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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH, MIL and golf.....

88 replies

BaconAndAvocado · 16/01/2023 15:21

When my MIL comes to stay (she’s a widow) DH will often go and play golf, leaving me to entertain her.
Last year it happened a few times and I told him I wasn’t happy about it and so he said that he would be at home when she’s there. She probably comes to stay for 3 nights once every 6 weeks.
Yesterday he said that we should invite her to stay at the end of the month (she stayed at Christmas) and I said, don’t forget our discussion about your golf?? He went a bit quiet and I get the impression he thinks I’m being unfair and should let him go and play.
Am I?

OP posts:
Kitkatcatflap · 16/01/2023 15:24

Of course you are not being unreasonable. Would you go off and do a hobby leaving him with your mum.

DFSsale · 16/01/2023 15:24

YANBU I’d be organising my own activities when she comes. Especially long activities, like golf.

P1ainJanine · 16/01/2023 15:24

He doesn't want to keep his word. So clearly he said it at the time thinking that you'd forget about it and he'd be able to carry on as normal, with you doing all the MIL-work.

DismantledKing · 16/01/2023 15:25

I knew he’d be a golfer

BatshitBanshee · 16/01/2023 15:25

Has he already organised to play golf during the time she's coming? If he has, tell him to organise a new date for MIL to come. If he hasn't.. then he's home with you and MIL. I'd also organise a nice spa break for yourself approx 6 weeks after her next visit. YANBU, it's unfair to leave you and MIL every visit.

ACynicalDad · 16/01/2023 15:25

Nope you’re right, lay down the law on the next few visits. That’s really out of order. It’s not like it’s a 30 min activity, it’s at least 1/2 a day.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/01/2023 15:26

Nope. Sod that. His mother comes, it's his job to entertain her.

Vallmo47 · 16/01/2023 15:26

Not unreasonable to expect him to spend time with his own mother.I bet he won’t be as keen on her staying from here on out but that’s not your fault.

ValerieDoonican · 16/01/2023 15:28

How rude he is to his mother! Absolutely liberty, no way would I put up with this.

REP22 · 16/01/2023 15:28

I'd be hiring some golf clubs for the MIL and sending her out on the range with him. I'm sure he'd "enjoy" that.

You're not being unfair.

LadyHarmby · 16/01/2023 15:30

Kitkatcatflap · 16/01/2023 15:24

Of course you are not being unreasonable. Would you go off and do a hobby leaving him with your mum.

Hope you’ve made this point to him.

ValerieDoonican · 16/01/2023 15:31

My dh was bad enough looking at his phone when his DM was staying, and I pointed that out so hes stopped. He would not be going out for all day hobbies. An hour of exercise- fine. Hours of self-indulgent over-priced dawdling golf - nope!

LadyHarmby · 16/01/2023 15:31

Out of interest, how often does he play golf the rest of the time? Is there a reason he wants to go when when his mother is with you?

Binfluencer · 16/01/2023 15:32

Good Lord he's a wanker Angry

His mum, his problem.

ehb102 · 16/01/2023 15:34

Don't let him ask her. I bet she'll say "Oh, it's fine if my ickle precious needs his golf time. I'll be all right with @BaconAndAvocado " completely ignoring the fact that you won't be okay, it's extra load on you AND putting you in a bad position where it would be rather unkind to say so to her face.

butterfliedtwo · 16/01/2023 15:35

What's the point of her coming to stay if he's not bothered about seeing her? Stupid. It's his mother not yours. The selfish behaviour of some men is astounding.

Xrays · 16/01/2023 15:36

His Mum, his issue.

Oh wow that’s a coincidence- you have a visit to your Mum / weekend away with a friend / etc for EXACTLY the weekend your mil is coming… how will he cope! 😉😁

Emmamoo89 · 16/01/2023 15:36

YANBU

ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/01/2023 15:36

DismantledKing · 16/01/2023 15:25

I knew he’d be a golfer

Well it does say so in the title Grin

SunshineAndFizz · 16/01/2023 15:36

It's his mum.

I suggest YOU make some plans yourself while she's here.

Jellybean23 · 16/01/2023 15:37

I'd reinforce that he has to forego the golf by going out with a friend on one of the evenings. Why should you do his duty for him? He has been the unfair one and to be honest, MIL probably wants to see him more than see you.

Larrythellama · 16/01/2023 15:38

what’s the MIL like? What’s his relationship with her like? Does she invite herself or does he invite her? Wondering if he is trying to avoid her, but feels he has to have her to stay due to a sense of duty

Original poster
BaconAndAvocado · 16/01/2023 15:38

Thanks all. That is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. 💐💐

OP posts:
BeExcellent2EachOther · 16/01/2023 15:40

His mother is his guest, if he is busy on a particular weekend (playing golf or whatever) he shouldn't invite her, it really is that simple.

Does he ever invite his mates over and then leave the house for half a day? Of course not, that would defeat the point of inviting them in the first place.

You really shouldn't be doubting yourself here, you are 100% correct in that he should be missing golf to spend time with his mum if he invites her.

AFS1 · 16/01/2023 15:40

If he wants to play golf, he takes her with him!