To want to scream ITS YOUR FAULT at my mum??

[Maybetom]

I love my mum, we get on really well and are extremely similar. I’m 22, and the only daughter out of four children. As I said, me and my mum get on really well, however we’ve never been the type to talk about sex, periods, boys etc. I don’t think she ever gave me the talk as a teenager, learnt everything from school. I’m so fine with this, as a teenager I would’ve found it mortifying and now I’m just not in the habit of it so just talk to my friends about this stuff instead.

However at least once a month she’ll say she wishes I would talk to her about these things. She compares us to her sister in law (my step dads sister) and her daughter, who are extremely open about these things and talks about how much she wishes I’d do the same. I just want to scream ITS YOUR FAULT and ITS A TWO WAY THING at her. I don’t think I’ve ever so much as heard her say the word sex, I’ve never heard her talk casually about periods for example saying that she’s on her period or saying that she needs to get tampons (again, have no problem with us not discussing these things just don’t understand how she expects me to do it when the conversation has never been opened by her).

When I was home for Christmas, she saw my pill packet on my bedside table and said she was really sad that I didn’t feel I could tell her that I was on the pill. Its so frustrating because she doesn’t seem to understand that she’s made this topics seem taboo.

AIBU is it her fault or should I be more open

No puberty and sex are discrete and separate.

And you are putting primary age children in the same category with “young adolescents”. It’s a bit concerning to me actually that you think children of primary age are ready to be exposed to sex as much as a young adolescent is…you’re literally saying you explain sex (including thoughts, urges and situations) to a 7yr old the same as you would to a 14yr old. Isn’t that sexualising a young child?

Don't worry this poster has had a go at me for no reason too. Obviously got some Ind of attitude problem and can't respect others opinions. Seems to think nobody has the right to choose not to talk openly about their own bodily functions with their mother. As if nobody has a right to decide what level of privacy they want for themselves.

All you do @Onnabugeisha is take things out of context, deliberating misunderstand and play reductio ad absurdum with PP's points.

Puberty happens because of sexual reproduction. You should talk to children about sex but how you do it differs based on age. This is all obvious but you just seem to want to win points. It makes you sound like a sixth former trying a debate for the first time.

All the experts say to start talking early and continue talking. Crack a book.

I don’t know how you think you have to explain sex to explain periods.
If a female NEVER has sex, she will still have periods.

Teaching children the facts of life is not sexualising them, no.

Yeah, it is most odd. Like children have no right to privacy at all and consent is not necessary to discuss very private things with them…even when they are teenagers! Mothers are not the only source of information, and the idea it’s a mothers duty and a daughter will be completely uninformed unless mum gives her constant intrusive talks is what is antiquated.

I might have expressed myself badly and I didn’t RTFT just the OP’s posts and a few either side of them. I’m not saying do the ol’ MN classic and go NC or LC and I don’t think I had even suggested that in my post. And I was clear saying I may be projecting, but it did resonate with me. Sometimes in life you have to accept with family that relationships are what they are and go forward on that basis rather than try and change the unchangeable.

Ok, please explain puberty to me as if I was primary aged without mentioning sex and reproduction because I do not see how they are in any way discreet and separate entities.

Secondly, yes I would. Primary school is up to 10/11. I had age-appropriate sex education at school as did my peers. This included illustrations of naked men and women together, in bed together, and the anatomy.

Premature puberty is becoming more and more common. Some children are starting it as early as 7. I don't think any child should be left in the dark about this stuff.

Furthermore, age appropriate sex education (because that's what we're talking about) is important to protect children from dangerous situations.

Do I really need to specifically point out that I'm not suggesting children be introduced into notably adult sexual practices.

Finally, kindly don't attempt to smear me as some kind of apologist for the sexualisation of children because I happened to refer to children and young adolescents in the same breath. These are the age groups at which puberty starts so education is necessary and, unlike you, I'm acknowledging this.

I'd like an apology for that unwarranted attack.

Post was in response to @Onnabugeisha and to be additionally clear I was referring to sex education of me and my peers starting in primary school

@Snowflake2 apologies. I've reread your post. I thought you meant the OP was being pushy, I see now you meant the opposite.

Perhaps we're missing the point and the crux of the op's post isn't actually about her mum not discussing sex and periods with her but their disjointed relationship and maybe it is more about her mum not taking responsibility for things. If so, then apologies @Maybetom for derailing your thread.

You were a “young adolescent” in primary school? Sorry to hear that.

I made no attack on you, I asked a question based on what you wrote, it’s not my fault your sentence had primary children and young adolescents in there at once and you worded it the way you did:

How do you propose you discuss with children and young adolescents their changing bodies, the new urges and thoughts, the situations they mighhowt encounter if you separate puberty from sex?

Of course I’m going to pick up on your addition of young adolescents, when you’re purportedly objecting to my saying I don’t agree with the “should teach sex to a primary age child” comment.

First sex gets swapped out for periods, now primary age child is being swapped out for young adolescent, all in an effort to twist my original comment into something unreasonable. And the mental hoops to justify this misrepresentation are quite astounding really.

Primary school is up to 10/11. I had age-appropriate sex education at school as did my peers.. well yes, all children do, so there isn’t a need for mums to impose extra conversations on their children without their consent is there?

@Onnabugeisha

"I don’t know how you think you have to explain sex to explain periods."

And I don't know how you can explain periods without mentioning sex.

Why would you purposely keep a pre- or pubescent girl ignorant about the reason for her period.

education is necessary and, unlike you, I'm acknowledging this.
I never implied or said education was unnecessary.

Next time she mentions talking more, point out that the best route is her talking more about her own personal experiences and then you’ll probably naturally partake in conversation

Congratulations, the only person you're showing up is yourself.

Reason for her period?

The reason you get a period is simply because your body is developing into an adult female body and it’s one of the milestones along the way. Blah blah hormones, blah blah bleed once a month or so, blah blah cramps, blah blah San pro.

Where is the fucking in all this?

😂

@Onnabugeisha but why does it happen and only happen to girls? Why doesn’t it happen to boys?

I wasn't meaning children especially. I do think children should be informed of the facts by their parents, but that's not the same as expecting their child to discuss it with them. You can inform someone of something without expecting any input from them. So I think children can be educated and their privacy respected.

When it comes to adults of course they don't need to have any discussions about anything with anyone if they choose not to. That's literally the basis for understanding how to have boundaries. It's sad that OP has been made to feel she's maybe wrong for choosing to maintain personal privacy, by her mother.

Ah, nothing of substance to say then. My condolences.

@Onnabugeisha - just refreshing my memory.

You’re the one who said a parent can opt out of having conversations with their children, if it’s embarrassing for either party. Is that correct?

Boys are not females. Shocking fact I know.

But why does she t happen to girls @Onnabugeisha

whats the period for? Why does it happen?