To wonder how volunteers cope with parents' stupidity?

[MeghanThyStallion]

My DC are involved in various clubs so I'm on a few WhatsApp groups used by the volunteer leaders to coordinate with parents. My goodness, but I roll my eyes so often. Some examples since Christmas:

• Trainer: "Happy New Year everyone! Don't forget we're back on Wednesday, 5pm at local leisure centre." The next few messages, all from parents: "When are we back?" "Is it usual time?" "Are we still at local school?"

• Coach: "Home game this Saturday vs Man U, meet at 10 for a 10.30 kick-off." Parents: "Is there a match this weekend?" "What time?" and my personal favourite, the parent who text in at 10.45 on match day to say their DC couldn't play because they were injured

And so on and so forth, every siglngle week. FML but I would have lost it by now. "Well, numb-nuts, if you bloody read the message I JUST sent you, you'd know the answer to that question!"

How do they do it?!

I think some people just type out whatever is in their head, it doesn't occur to them to pause and think for themselves. It's easier to ask someone else.

I'm not that poster, but DS played for a super-competitive team until this season. I've seen a player sit down because it's nearly the end of the game, they're losing and they CBA any more. I've also seen them decide they're losing in the first half: the shoulders slump, the heads go down, they get snappy with each other. It's not about going in not wanting to win, more about resilience when things aren't going your way.

Because a community club with an "it's important to take part" ethos will give all children time on field even if they're completely and utterly crap at the game. DS2's coach was an absolutely delight and always gave him a quarter on pitch for the football game even though he never managed to touch the ball... but enjoyed running up and down the pitch alongside the players actually playing the game....

I did thank him but told him he could probably do with having players who could actually play, even a little bit...

This DS is now in a community cricket club and was adamant that he was not going to join the other competitive club that DS1 plays at.

I think most of the time it is just laziness.
Similarly to when people posting on Facebook community pages asking for silly things like what time does Tesco open when a quick google search will give them the answer.
I know this is a bit off beat to what OP has posted but I find it really annoying!

I manage one of the kids’ sports teams. We play on the same day each week at the same sports complex (but different fields within and different times).

Me: “kick off this week is 6pm on field 5. Team meet at 5:45pm at the side gate”.

Parent 1: “Sorry is kick off at 5:45?”

Parent 2: “Which field are we on this week?”

Parent 3: “Is it definitely Thursday?”

Parent 4 (5 minutes before kick off): “Sorry, X can’t play this week”.

All other parents presumably eye rolling just like me.

The primary my 2 went to were supremely organised and gave out a calendar at the beginning of term with EVERYTHING on it for the whole year coming up. In later years you did have to pay for it but it was SO useful that everybody wanted one.

Not the case here. If anyone didn’t want to participate for any reason including SEN that would be fine. But we normally have at least 4 or 5 children crying because they are in uniform and not normal clothes.

Oh lordy... this thread could've been started by me. I run a youth rugby team, each age group has a whatsapp 🤦🏽‍♀️ and theres a main whatsapp for the whole club for highlevel updates. I send a weekly email with ALL the details and attachments if necessary as well as posting on the whatsapp groups.
Every damn week, without fail, there'll be someone asking all of the questions and then some... whats the address? what time do we need to be there? is this in the ulez zone? what boots are suitable for agp pitch? I've started replying with "all details are in the email" and silencing the chat.
The school whatsapp is another one. I created the bloody group chat which then got so big and toxic that i decided to make everyone I knew personally on the whatsapp an admin and then left the group to themselves. Now me and another school mum just remind each other without the drama llamas.

I totally understand that I am probably in the minority of people that are highly organised and can multitask like a mo-fo but christ alive... the stupdity and laziness out there can be off the scale.

Eugh, I feel your pain. It’s the same with the school class dojo. School office -“children in years 3, 4 and 5 will do the activity”
parent- “is year 4 doing it?”
🙈

Well I understand that - that’s about attitude etc. But to be stuff like stropping off at end of a game or moaning when you’re not winning wouldn’t come under ‘important to take part.’ Making it a non-negotiable to win a game just seems daft to me because while you can definitely do your best, you won’t always be the best.

Okay, but then his non-negotiable is that there is a required standard of ability to be allowed to join his team. But that’s not what the poster said - she said her DH likes his team to win and it’s one of his non-negotiable rules. But it’s daft to have winning as a non-negotiable because it’s simply not in their control. They can only do their best.

