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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Furries in IKEA

1000 replies

user19888891 · 16/01/2023 07:17

www.edinburghlive.co.uk/news/edinburgh-news/edinburgh-ikea-shoppers-confused-after-25983306?int_source=amp_continue_reading&int_medium=amp&int_campaign=continue_reading_button#amp-readmore-target

Am I the only one who thinks this isn’t appropriate? Surely it’s no more appropriate to be naked in public than to walk around dresses up for a sex game? Do IKEA have a responsibility to safeguard their young guests?

I was particularly taken aback by this paragraph ;
‘Although many think it is a sexual fetish more often than not dressing up like animals is a fun escape for a community of people who enjoy expressing themselves in this way.’
is this true? I’ve never heard of this being done in a non sexual manner

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 16/01/2023 11:12

Maybe, but I'd urge caution if you're at work.

Good point Blush

I have safe search on and am behind a comprehensive filter so just got lots of written news pieces.

Astralitzia · 16/01/2023 11:13

Helleofabore · 16/01/2023 11:09

What part of this 'pup play' fetish gear is not registering as 'pup play' fetish gear?

Your comparators are missing some aspects. This gear is deliberately worn for sexual purposes, the people they are encountering are part of the fetish, and have included people in plain sight in their fetish.

This is nothing like a man getting off on seeing someone's heels and then remembering when they get home to masturbate to the memory. And if you are exposing your exotic lingerie in Ikea, then yes, you also have sexual boundary issues relating to exhibitionism.

I'm responding to the more general point you and @ArabellaScott made about a man (or indeed anyone) getting sexual thrills from non-consenting people.

If you find it exciting to wear certain lingerie in public, not exposed, you're still getting a sexual thrill from being around unsuspecting and non-consenting members of the public.

Is it OK as long as the members of the public don't know what's going on?

BurntOutGirl · 16/01/2023 11:15

Mummieslncorporated · 16/01/2023 07:31

It's not like they were in full fetish gear, they were wearing hoodies and jeans, with a dog mask and tail. I'm not exactly sure why children need protected from it. They will have seen plenty of people dressed up, I'm sure, in animal costumes. They aren't going to look at that and immediately lose their innocence.

While I agree with the sentiment in general, I'm not sure that this specific incident is anything to get too worked up about.

I agree. If my DC were with me and questioned it, I'd just say they were playing a dress up game.

And probably laughed 😅

Astralitzia · 16/01/2023 11:15

sillybillyboo1 · 16/01/2023 11:11

www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/01/31/prosecutors-boy-sexually-abused-at-furry-parties-by-man-who-wore-fox-costume/

Just google it. You get lots of results. the amount of women esp with kids defending mens paraphilias never ceases to depress and terrify me.

Anyone can find news articles and draw conclusions, correct or not. I am asking you for solid, properly analysed data.

BordoisAgain · 16/01/2023 11:15

Astralitzia · 16/01/2023 11:13

I'm responding to the more general point you and @ArabellaScott made about a man (or indeed anyone) getting sexual thrills from non-consenting people.

If you find it exciting to wear certain lingerie in public, not exposed, you're still getting a sexual thrill from being around unsuspecting and non-consenting members of the public.

Is it OK as long as the members of the public don't know what's going on?

Well, as you aren't actually using the response of the public to get your thrills, then I'm not sure how there's any relevance at all?

Wheresthebeach · 16/01/2023 11:16

TinaYouFatLard · 16/01/2023 07:24

We have reached a point where we are all expected to accept people (men) parading their sexual fetishes in plain sight, in front of children and we act as their unwilling participants. It is beyond disgusting.

Yep - and being told we're bigots or 'Karen's' if we don't like it.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 16/01/2023 11:18

TulipCat · 16/01/2023 07:20

Totally inappropriate. Some people have no bloody boundaries and such a sense of entitlement, it's staggering. No, I do not want to encounter people in fetish wear while out shopping. Not sexual, my arse.

That's precisely it. It's an insidious breakdown of boundaries, bit by incremental bit.

LangClegsInSpace · 16/01/2023 11:18

Then there are the challenors

grahamlinehan.substack.com/p/ashton-challenor-the-boy-who-disappeared

Helleofabore · 16/01/2023 11:18

Astralitzia · 16/01/2023 11:13

I'm responding to the more general point you and @ArabellaScott made about a man (or indeed anyone) getting sexual thrills from non-consenting people.

