To wonder how volunteers cope with parents' stupidity?

[MeghanThyStallion]

My DC are involved in various clubs so I'm on a few WhatsApp groups used by the volunteer leaders to coordinate with parents. My goodness, but I roll my eyes so often. Some examples since Christmas:

• Trainer: "Happy New Year everyone! Don't forget we're back on Wednesday, 5pm at local leisure centre." The next few messages, all from parents: "When are we back?" "Is it usual time?" "Are we still at local school?"

• Coach: "Home game this Saturday vs Man U, meet at 10 for a 10.30 kick-off." Parents: "Is there a match this weekend?" "What time?" and my personal favourite, the parent who text in at 10.45 on match day to say their DC couldn't play because they were injured

And so on and so forth, every siglngle week. FML but I would have lost it by now. "Well, numb-nuts, if you bloody read the message I JUST sent you, you'd know the answer to that question!"

How do they do it?!

I work in a primary school as well, I love the stupidity of some parents, you have to laugh at them! My favourite phone call last week was
Parent: “I haven’t had a message to say choir practice is cancelled”
Me: “it isn’t cancelled”
Parent: “how do I know if it’s on”?
Me: “it’s not cancelled it’s on”
Parent: “you do realise that you need to let parents know what’s going on”
Me: we would only send a message if choir was cancelled, it’s not cancelled so we haven’t sent a message”
Parent tells me that’s ridiculous and puts the phone down!!

I'm on a year group WhatsApp for one of my children. Somebody posted this week asking if Dave's mum was in the group. I tagged Dave's mum, thinking, "She might not know her name."
Immediately, the person who asked thanked me and asked me to pass on her number to Dave's mum.

Why?! Dave's mum is in the same group as you. You've got her number RIGHT THERE, and she will see this message soon enough.

Then, 5 minutes later, the OP posted to the group,'Don't worry, I've just realised I have her number already'

That is stupidity.

It's always the same dealing with the public, try working in a cafe or shop. You spend as much time trying to stop yourself telling people they are completely stupid as you do actually working. I will give you an example, working in a cafe Easter Sunday, lady in her late 40's screaming in my Boss's face because Morrisons supermarket was closed, why she thought it was our fault was beyond me and no amount of telling her worked, thankfully one of the other customers told her to sod off in the end as we would have all got into trouble for saying that to her even though she was as mad as a box of frogs

Oh dear! Of course, it's not restricted to parents. Some people just do not think, even when you might expect they'd be particularly good at it, given their job.

My husband used to work in IT in a university. An academic once emailed the helpdesk to say 'Can you help please, I can't send emails.'. I'm afraid that was printed out and stuck on the wall for some years afterwards.

A friend of ours was a statistician, also in a university. A Ph.D. student came to see him for help with analysing his data. He'd been testing people on how quickly they could do some task so he had lots and lots of times, recorded in minutes and seconds. He'd then entered them all on a spreadsheet. Say a result was 1 min 15 seconds. He'd entered it on the spreadsheet as 1.15, i.e. a decimal number, not a time. Apparently it took a bit of explaining to get him to see the problem.

Ok

DD is going on a trip tomorrow. Very short notice because they got a great deal on. E-mail sent telling us about said trip with letter attached. DD has said it was first come first serve and was desperate for me to watch my emails because that would mean payment had opened up. The letter was detailed. Parents and children turned up for the wrong day, asking what to do about food. It was clearly detailed in the letter which they must have received in order to know payment had opened up.

If you heard DS and his mates talking, you'd think they did!

As a parent and a coach, I understand that parents have got a LOT going on. school,
work, activities, a billion WhatsApp grps.
Like we tell the kids - being kind costs nowt.
and yea, you can be kind AND competitive because a positive team mentality beats everything

A few years ago DS went on an overseas school trip and needed to be at Heathrow, so everyone had to meet at school at some ungodly hour like 5am. It was made very clear that everyone had to be there on time.

Someone turned up at about half an hour late, after the school had phoned them. They had overslept. We had about three alarms set on various phones and a clock to make sure we didn't. How difficult can it be to make sure your child gets somewhere on time? As a teacher, I'd have left on time and said we'd meet them at Heathrow as we don't live that far away and a car would be faster than the coach.

I guess the teachers are experienced and had already factored in a half hour delay!

Our school took a bunch of pupils to the theatre in London as a thank you for good behaviour. We are about 1 hour outside of London but in traffic it can take longer.

Meant to meet at school, at 5pm. We had numerous emails, letters and consent forms where it reiterated time to arrive as coach must leave at this time due to getting to the theatre on time.

