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Original poster

Teenage sexual assault - big deal or no deal?

92 replies

TiredButNotGoingToSleep · 16/01/2023 22:49

So when I was 14 I was taken into an allyway by a homeless man I'd got chatting to. He kind of walked me that way and I was too scared to say, 'hang on, I don't want to go down here". When we were. Out of sight at the back of the ally he pushed me up against a wall and touched me all over. Tried to undress me. He was very forceful and I couldn't get away. He was so syrong. He was kissing me and I couldn't get his lips away. I thought he was going to rape me. I finally freed my mouth and screamed. There was commotion at a window above the ally and he stopped what he was doing, put his arm round me strongly, and walked me out of the ally and told me not to tell anyone. I never told anyone. Thats about it.

Anyway, I'm having therapy about something else and want to raise it, but I honestly don't know if this is a big deal thing or something not that big of a deal. It feels a big deal to me, but he didn't rape me. Nothing really happened other than I was touched up a bit, slightly undressed and was scared I would be raped.

What will the therapist think? Is this like a big deal or not really? If this happened to you, do u think it would effect you? I'm trying to make sense of it all but I feel like I'm so used to people using me, especially in the past, that I don't really know how I feel or what would be normal reactions to this event (which happened 30 years ago!)

OP posts:
picklik · 16/01/2023 22:51

Very big deal. I'm sorry this happened to you. You were only a child. Definitely worth exploring this with your therapist.

Original poster
TiredButNotGoingToSleep · 16/01/2023 22:53

Thanks. Very big deal? How would most people react to this? I feel really numb to it, it's only in the last few years I've started to think about it again.

OP posts:
Nanalisa60 · 16/01/2023 22:53

Well it is a brig deal if it still in your head, definitely tell the therapist.

Original poster
TiredButNotGoingToSleep · 16/01/2023 22:55

Would other people be bothered by this do you think? Maybe I'm just making a mountain out of a mole hill? Don't want the therapist to think I'm a drama queen or moaning unnecessarily about something minor?

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 16/01/2023 22:55

Oh my dear. It is a big deal for many reasons.

MadameDe · 16/01/2023 22:56

If it feels a big deal to you, then it's a big deal. The therapist is there for you.

Eas1lyd1stracted · 16/01/2023 22:56

It sounds traumatic. But there is also nothing that is too big or small to bring to therapy. Whatever matters to you, you deserve support with. Your therapist isn't there to judge you

Goodread1 · 16/01/2023 22:58

It certainly something you need help and support to deal with,

I am Sorry you experienced such A Arsehole as that in your life ...

Original poster
TiredButNotGoingToSleep · 16/01/2023 22:58

MadameDe · 16/01/2023 22:56

If it feels a big deal to you, then it's a big deal. The therapist is there for you.

But would other people see it as a big deal? I don't want to raise it if she thinks it's just life and I should really be over it now? I don't think it's effected me in anyway, I just never told anyone about it and I think about it quite a lot

OP posts:
Shadow1986 · 16/01/2023 22:58

Sorry to hear this OP. I had a similar experience when I was 14. It also plays on my mind occasionally. I think now I have children who are not far off that age it’s kind of hit me how wrong it was of him and I’m pretty angry about it. Not that anything could be done now. I would definitely share with your therapist.

Rewis · 16/01/2023 22:58

Don't want the therapist to think I'm a drama queen or moaning unnecessarily about something minor?

You should really bring this up in therapy in addition to the sexual assault. There is no thing "too small" in therapy

AtrociousCircumstance · 16/01/2023 22:59

OP this is a big deal.

People can talk about anything in therapy. A decent therapist will work with whatever is bothering the client, big or small. And this event in your life was big - a trauma.

It sounds like you repressed the effects of this assault for a long time (made a molehill out of a mountain) in order to get on with your life. Now you have a chance to address it. And you have every right to feel however you feel about it.

MsVestibule · 16/01/2023 22:59

We're a similarish age and I'm pretty sure this would affect me, even after all these years. I was sexually assaulted on the tube about 30 years ago and I still think about it sometimes and I didn't feel in any danger of rape (the train was packed).

Please tell your therapist about this.