If you find it exciting to wear certain lingerie in public, not exposed, you're still getting a sexual thrill from being around unsuspecting and non-consenting members of the public.

Is it OK as long as the members of the public don't know what's going on?

Sure. However, the people who are participating in your sexual fantasy are not knowing that they are, unless you tell them.

You are trying to use this argument that people's ignorance to these people's efforts which is in plain sight as a 'what about'.

You are dismissing the clear exhibitionist aspect of these people's actions.

picklemewalnuts · 16/01/2023 11:19

It's a full face mask, so you can't identify the person beneath it.
Isn't that an issue in itself? I think that alone makes people feel uncomfortable.

If I saw a bloke in a superman costume parading about i would be vaguely curious but unconcerned. A bloke in a full balaclava, more concerned.

This is just, weird. As a PP says, they are there for a reason, and it's not because they need a bookshelf.

JudgeRudy · 16/01/2023 11:21

I don't personally know any 'furries' but I'm pretty sure theres more to it than just sex.
Even if it was about sex, doubt they'd be doing that in IKEA. I actually think it's good to be exposed to the odd 'character'
I don't see a problem.

RichardBarrister · 16/01/2023 11:21

ArabellaScott · 16/01/2023 10:23

I wasn't sure if the 'butt plug' thing about the tails was real, so I googled it to check.

Here's the etsy listings for 'puppy play tail':

www.etsy.com/uk/market/puppy_play_tail

How are we on the subject of adults wearing visible butt plugs out in public among children? That okay?

For the avoidance of doubt, virtually all of these items include terms 'kink' and 'fetish' in their description.

(FWIW, I don't care what kinks or fetishes sane consenting adults take part in. The issue is involving others non consensually.)

I think this bears repeating for those who claim that it is perfectly fine for these men to choose a family store to wear these fetish costumes in. They knew there would be kids - they didn’t go in to shop.

Lockheart · 16/01/2023 11:23

RichardBarrister · 16/01/2023 11:21

I think this bears repeating for those who claim that it is perfectly fine for these men to choose a family store to wear these fetish costumes in. They knew there would be kids - they didn’t go in to shop.

I still don't think the ones in the video are buttplugs. They're positioned in totally the wrong place. It's anatomically extremely unlikely, unless your anus is in the region of your lumbar vertebrae...

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 16/01/2023 11:24

Astralitzia · 16/01/2023 11:15

Anyone can find news articles and draw conclusions, correct or not. I am asking you for solid, properly analysed data.

You have to think they don't fully understand what the motivation is.

I've known people who fell under the umbrella of what used to be called transvestism. One that springs to mind was Michael during the day, when he went about his plumbing job; Michaela in the evenings when he'd go out to his 'clubs'.

To my knowledge he didn't hang out in women's changing rooms whilst cross-dressing but who knows? I thought it unusual, but likely not doing anyone else any harm. And I'm all for everyone presenting however the hell they like. As far as I was concerned he was a nice guy, so I gave it no more thought.

At this point in my life I'd never heard of that acronym - you know, the one we get a strike for posting on this site.

Helleofabore · 16/01/2023 11:25

JudgeRudy · 16/01/2023 11:21

I don't personally know any 'furries' but I'm pretty sure theres more to it than just sex.
Even if it was about sex, doubt they'd be doing that in IKEA. I actually think it's good to be exposed to the odd 'character'
I don't see a problem.

Would you say the same if the people were wearing BDSM gear?

MargaritMargo · 16/01/2023 11:25

The overindulgence of our wealthy countries is just staggering isn’t it.

imagine being so fucking privileged that this is all you’ve got to worry about it life -
living your true authentic self in a furry pet costume in Ikea.

send some of these people to third world countries to see what a struggle actually is.

I can’t stand the absolute indulgence, knocks me sick

Kucinghitam · 16/01/2023 11:25

I do wish the posters dancing coyly and whatabouterily around this issue would just come out and clarify what they've already repeatedly implied - that they believe it is OK for men to get sexual thrills from non-consenting members of the public.

sillybillyboo1 · 16/01/2023 11:29

JudgeRudy · 16/01/2023 11:21

I don't personally know any 'furries' but I'm pretty sure theres more to it than just sex.
Even if it was about sex, doubt they'd be doing that in IKEA. I actually think it's good to be exposed to the odd 'character'
I don't see a problem.

You support breaking down boundaries and normalising paraphilia? Being exposed to 'odd characters' (thats one way of desrcibing exhibiionists) is harmful to many people for a variety of reasons.

