Teenage sexual assault - big deal or no deal?

[TiredButNotGoingToSleep]

So when I was 14 I was taken into an allyway by a homeless man I'd got chatting to. He kind of walked me that way and I was too scared to say, 'hang on, I don't want to go down here". When we were. Out of sight at the back of the ally he pushed me up against a wall and touched me all over. Tried to undress me. He was very forceful and I couldn't get away. He was so syrong. He was kissing me and I couldn't get his lips away. I thought he was going to rape me. I finally freed my mouth and screamed. There was commotion at a window above the ally and he stopped what he was doing, put his arm round me strongly, and walked me out of the ally and told me not to tell anyone. I never told anyone. Thats about it.

Anyway, I'm having therapy about something else and want to raise it, but I honestly don't know if this is a big deal thing or something not that big of a deal. It feels a big deal to me, but he didn't rape me. Nothing really happened other than I was touched up a bit, slightly undressed and was scared I would be raped.

What will the therapist think? Is this like a big deal or not really? If this happened to you, do u think it would effect you? I'm trying to make sense of it all but I feel like I'm so used to people using me, especially in the past, that I don't really know how I feel or what would be normal reactions to this event (which happened 30 years ago!)

Absolutely a big enough deal to bring up in therapy. If it was me I would want to talk about it, not a mole mountain situation at all.

It doesn't matter how other people would react or what anyone would think. It is on your mind and it is salient to therapy, so you should discuss it. I'm sorry you went through such a horrible experience.

Tha sounds absolutely terrifying. It's a big deal. No one would walk away from that situation shrugging their shoulders and thinking, oh well never mind.

I clicked YABU, not because it's not a big deal, that's completely for you to decide and it's in your head so clearly seems to be.

But YABU for thinking about not telling your therapist. They are more qualified than random strangers on here and know a lot more about you and your life. Tell them everything that's on your mind, they won't judge.

Horrible comment.

The OP might be an adult now but the victim of the assault was 14 and the 14 year old little girl who was terrified in that alley deserves every bit of attention the OP might be crying out for. Therapy will help her go back, hold that 14 yr olds hand and tell her that everything will be ok. She can then hopefully move on.

@Pollysprocket you just sound so completely ignorant with your post.

L

If it's a big deal to you, it's a big deal for the therapist. That's the whole point of therapy, talking about incidents that have upset you. It will help to talk it through. Many people have similar incidents (I had one) and it's either a big or small deal. Processing it will help.

There is no 'big deal' vs 'not a big deal' cut off or universal measure, and you should never hide something in therapy because you're scared of how you will be perceived.

I was raped twice - the first time left me with no longterm trauma and the second left me with life-changing PTSD.

Why not bring it up and see what happens.

I think the point is if you are struggling to make sense of your emotions that is the thing you discuss with your therapist as the are coaches to help people process your emotions. If you were all sorted your prob don't need a therapist!

Who's the 5% who voted she's BU?? It is a big deal, OP, and nothing wrong with bringing it up to a therapist.

YANBU

Similar happened to me at similar age and it still haunts me now and I have brought it up in therapy.

It's a massive deal, sorry that it happened to you.

Perhaps that’s a healthy starting point then OP: ‘this thing happened and I don’t know how I feel about it’. Your therapist should then help you to explore how you feel about it and what, if any, impact it is having on your life now. May be having an impact and you just hadn’t made the connection, or may not be having any impact.

Ot also doesn’t matter how anyone else would feel about it, or if they would think it a big deal or not. It’s how YOU feel about it that matters. You don’t really know at the moment, and that’s ok, but it’s something you can explore in therapy if you would like to. Practically what therapy is FOR!

yes its a big deal.
He told you not to tell anyone so that means he knew it was wrong.

The point of therapy is that it's all about you, the client / patient. If you still think about it and it still affects your life, it's a problem - there's no "at least" in therapy and she definitely won't undermine your experience or make you feel bad about it.

I've mentioned it in passing to friends/my DH, but I suppose I don't really think about it much. TBH, the older I've got, the more angry I feel about it; that somebody felt they could just help themselves to my body when I was powerless to stop them (the train was packed, I couldn't move away, or even see who was doing it). Perhaps I consider myself lucky that this is the worst sexual assault I've experienced and other women have suffered far worse.

I can't imagine that it's something I'd even bring up if I was in therapy as it doesn't really prey on my mind and I don't think it's affected me particularly.

Have you decided whether to raise it or not?