DS reprimanded at work

[momtoboys]

DS #1 works in a large city at a mid size PR firm. Last week he was reviewing a project with an intern. Someone else needed his for something and he responded “Ok, I’ll be right there when I finish with her.” Later that day he got a call from the highest level manager and was written up because he had misgendered the intern. They were transgender and my son did not know that. The person who was transgender was not the one who complained to management, they understood it was an innocent mistake. It was a coworker that complained. Does this response seem severe for a first time offense? Son is gutted. Both by the reprimand (1st one) and the fact he made the mistake.

The world has gone totally mad; whoever would have thought you could just decide what sex you are irrespective of biology, and everyone is expected to just play along.
Can I just pretend I’m a Tiger so it’s alright if I bite everyone?

Your poor DS. The worst part of this is the fact the trans person didn’t complain so someone has decided to get offended on their behalf, pathetic. I hope this blows over, he hasn’t done anything wrong. We can’t go around referring to everyone as a plural just incase we offend a tiny minority by chance.

You know what could have happened while all this was going on? Work.

The thing that that genderwang snitchface was being paid to do instead of making sure your son's card was marked by being professionally offended on behalf of someone else.

This is what happens when identity politics and virtue signalling gets promoted as being more important than absolutely anything else. Getting your coworkers reprimanded and off to the re-education gulag while you polish your pronoun ally halo takes precedence over your actual job.

Your son needs to join a union and give pronoun wanker coworker a wide fucking berth.

Not as fucking rude as you.

OP, he did not make a mistake, he did nothing wrong.

Are you quite sure it's a protected characteristic? Which one? And how?

You really wouldn’t find it rude if a colleague referred to you as ‘her’ in this context? I would. I wouldn’t complain about it. I’d mark him as a sexist twat and move on with my life but doesn’t change the fact that he was rude. There were only two people in the room why couldn’t he use their name?

What context? You don't know the context, OP hasn't said. You don't know who was in the room, how many, was he on the phone, was the "her" in earshot or not...you've invented a context and then decided he's a sexist rude twat. That's moronic and you're rude.

And no, even in your assumed context, I would not find it rude or sexist.

As he was genuinely unaware, then this is unfair.

If he'd been told previously that this colleague used other pronouns and continued to say "she" then he would have deserved to be pulled up on it. Sounds like the colleague he referred to has been eminently reasonable about it though; this isn't on them.

I'd be asking for a full written list of colleagues pronouns to prevent a repeat -and make work for someone else but I'm a grumpy sod like that.

I mean the OP has literally agreed in comments the DS was rude sooooo you do you boo

also he may NOT have known their name - an intern appears asking "can you help me" and he goes theorugh their work without thinking "now which intern is this"

if its like my place we have someone in for a week around a few different departments and i may or may not catch their name in an email or chat.

So? She still didn't lay out any context, which you have invented. He may not have used her name because he didn't know her name. It's perfectly fine to call people him or her if you don't know their name.

As for "sooooo you do you boo"...did your just paw at the keyboard at random or are you high? Bit early.

I thought this. Reading the OP, I assumed he’d been called out for being rude when I read this.

OP, I’d say it’s not really any of your business. It’s nothing to do with you, your DS wants to move on from it, a “reprimand” doesn’t mean anything, I think your post is probably just intended to stir up some aggro. Not to mention, this is very identifiable and you could end up with your DS in a lot more trouble because you’re posting publicly trying to get people to kick off about his employer. Does he know you’re posting here?

I feel sorry for your DS. I would actually send an email outlining what happened in writing to his line manager copying HR. I would ask their advice on how he can prevent being in this situation again. You can't go around saying they/ them all the time as that will upset people too. I would as Pp's advised start looking for another job where things like this would be handled better. The third party could have spoken to your DS and asked if they knew it could have spoken to his line manager to do the same. Sounds like DS needs watch his back.

There are so many 'rude'/'not rude rules in the English language. These things really worry me as I am not a native English speaker and I would have never thought that saying her (ignoring the transgender aspect but the rudeness of saying her is what had been picked up on), would be considered rude. In my native language this would not have been an issue (actually the her/him part is part of the word as an ending and not even a separate word).

It sounds like this company has a worryingly oppressive atmosphere - colleagues snitching to the top management who unquestioningly issue a reprimand for tiny issues that should be dealt with face to face does not sound like a positive workplace.

What happens if he expresses an opinion that someone in the ‘Diversity & Inclusion’ team has deemed unacceptable? Will he gets other reprimand or worse?

Rules of polite interaction in society are usually developed by general consensus and discussion, not imposed by unreasonable diktats and any infractions punished without warning.

He might want to keep his eyes open for another job in the future.

I wouldn’t worry. The UK is so multicultural and the vast majority of people are used to speaking to non-native speakers. As such, things that would be seen as rude from a native speaker are very much not see as rude from a non-native speaker. Because “her/him” is the object pronoun, to refer to someone as “her/him” in front them is generally perceived as de-personalising them and presenting that person as something you’re doing something to rather than as a human being that you’re doing something with. I suppose it wouldn’t come up in some other languages because, usually, “her” and “she” are the same word. The DS should have used the interns name or, if he didn’t know the name, he should have asked her name by saying “…finished with, sorry, what’s your name?” “My name is X” “finished with X”.

Well maybe your son will address his subconscious bigotry now.

Are you genuinely incapable of looking this up for yourself?

www.equalityhumanrights.com/en/advice-and-guidance/gender-reassignment-discrimination

Everyone on here with their perfect manners. 🤣🤣🤣

’subconcious bigotry’ come the fuck off it

hope your kids are absolutely perfect 100% and never ever put a foot wrong in life eh

This is one reason I’m not going back to work .

Absolutely ridiculous. Your poor son.
What a ridiculous world we live in.

Well in the context exactly as OP stated, it was rude, it doesn’t need any further context other than he referred to the person sitting beside him as “her”. If somebody was working with me on something and another person called them over I would expect them to say “Yes as soon as I have finished with April”. Not “her”, as we used to say, I am not the cats mother.

Anyway I do find it difficult to believe that this was a disciplinary matter, I would expect that somebody would have had a quiet word with OP’s son about what is the appropriate pronoun. I wonder if that is what actually happened.

Learn to tread very carefully in Wokeland.

I'd be gutted if this happened to me, but more because my mum was butting in to a grown mans work and personal life.!