you to hang around.

It’s easy enough to just take what you need from a forum like MN.

I would never start a thread of my own, because yes, this can be an utterly vicious place.

It’s everyone’s choice to be as involved as they want to be.

Nobody HAS to start threads on here. More fool those who do.

Honestly - a thread like this is stated every single day. Nothing ever changes. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think it is reflective of an individualist shift in society and a polarisation of views. Labels are a big thing at the moment but you can't create a label without being exclusionary and they end up being both reductionist and polarising. But also people have always had a tendency to turn nastier when they think they are anonymous/unobserved - just look at the Stanford Prison Experiment. I sometimes think some of it is performative too with people propping up low self esteem by making themselves out to be some kind of paragon.

I've been on this site for about 3 years on and off. I NEVER post anything bc of how cruel some mn are in the comments.
I'd love to be able to, but I've seen how cruel some can be and I can't be doing with that. Fancy telling someone to leave their husband bc their husband doesn't like the cat?!

I'd like a dm to the nice forum please!

I do agree that people can be quite harsh, but I think it might also depend on the topic/question. I posted on here and I found everyone really helpful and supportive, it really helped me when I was feeling so low