Truckinghell · 16/01/2023 11:29

JudgeRudy · 16/01/2023 11:21

I don't personally know any 'furries' but I'm pretty sure theres more to it than just sex.
Even if it was about sex, doubt they'd be doing that in IKEA. I actually think it's good to be exposed to the odd 'character'
I don't see a problem.

It's just about sex. Truly.

Helleofabore · 16/01/2023 11:31

Kucinghitam

It is very uncomfortable for some people to admit that they already have lower sexual boundaries concerning children than people who understand what is happening.

I equate it to the creep of porn. I am sure that many parents would have said something like 'it is ok, we all had a peek at the porn mags as kids' them accessing the odd porn video will be ok.

Jimboscott0115 · 16/01/2023 11:32

sillybillyboo1 · 16/01/2023 11:00

It harms the public and kids who are involved non consensually in someone elses fetishes. It would cause me psychological harm as a survivor i do not see it as different, they are people who get thrilled by breaking boundaries and getting a reaction. Its disgusting and shoupd be illegal imo

How are they involved in any way, shape or form? They aren't. They are seeing someone dressed as an animal, that is literally the scope of what they are exposed to. If all the people are doing is being in IKEA and not doing anything remotely sexual or exposing themselves then literally noone is harmed in any way shape or form by this. I can walk in a city on any given day and see people dressed up in all sorts as part of party's, stags, hens and the like and noone is harmed by it - in fact my kids have often pointed and laughed at it when we've been out shopping etc.

I mentioned the stance of this being harmful is largely projection and still believe that to be the case. I have yet to see a single post on this thread which has explained how dressing up as an animal with no sexual connotations or actions taking place is harmful to anyone else.

sillybillyboo1 · 16/01/2023 11:33

Truckinghell · 16/01/2023 11:29

It's just about sex. Truly.

Maybe judgerudy is naive. Ive been on the recieving end of such men. They arent harmless. They do escalate. It does cause victims life long damage and trauma. I just cant stand anyone who wants to downplay this. Seriously. You pick your side. The victims will just leep calm and carry on.

DarkShade · 16/01/2023 11:34

sillybillyboo1 · 16/01/2023 11:11

www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/01/31/prosecutors-boy-sexually-abused-at-furry-parties-by-man-who-wore-fox-costume/

Just google it. You get lots of results. the amount of women esp with kids defending mens paraphilias never ceases to depress and terrify me.

I also would like real data, but this article is very interesting.

It seems to me that like most subgenres aimed at young non-conforming adults, much of it is benign but it's extremely easy for non-benign people to exploit. So ok, say that most of the furry fandom is composed of autistic LGBTQ teenagers who haven't quite matured past the interest in cartoon animals, who enjoy producing and talking about art on old school sites like deviant art, who don't really "get" their peers, who feel marginalised and strange. These are exactly the types of people who are most vulnerable to an adult with ill intentions towards them. They then get exposed to increasingly sexualised images, and this becomes their sexual identity as well.

For what it's worth, as a young goth there was always older goths hanging around. At the time it seemed fair enough, now I think - creeps! See also, men who pretend to be trans women. It's not transwomen that pose a danger to women, it's men who infiltrate trans and women spaces in order to harm women that pose the real danger to both trans women and women. Anyway I think the link between furries and peadophiles is probably that the youth drawn to furry communities for innocent reasons are also the groups that are the easiest to infilitrate and exploit if you are a peadophile, not because liking cartoon animals makes you more likely to be a peadophile.

ArabellaScott · 16/01/2023 11:34

Astralitzia · 16/01/2023 11:13

I'm responding to the more general point you and @ArabellaScott made about a man (or indeed anyone) getting sexual thrills from non-consenting people.

If you find it exciting to wear certain lingerie in public, not exposed, you're still getting a sexual thrill from being around unsuspecting and non-consenting members of the public.

Is it OK as long as the members of the public don't know what's going on?

But this is quite simple. If nobody knows or is aware of your underwear (as is usually the case) then they're not involved in the situation, it's not dependent on their reaction.

The issue with obvious, visible markers (an exposed penis, or visible butt plug, or a fetish mask/ball gag) is that the excitement is dependent on bystanders/onlookers' reactions.

Tamarindtree · 16/01/2023 11:35

This would be ok as long as he didn’t roll over and ask me to rub his tummy

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10867479/Japanese-man-wears-collie-dog-costume-reveals-none-friends-know-canine-alter-ego.html

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