2 parents got phoned to ask where they were, and they didn't make it on time meaning their teens missed the coach. I was still at the school talking to one of the teachers who was just leaving for the day who stopped to chat about something with DD. Cut off point for the coach leaving was 5.15pm.
One turned up at 5.35. The other at 5.45. Neither was even running or flustered, just casually strolling across from the furthest end of the car park like they had all the time in the world.

One started saying about where's the coach. I told her, well, it's gone, it went as planned at 5.15. She swore blind the email said 5.45.

The other parent then got really aggressive to the teacher I was talking to, who was nothing to do with the trip. I pointed this out to be told to fuck off.

Myself and the teacher left at that point. Both these morons complained and said they had been given the wrong time but the head wouldn't have any of it and sent out an email to all parents saying if there's a trip and you are late, tough luck.

On the return of the coach at 11.30pm, two parents turned up well after midnight, poor teacher had to stand in the cold and dark waiting for them. It was put on the letter what time and please don't be late. But inevitably they were.

Or there was the time when I was part of the PTA at the dcs primary. We did regular discos as they really helped the school fund.

Without fail, we would always have at least 3 children at 8pm after the disco finished whose parents would not turn up to pick them up on time. I'm not talking one family either. Or 5 minutes late.

One parent turned up, just as we were considering calling the police as we were worried there had been an accident, at 9.10pm. We had called and called their mobile and house phone numbers with no reply. Disco finished at 8pm.
Dad strolls in (why are they never in a hurry?) We said to him the disco finished over an hour ago, we have been phoning her mum, where we you? He shrugged and said he lost track of time but it was "fine" as we looked after his daughter. Teacher who was there said to him we were about to call the police. He had a right go!

On the Monday I got called to a meeting with the Headteacher and safe guarding lead, both wanted me to confirm the dad said what he did and the time he turned up as they reported it to local authority. This was the third disco his daughter was picked up late from although the latest he had picked her up. He had been in the pub!

The thing is that these late lot don't get is we cannot just leave, it means we have to stand around like a lemon waiting for them, meaning our evening is put on hold. They always just have a who cares attitude and it's always the same parents, same as ones when there are meetings at school that start at 5 who casually turn up at 5.45. They seem to think the world revolves around them.

The thing is that these late lot don't get is we cannot just leave, it means we have to stand around like a lemon waiting for them, meaning our evening is put on hold. They always just have a who cares attitude and it's always the same parents, same as ones when there are meetings at school that start at 5 who casually turn up at 5.45. They seem to think the world revolves around them.

I would also be willing bet that when help is needed for some school event they never offer yet are the first to complain if things aren't going their way.
Schools should say that if you're late collecting your child from an after school event then the child will not be allowed to attend the next one. Obviously the apologists will be saying that's punishing the child not the parent, the reality is that the parent is punishing their child.

Once the information has been sent out, assuming it has all the right and relevant information in it, then your office should ignore any further requests, not your problem to nanny thick parents.

I work in governance risk and compliance, and get a fair amount of this at work ("Do we have a policy on bribery? Can you send it to me?" "Yes, it's on the intranet along with literally all the other policies. Off you toddle and get it yourself.") So at Scouts I adopt a similar tactic: "Where's this weekend's hike starting from?" "All the details are in the event on OSM(1). Please login and everything you need to know will be there. But let me know if anything is missing(2)."

(1)splendid online troop management platform

(2)nothing ever is, cos I'm shit-hot at organisation 😁

See I suggested that and was told it was cruel!

No volunteer not teacher would ever want to exclude a child or children because their parents lack basic manners. However, when it's a semi constant situation and they know they can take the piss time and again, they will do it. To some, I felt like a free babysitter.
I've done lots of volunteering and you get to see a pattern. I can almost tell the type who will be pisstakers. They moan about everything.

I had one parent who asked why we did two different disco's, one for infants and one for juniors, as there was a 30 minutes gap between the two. Why couldn't her DD in infants stay with her older DS and DD in the later disco? Or couldn't the older two stay for the infant's one as well.

She was baffled as to why we said no! It was "but I've paid for tickets, why should I go back and forth to two discos?"
I pointed out that no one made her pay for the discos. It was her choice. And we didn't allow infants at the junior disco or vice versa because the little ones would get knocked over by the far more boisterous older ones. That we actually played different music and games, and the infant's one was actually quieter and we had lights on for them. It was far gentler.

She just didn't get it at all, or that we were literally doing this with not a penny on a Friday night. I'd have rather been in the pub not listening to the musical delights of One Direction and other such crap.

She still bitched to the headteacher.

