to think there are a LOT of harsh, angry people on MN at the moment?

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I've been on MN under various user names for over 12 years and I am struck by the vitriolic posts made by so many posters these days. It seems that so many people are angry and bitter and take pleasure in spreading this around.

I don't remember it being like this before. AIBU was, perhaps, more predominantly light hearted. These days it's an ugly pile on usually at the expense of some vulnerable person who has posted for advice / help.

There's such harsh tone to so many people's responses and it growing worse.

It this a symptom of increasingly difficult circumstances for so many people these days? I am not British and it's jarring to read so many hard line stances and so many fractured family dynamics.

What's going on with people? Where's the empathy gone?

I made a thread about how my partner was taking ages to go to the supermarket for me when I had covid and half the responses were telling me to leave him

Wow. Horrible :(

For example there was a thread about a DH saying to his wife he didn’t think he could manage their baby ( less than 3 months) and toddler if she went to a hen for 3 days. Now Ofc there are issues and precedents about whether each parent can go away for a break/ look after kids alone/ freedom and independence and workload and all the rest of it, but so quickly you had posters saying DH is a lazy selfish arse whereas more likely he was just thinking omg I’m not sure I can do this. A bit of compassion and constructive suggestions are far more helpful and thankfully do appear in some posts but they seem to be the minority

Not sure. Years ago when I was pregnant (so 13 years ago). I used the site babyworld and they always used to talk about Mumsnet AIBU being absolutely brutal and horrible. I never even knew about this site back then to be honest but people definitely used to think it. Maybe it’s less harsh now? Any opinions that aren’t woke etc and people start shouting for the thread to be deleted. Things get shut down immediately and reported. Deep down there are only a few opinions that are allowed on this board.

Absolutely agree!! It's draining as you can't actually get any decent replies to queries.

The replies are always so negative.
"My DH didn't put the bin out on time" replies: "Leave him now!!! Horrible person. Red flag"

I saw a thread a few days ago where someone used a phrase that people didn’t like. No one answered her simple question, they mocked and sneered at her choice of words, used that idiotic vomit emoji, the works. It was nasty and entirely unnecessary and I was a bit baffled by it. The first couple of answers often set the tone for a thread and subsequent posters become emboldened to be tossers. That clearly was in play here. An odd first instinct, to sneer.

I think also lots of people can’t stick to the point in hand and see threads as an opportunity to jump on their own particular hobby horse. So things can expectedly erupt/be derailed as posters engage in their bickering as the thread rolls on. It’s knackering. Like trying to avoid drunks down the pub.

I wouldn't go that far. The forum is synoymous with the trans debate, and not in a way that many would classify as woke. (Not arguing about the rights or wrongs of that, but it's obviously there.)

Thanks to everyone who replied. I am saddened to read so many echoing my thoughts.
When I started reading / posting on here over a decade ago, there were some contentious threads (lots about breastfeeding V formula feeding / SAHM V Working mums but by and large it was a more supportive place to hang out.
There were a lot more funny threads where crazy things, either real or imagined, happened to people and it didn't really matter because it was entertaining to read.
Now, as pp's have said, it seems like EVERY post is ripped asunder and the poster is attacked personally and holes are poked until the whole thing falls apart.

I have also read too many posts in the past 6 months where blended families are clearly not working for anyone and my heart always aches for the poor kids stuck in these situations that are not of their making. I think perhaps dysfunctional family dynamics are having a real impact.

The Christmas threads were FULL of angst this year - and not all focused on the expense as you might expect, but so many of them featured people who were so angry with their family and friends. That was quite shocking to me.

I like robust debate and always liked reading MN for that but yes, definitely find it has become much more rude. It's the way people say things that gets me (not even on AIBU). Picking posts apart and highlighting one small aspect or taking things out of context, quoting one bit and replying in a way that suggests the OP insisted xx is always the case. TBF I think sometimes it's the same people doing this as they enjoy it. I think the best way is just to ignore those posts.

Na na na na na na na na na na na na net huns

(Sung to Batman theme)

I agree OP. I returned to mumsnet last year after a long break to find many of the posters are quite something.

And I would never ask for advice on here for fear of the often ridiculous, unsympathetic, condescending, whataboutery responses. Often it feels like people head here solely for a bun fight.

Agree

I tend to wonder what the other side of the story is, we only every get one side of a story and it's naturally made to sound as bad as possible by the poster to elicit a response. In many cases I suspect that the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

Also, I think this generally gets disregarded but there are a LOT of troll posts designed either to whip up anger about stuff (immigration, benefits etc) or single issue groups like MRAs who want to shit stir. People are not nearly wary enough about having their opinions spoon fed to them or sharing personal information. MN must be an absolute goldmine for troll farms, scammers and the media.

I also agree with whoever said that people treat the whole site like Aibu now. The dominance of aibu is not a good thing, imho.

I worry about the current generation of young adults growing up with this. Very few topics of conversation where you can have a nuanced discussion or think out loud. You have to 100% hold one view or its exact opposite. No shades of grey allowed. No consideration for how someone else may think or feel if their opinion or circumstances are different to yours. Very little imagination. Very little meeting in the middle.

Phrases that are evidently hyperbolic for effect taken literally! Argh the pedantry and lack of humour!

In the old days of Mumsnet you would get posters actually conceding points to other posters. So many people now are
almost wanting or waiting to take offence and sorry - this is not a popular view - but so many people feeling slighted or carrying around hurts and injustices as if they are the only people who have ever experienced them.

And so much bias I find against mothers, especially middle aged mothers. On a site for parents! They are the people who everyone blames and that’s ok! The “Karens”.

So many threads about how their mothers have hurt them. Or aren’t delighted to look after the gc five days a week. How dare they have a life and interests of their own!

I am obviously not talking about genuine abuse or parental cruelty but about instances of perceived neglect or perceived slights. The fact that your mother stayed with you when your father buggered off and didn’t contact you for 10 years counts for nothing. The middle aged women seems to me to be fair game.

Another particular bugbear of mine is people making emphatic definitive statements about matters entirely subjective!

But the worst thing is the lack of compassion. When someone posts a thread in distress about some parental difficulty they are having and everyone piles on the poster. It seems very cruel to me. As if everyone is a faultless parent!

I clock the irony of me saying all of these things btw and know I am guilty of being hyper critical myself about some things but aaahhhh that felt good 😀

I agree.

Totally agree!

Me too please

MNHQ need to increase their moderation team, to get rid of abusive posters and trolls quicker.

I do wonder at the size of their moderation team, if it’s a handful of mods they are woefully under staffed.

Never known a forum where so much vitriol is posted and left to gather pace.

Will do.

Up to about 8 currently.

I am copying and pasting the same message.

I think this site is bad for my mental health but not sure what else to go on 😢

you are definitely not being unreasonable!!
Never come across so much vitriol on a forum

I wholeheartedly agree. I dip in and out over the years and usually. come back when Google suggests a post for something I'm trying to find an answer to. But the bitchiness is something else. Mean, nasty comments that we would no tolerate if we found out our kids were acting that way. Equally, totally lame reasons for falling out with family, entitledness (?), "go in all guns blazing to school" posts over such minor things.

I don't live in the UK anymore and it is helps me with my occasional homesick feelings as I think, if that's what society is like back there now, I'm glad I'm out of it!

@lightand I'd like a pm too if you don't mind😊 Thank you.

I have found that I am becoming more addicted to this site though. I would usually just glance on it, and perhaps reply to the odd thing. Now it seems like a bloody compulsion.

I seriously need to get off this site.