Scout Leader here, and I would put it down to several things:
1)Parents being overwhelmed - too many comms from too many places, especially if their multiple children do lots of things
2)Laziness and entitlement - easier for them just to text and want a 1:1 service
3)Poor comms - just because someone sticks their hand up to volunteer doesn't suddenly make them into great communicators
4) Lack of awareness that someone is volunteering to help your child in their own time for free, for example, confusion between a government run service (like schooling) or a paid for service by a profit making organisation (like a soft-play or private childcare)
How do you cope?. Be kind. Be patient. Repeat or resend the same stuff. Remember it is the parent and not the child. Personally I don't mind 1-3, I don't like 4. And yes, we have had those parents who don't help, but are threatening to take legal action because little Johnny has not had his cooking badge on time. Makes otherwise decent parents who might become volunteers run a mile.

Yes I find this too! However it comes as no surprise as MN is EXACTLY the same.

e.g. OP: "I can't go to my friend's wedding as it's child free, my husband is dead and all of my family and friends live 500 miles away. I recently moved country for my job."

Replies: "Just get your husband to look after them". / "Just take them to the wedding" / "Ask your mum to pop round to look after them".

Every single time. It's infuriating to read.

I must be lucky.
I volunteer at 2 different clubs and I would say that 90% of the parents are fine.
We get a few problems of course - the odd pathologically pushy parent, the ones who know exactly how the club should be run but who never actually do anything, and one or two rather dippy parents who are late every week, don't bring the right stuff despite it being the same every time etc - but the "difficult" parents are very much the minority.
It is true that that small percentage of parents can take up a disproportionate amount of my time and energy and yes, it can be frustrating. But I try to remind myself that none of it is the children's fault and they are actually who I'm there for, that you don't know everything that is going on in people's lives and sometimes there are good reasons why they aren't on top form all the time, and that I have been known to make the occasional mistake myself! And yes, we do have separate coaches and committee groups and meet ups and it does help to sound off about some parents occasionally. But compared to some of the experiences on here, I definitely have an easy time of it.

I do this. I just resend the original email back to them. I've never had a reply to the second sending

Muting a thread doesn't mean you don't receive the messages.

I mute most of my WhatsApp threads but I still get all of the messages. I just read them when it suits me. I make sure I read them all before asking a question though.

It’s part of coaching! Quite often another parent will intervene in the chat and repost what I already posted further up, thankfully.

we do it for the kids, and I d rather have the scatty parent over the pushy football dad who thinks he’s an ‘expert’ and living his footie dreams through his kid any day of the week!

his non-negotiable is that there is a required standard of ability to be allowed to join his team

that is fine as long as the club has other teams in that age group. But if you are a one team per year group club you have to take who's there. Anyway that wasn't the subject of the discussion, it's about the parents not reading what's in front of them.

I'd rather have the scatty parent over the pushy football dad who thinks he’s an ‘expert’ and living his footie dreams through his kid any day of the week

Oh yes. Although it's not the subject of the thread, I totally agree!

(it's not just dads by the way, football mums can be unsufferable too)

My favourite example of this was when my class started going swimming.

I sent a letter home with all the information.
The info was also put in the school newsletter that week and the previous week.

One child didn't bring in his swimming kit. His Mum complained about me because I hadn't told her.

I think she expected me to single her out and tell her all about it personally.

(I'm not a teacher anymore).

I realise the topic of the thread. I was questioning what one poster had posted, asking how parents are supposed to support a non-negotiable ‘you must win’ rule.

Quite obviously, it's not a 'we must win every week rule'. What the coach is looking for is promising, competitively minded players who will turn up, work hard at training, give their all on the field, and who will give his team the best chance of winning their matches. As opposed to a much more relaxed all-abilities welcome set up, where the aim is just to have a bit of fun, get some exercise, make friends, 'if we win great, if we don't win, ah well, not our week this week'. There's a place for both, and it's important for parents and children to understand which will suit them best.

Yes, I see it in school parent group a lot. The school isn’t fantastic at comms (attaching every simple message as a pdf on letterhead 🙄) but they do send all the info.

What I don’t understand is that either the parents are professionals and working - I know they must arrange their diaries and appointments, absorb info there - or they are SAH and they have time to go to parents evening, meet the teacher, sign for school trips etc.

I know things go wrong sometimes, but…This is why I’d never volunteer, no patience!

DD goes to Guides and yes some people can't be bothered to read messages. It's generally the same people too; funny how others understand the messages. I think it's laziness.

For all the ones asking about place and time when it is already in the post, just ignore it. The other parents will probably tell them anyways.
For the one where they don't contact you until right when the activity starts, you can send them a reminder to contact earlier, but you may also just need to be understanding. Your kid gets a cut, you take them to get it stitched, it takes several hours, they are crying, hungry, so are you. You stop to get them food, get home, you all eat, then get them settled and by now it has been 4 hours and the last thing on your mind is your kids activity schedule. Then your phone beeps a reminder at you and you message that your kid is not coming.

Obviously if it is a constant thing, stronger messages may be required for not sending messages sooner about children not coming.