Original poster
TiredButNotGoingToSleep · 16/01/2023 23:00

Shadow1986 · 16/01/2023 22:58

Sorry to hear this OP. I had a similar experience when I was 14. It also plays on my mind occasionally. I think now I have children who are not far off that age it’s kind of hit me how wrong it was of him and I’m pretty angry about it. Not that anything could be done now. I would definitely share with your therapist.

I'm sorry shadow. Have you ever told anyone? If you did, did it help in anyway, or is it something you think we should just put down to a weird experience and not bother revisiting?

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 16/01/2023 23:00

Ps any therapist who doesn’t recognise sexual assault as a big deal, and worthy of their time and support, is a travesty and should be kicked out of the profession.

SomethingOriginal2 · 16/01/2023 23:00

Very big deal. At the very least sexual assault but it sounds like attempted rape. Definitely something to tell your therapist

Original poster
TiredButNotGoingToSleep · 16/01/2023 23:03

MsVestibule · 16/01/2023 22:59

We're a similarish age and I'm pretty sure this would affect me, even after all these years. I was sexually assaulted on the tube about 30 years ago and I still think about it sometimes and I didn't feel in any danger of rape (the train was packed).

Please tell your therapist about this.

I'm sorry you experienced that. Have you ever told anyone about it? Why? Why not? Do u think it's worth talking about, or better just to put it down to a weird thing that happened and try and forget it?

OP posts:
SuperLoudPoppingAction · 16/01/2023 23:04

If therapists went around thinking people should just get over things and not talk about them in therapy, there wouldn't be very much therapy at all!
The whole point is to bring things that are on your mind, and have company and a mirror while you talk them through.

Nothing is too small, but even if something could be fairly small, sexual assault is quite big. It sounds like you were really frightened by it.

BraveGoldie · 16/01/2023 23:05

OP, it is completely understandable that this has affected you and completely right, therefore, to bring up with your therapist. Any even half good therapist (or half good human being!) would view this as important, meaningful and want you to be able to talk about it.

You should feel free to bring up anything at all with your therapist. Even if it is objectively tiny, if it upsets you - it matters. And therapy is your space to talk about what matters to you and explore it. Whether other people would feel the same isn't the point. Your feelings are important and this is your space.

On top of that, this is not objectively tiny. If you do need reassurance for now, that others would see this as important- then yes, This would be a really big deal with most people. I would have been terrified and it would definitely have stuck with me and affected me a great deal. I am so sorry it happened to you.

I hope you feel able to share it in therapy in a way that is helpful for you. Flowers

Rainbowshit · 16/01/2023 23:06

I think the vast majority would think this is a very big deal.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Shadow1986 · 16/01/2023 23:06

TiredButNotGoingToSleep · 16/01/2023 23:00

I'm sorry shadow. Have you ever told anyone? If you did, did it help in anyway, or is it something you think we should just put down to a weird experience and not bother revisiting?

Show quote history

Actually, I told someone for the first time the other day. And I was contemplating posting about it on here the other day too, just to get it off my chest. So I can definitely sympathise with the feeling of thinking about it a lot. Yes I think saying it out loud helped and to hear someone else sympathise and tell how wrong it was, did make me feel a bit better.

Borris · 16/01/2023 23:08

I would say it's a big deal ((((hugs))))
It sounds terrifying

Original poster
TiredButNotGoingToSleep · 16/01/2023 23:09

Shadow1986 · 16/01/2023 23:06

Actually, I told someone for the first time the other day. And I was contemplating posting about it on here the other day too, just to get it off my chest. So I can definitely sympathise with the feeling of thinking about it a lot. Yes I think saying it out loud helped and to hear someone else sympathise and tell how wrong it was, did make me feel a bit better.

Show quote history

Thanks shadow. That's helpful. Glad u found raising it was helpful. I think I will bring it up, but just feel a bit weird about it as it's not really very current and I'm the grand scheme of things it's not really impacted me that much I think

OP posts:
thepatronsaintofbubblewrap · 16/01/2023 23:10

A good therapist will never think or tell you anything you say is worthless/not important.
Yes it is a big deal. That's child molestation. It happened to me also.
Be kind enough to yourself xxxx

Ihatethenewlook · 16/01/2023 23:11

Do you have a child op? How would you feel if this happened to your 14yo daughter? I’ve got a 14yo daughter and either me or her dad would be in prison if this happened to her, I’d literally murder and serve a life sentence to anyone who did that to my child.