to think there are a LOT of harsh, angry people on MN at the moment?

[ChamberLink]

I've been on MN under various user names for over 12 years and I am struck by the vitriolic posts made by so many posters these days. It seems that so many people are angry and bitter and take pleasure in spreading this around.

I don't remember it being like this before. AIBU was, perhaps, more predominantly light hearted. These days it's an ugly pile on usually at the expense of some vulnerable person who has posted for advice / help.

There's such harsh tone to so many people's responses and it growing worse.

It this a symptom of increasingly difficult circumstances for so many people these days? I am not British and it's jarring to read so many hard line stances and so many fractured family dynamics.

What's going on with people? Where's the empathy gone?

Now realised I have posted on the first page of a thread.
Oops.
I stop doing that generally, as cue lots of posts disagreeing with whatever has been written on the first page of anything.

I will DM you.
I dont want lots of MNs on there!

I'm going to offer a different view and say, at least on the political stuff, its great to have a place where you can debate things.

Though it would be better if it were more of a robust discussion, than polarised attacks.

I agree on the lack of empathy towards people in distress though.

I think people frankly calling out shit relationships is good too, there actually needs to be more of this in real life rather than people, ' not wanting to interfere.'

You do get some horrible replies but im often warmed by people increasingly jumping into defend. On one of my threads, not aibu, someone made a comment, not bad but a little unnecessarily snarky, and someone else politely but firmly shot it down

Ive seen this across the site and do think the good and kind outweighs the bad. I now make an effort to comment positively after experiencing how nice is it.

Ive seen this across the site and do think the good and kind outweighs the bad

There are some really, insightful, wise and empathetic women on here. That is true.

Are you not on any other social media?

This isn't something about MN, it's the internet in general.

This is why I am still here. Differing political views, feminism boards - cat stuff.

But the way posters get treated sometimes when they talk about personal stuff is very upsetting. I often think "if a friend came to you in crisis, and told you this, is this how you would respond?" Because it's not. Or if it is, the friend would not confide.

The answer to your question is generally yes. It spans a wide range of behaviour from how they treat other road users to the way they treat retail staff. I still think it’s a minority but it’s a growing one. I find it interesting that one of the worst MN crimes is selfishness when so many posts reflect “every one for themselves”.

I've been here for 20 years and I know it has coloured my view of society. Sometimes, I can't believe that people think the way they do, when being completely honest and anonymous. It does feel more aggressive but then I think wider society is more selfish and less tolerant of different viewpoints too. I have had many laughs and the odd bit of support for various things though.

Are people truly that cold towards step-children? Do people really go non-contact for such trivial reasons as you see listed on here?

From reading the many posts on there it really does seem like a breakdown in the fabric of family and society?

This is a bit much IMO - I think that in general there is so much better understanding of e.g. stepfamilies now than there was in the past. You hear some awful stories on threads asking for posters' childhood experiences for example.

Of course some people are always abusive dicks. Whether they are more or less likely to be on MN these days I have no idea.

I don't think people go no contact over trivial reasons. Usually if you think somebody has then they are lying or you don't have the full story. The vast majority of people maintain contact with their relatives even if that contact is actively harmful.

What does fractured family dynamics mean? MN has always been supportive of e.g. single mothers, which is generally a good counter to society's general attitude that they are the scum of the earth.

I’ve been thinking about this recently. A few years ago I posted a thread about toddlers at a library whilst I was writing my dissertation. I checked back about an hour later and there were hundreds of responses. I assumed everyone was slaughtering me so didn’t read any of the responses. I checked the thread recently and most of the commenters were supportive of me. I feel like that level of high traffic and good quality responses don’t really happen now. I think people tend to post more on polarising or outrageous threads, but before you could post anything and get a decent conversation/help from people

It's not unique to MN - it's social media in general. Twitter, FB groups etc are the same. An anonymous forum to vent petty grievances without the consequences of owning up to them in real life.

On the plus side I've personally found useful tips, info and support on a range of issues, so its not all bad.
It's also a useful reminder that people have different life experiences and some people's lives are much, much harder than mine. It's definitely made me pull myself together and stop moaning about something minor more than once.

May I have a DM too please?

