DS reprimanded at work

[momtoboys]

DS #1 works in a large city at a mid size PR firm. Last week he was reviewing a project with an intern. Someone else needed his for something and he responded “Ok, I’ll be right there when I finish with her.” Later that day he got a call from the highest level manager and was written up because he had misgendered the intern. They were transgender and my son did not know that. The person who was transgender was not the one who complained to management, they understood it was an innocent mistake. It was a coworker that complained. Does this response seem severe for a first time offense? Son is gutted. Both by the reprimand (1st one) and the fact he made the mistake.

It's sweet that you think you could upset anyone, very self absorbed, but sweet.

You're assuming again. Where does it say in OP's posts that the person goes by them/they? It doesn't. Could be he/him, or any others on the long list.

In any case, OP's son knew the person to be an adult human female and correctly called her HER. He had no way of knowing that the person had chosen to use incorrect pronouns for their own purposes, and he did nothing at all wrong.

Have you actually read it? Or is it that you just don't understand it?

Protected characteristic doesn't mean what you think it means.

There isn’t a union but this certainly seems like an instance where one would be useful

there is always a union. It doesn't have to have a rep in the workplace. They offer advice on how to handle legal issues at work, and representation if you need someone to go to meetings with you.

Isn't it far more likely that he said, "I'm working on something with Sam at the moment. I'll come to your office when I've finished with him"?

Nobody would use "him" unless the other person knew who they were talking about.

I'd make sure he has a copy and understand the policies where he's working.
He'll then be better armed if/when he gets pulled up for something completely and utterly ridiculous again. By top level management? Have they nothing better to do? Surely this would be line management stuff if anything.
e.g. "By the way, the intern's pronouns are he/him"

Why are you speculating that he said something different to what OP reported he actually said?

the Infraction was put in writing and he had to sign a paper that he acknowledged what he had done and if it happens again there will be increased discipline. There aaa a phrase for it but I cannot recall.

Written warning seems very heavy handed. Suggest your DS starts looking for other jobs and raises a grievance about this. I doubt they have fully followed their misconduct policy here.

I presume your son is an adult. If he willingly signed the paper then he's agreeing with the whole thing. It's a bit late for him to start questioning it now.

To all those saying use their name - well what if you don't know their name. I works in a lab with 24 others and only know the names of around 4-5 of those I work with daily. I work with all the others once or so a week but have no idea of their names. An intern like your DS - well why would he know their name in the first place?

I couldnt be doing with this nonsense...id be looking for another job.

I'd tell them to fuck their reprimand. He called a woman a woman when he had no idea that this woman wanted to be referred to a not-a-woman.

The idea that he should be reprimanded for that is as ludicrous as it is offensive.

My son isn’t questioning it. He fully owns that he made a mistake and is sorry for it.

But why? He didn't and he shouldn't be.

He should've said that he actually said, "When I've finished here", not "When I've finished with her", and that he has a sporadic speech impediment which causes him sometimes to speak unclearly. He should then report the colleague that reported him, on a charge of ableism.

If the colleague does not get a similar reprimand, then your son will know that he is being unfairly treated, at which point he can raise another complaint, or just give up and find a new job.

He didn't have to use a sex reference. He could have said "when I've finished here". Unfortunately we do have to rethink our speech and you quickly get used to it. I don't agree with the written warning first time around.

This nonsense is getting out of hand. Sadly not everyone is a mind reader!!!!

Off topic but who writes sooooo you do you boo as the way of closing down a discussion?? 😳

“My son isn’t questioning it. He fully owns that he made a mistake and is sorry for it.”

This is the absolute tragedy of the situation. That we are all being cowed and made to submit to the thought police for what is a completely illogical and nonsensical ideology based in no reality whatsoever other than what is in people’s daft heads.

@momtoboys

Sorry, I was being sarcastic as that's something they like to do for exactly the same reasons your son got reprimanded and they have lost many good journalists. I wish your DS the best.

We don't have to actually. Many of us have no intention of getting used to it.

People need to actually think this through. Humans are naturally good at accurate sexing of other humans. Ther vast majority of the time we near instantly correctly put the human in front of us into the rirght sex category. We then use the correctly sexed language to refer to them.

Now we have a situation where someone did the above. They correctly assessed the sex of the human in front of them. This human, however, decided at some stage for whatever reasons that they wished to be referred to as an inaccurate sex reference, so he chooses to be called she, or they instead of him for example.

And everyone else is supposed to know this, without being told? And when they don't know this, they are supposed to be sorry for "making a mistake"? They didn't make any mistake. But they are liable to be punished anyway. Even if they did know, they are expected to collude in a lie, that both parties know is a lie, and if they don't they are in the wrong and can again be punished and ostracised.

Does no-one see how wrong that is?

The individual in question didn't compel your sons speech for him, so if he wasn't told to call her something else, why is he being reprimanded for correct sexing?

Personally I'd challenge, and avoid the individual in future to ensure that reality isn't causing offence.

How would he not know the interns name? When they started to work together, like normal people, they would have said hello and exchanged names.

Thank you for the responded. I did not post this to “stir up some aggro”. I don’t even know what that means. I posted because I was truly wondering if my feeling that the reprimand was very severe for a first time offense was shared by others. He is an adult. This is his first job out of uni and he is finding his way. I don’t think my post will be outing as he does not live in the UK.

*responses