Schools should say that if you're late collecting your child from an after school event then the child will not be allowed to attend the next one. Obviously the apologists will be saying that's punishing the child not the parent, the reality is that the parent is punishing their child

Either way, it's the child that misses out, through no fault of their own. Most volunteers I know will put up with an awful lot before making a child miss out.

This is why I'm no longer a volunteer.

I used to run a kids club. One set of parents bitched about me to everyone, complained to the higher-ups and then told me they were "very disappointed" that I hadn't made alternative arrangements for their daughters' entertainment one week when I was away. The reason for my dereliction of duty? I was in bloody ICU, having just gone through an 8-hour operation to remove a tumour. They then wanted me to sleep on the floor for a weekend so that I could take their daughters to camp. I quit.

That's such a shame. Luckily, at least in my experience, the majority of parents are lovely, and generally very grateful for the activities we provide.

But there's always one or two that have to spoil it. We run cubs at very low cost, but still parents sometimes seem to think that as they pay subs, we are at their beck and call, and should go above and beyond at all times and in all circumstances to make sure their little darlings don't miss out. Sometimes, it just can't be done.

Due to a lack of volunteers, we do have to shut occasionally due to illness/family commitments etc, if parents are then going to complain, without asking what they can do to help, I would be very close to quitting too

A few years ago we enrolled our DS (disabled with learning difficulties & in a wheelchair) at the local Scouts. We paid for a helper to assist him with activities & manage his wheelchair, the children & parents were warned never to touch the wheelchair.

Despite this one of the children touched it & hurt themselves. The parents put in a formal complaint to the organisers...despite their trying to resolve it the parents clung to their complaint like Rottweilers. The organisers asked us to put masking tape over the wheelchair wheels but we refused as it could have made the chair unsafe for DS.

The organisers were volunteers, using their private time to care for the children and didn't know how to manage a situation like this. We could see they were panicking and felt we had no choice but to pull DS out of the Scouts group. The organisers said they were heartbroken but didn't dissuade us, I felt really sorry for them (nearly as sorry as for DS & us). But the complaining parents achieved their goal of a 'safe environment' for the Scouts so win-win for them.

That is horrendous. That parent should utterly ashamed.

TBF, this sounds like it wasn't terribly well managed by the Scout leaders, volunteers or not. There should have been a written risk assessment detailing your son's needs and the requirement for other children not to touch the wheelchair, with details on how that would be communicated to everyone (leaders and young people) to ensure they were aware. When the parents refused to back down, the complaint should have been escalated further up the organisation to GSL and Commissioners and so on.

But if they didn't have a risk assessment in place, or hadn't followed the safety measures they included in the risk assessment, I can see they might well panic.

Yes, it's hard work being a volunteer, and complaining parents are the pits, but volunteering doesn't negate the duty of care you have.

WTF?
That's disgraceful and doesn't exactly feed in to the inclusivity we always had in our meetings.

At our beavers, we had two children with SEN, including one with severe and life threatening allergies along with lung complaints and ASD. Not once did we expect their parents to pay for someone to come in additionally, in fact I offered to do a course and I took responsible for his medication and keeping the hall allergy safe.

We did have one parent moan because they wanted to bring sweets in on their child's birthday but our head volunteer was the church leader, who made them feel bloody foolish for putting their child over serious potential harm to another. We never had another moan about allergy protocol again.

Frankly, I would've made those parents feel bloody ashamed for causing your child to leave.

Maybe it was just in our group but behaviour was key, and any child who ignored safety and good behaviour would have resulted in their parents being spoken to.

Their child didn't listen and hurt themselves. Not your fault, your child's fault, it's their fault because he's clearly not been taught to listen and behave.

Oh that's really annoyed me! My DS has illnesses so I'm probably precious but jeez, in this day and age of acceptance for all that's really disgusting!

Thank you all. Unfortunately such people never do feel any shame and these parents didn't, they were convinced they were right & justified in what they were doing and the fuss they made (it was a minor injury to their DC btw - cut finger needing sticking plaster). We could also have made a fuss but this could have upset DS and also the other children.

I get what you are saying @OwlofBrown and you may be right, I don't recall whether there was a formal risk assessment & whether they specifically failed to follow it; certainly there should have been. But I don't think it is impossible to remove altogether such a risk, although it can be minimised as so far as I recall they did. I don't think there was any need at all to press ahead so dogmatically with their complaint....if they felt so strongly they could have withdrawn their DC from the group instead of effectively ensuring the exclusion of mine.

That is just appalling. I don't blame you at all for not wanting to volunteer any more, however it is a shame that the other children & families lose out when volunteers are disheartened by the behaviour of people like this, and no longer want to do it.

I hope that you have recovered OK in the meantime btw.