It’s no different from any other SM imvho. SM is making monsters of us. The performative demands for perfection, shaming, lack of forgiveness, using victimhood to “win” discussions, refusal to discuss in good faith, making accusations of huge, irredeemable character flaws such as racism, dishonesty, phobias of all kinds, because others happen to hold a different opinion to you - usually fairly mainstream views - and they won’t back down. The reductive Goodies & Baddies approach to every subject. It’s beyond depressing.

I see how it’s happened. Several years ago I was like it. It feels great to be able to shut people down with a pithy description of your pain and victimhood - shame them into backing off - unfortunately this means there’s no real resolution to any discussion and those who are prepared to use these methods “win” every time. It’s addictive. I can’t see how it can improve tbh. This is just how we communicate now. Personally I try to push back without getting sucked in and if I find myself getting angry or frustrated I just hide the thread or turn off notifications and leave the tweet/FB post. Once you do that it no longer exists and you forget all about it. I recommend it highly 😊

Me three if you don't mind?

It is the regular benefit bashing and social housing bashing that have made me begin to post less on MN. So depressing. Plus the fact that the site doesn't seem to work properly on my phone.

MN definitely makes me fearful of reactions in RL. The mean spiritedness and desperation to think the absolute worst of people is now something I am on high alert for in RL interactions. It’s important to remember that a lot of it is performative on here and most people are actually quite nice if you get them on their own, one to one.

Though they have always been around, I do agree that there are more people on here who clearly live with personality disorders (no, not "narcs"). I guess it's because... there are more people on here!

Flat forums like this are vulnerable to being derailed by people like this. I don't know what the solution is. I wish we could collectively learn to allow their voices without being distracted or derailed by them. It turns every thread into a pointless fight club, and allows a minority to control everyone else's discourse.

People who talk very frankly about their disordered relationships with others should be heard, I think? They aren't often heard in real life, as they sit in their houses not talking to anybody or answering their door etc, but they still exist and matter as humans. So I don't want to ban them. But that's not the same as being helplessly manipulated by them, drawn into pointless bickering, diverted into circular, vicious fights.

There are some people who, for whatever reason, set the cat amongst the pigeons. It's really on us to not be pigeons.

It’s becoming clearer to me that interaction with people (assuming they’re real people and not bots) on MN or elsewhere on the internet is an entirely new thing to me. I know how to interact with people at work, with my friends and family, with strangers here and abroad etc. But people on the internet are different from all the above. You need different skills to handle that type of interaction.

Occasionally (rarely) on MN you come across what is call “authentic” voices. These are people who sound like real-life people. Their posts tend to be longer, nuanced, genuine in their emotion (not overly anything). More often, though, posts tend to be short and exclamatory and emotive. These posters are, I think, scratching an itch of their own. They’re not contributing to a dialogue or adding to a conversation - they’re bursting in with a megaphone, shouting their words out loud, then leaving.

Absolutely. It appears that everyone just wants to be mean these days. I have seen it on many threads in recent months then the harry and Meghan saga exasperated it. I stepped away from the site.

One of the problems with forums is that you are seeing peoples' opinions, out of context and in isolation. In RL I have friends of various political shades and who have different approaches and opinions on many things from education to space travel to vaccines. I don't agree with them on everything but because I know the person, and not just the opinion, I've just factored those differences into our relationship, plus because I know the whole person I understand why those differences might arise.

There are some threads / posters I automatically don’t bother with and tbh it makes a far more amenable place.

There are some sections I still like though

I've been on since 2007 when I first searched for help on why my baby was pulling their ears and crying. I think it has changed as awareness has increased - as the tabloids have run stories from MN. But if you stay out of AIBU and ask your specific question in the relevant subject area, then you'll get incredibly useful advice in no time at all on areas from SEN to employment rights. It's an amazing resource.

I think a lot of people use it as a cathartic outlet. They have a shit life, are angry about it and take it out on others. Probably more about now because of the economic climate.

I think it has changed as awareness has increased - as the tabloids have run stories from MN.
Yes, I think this and Mn publishing threads on social media attracts the trolls.

Agreed.

People on her are so stuck up and full of themselves. I used to post but everyone just wants to criticise, attack, embarrass or call you out for things. Now when I want to post, I use another forum too, as a PP mentioned. The people are sooooooo much more nicer and helpful.