DS reprimanded at work

[momtoboys]

DS #1 works in a large city at a mid size PR firm. Last week he was reviewing a project with an intern. Someone else needed his for something and he responded “Ok, I’ll be right there when I finish with her.” Later that day he got a call from the highest level manager and was written up because he had misgendered the intern. They were transgender and my son did not know that. The person who was transgender was not the one who complained to management, they understood it was an innocent mistake. It was a coworker that complained. Does this response seem severe for a first time offense? Son is gutted. Both by the reprimand (1st one) and the fact he made the mistake.

‘Finished with her’?! Either way your son was fucking rude

I’d be encouraging him to look for a new job. Absolutely ridiculous.

Definitely challenge it

That can be just as offensive to a trans person. Especially if their aim is to force you to use the words they want.

Did nobody read "Alice in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass" ? Would have been a fucksight more use than Jane bloody Austen ....

Written warning is too harsh for offence1. Should have started with a verbal warning. He should ask for a copy of their disciplinary rules.

It is far far too harsh for an offence like that particularly when the person involved did not complain. All it needed was a quiet word which the co worker could have done quietly.

I wouldn't be surprised if the person who complained had an ulterior motive!

Learn what?

Does this response seem severe for a first time offense?
It's a pretty stupid complaint to merit a disciplinary warning if it was the tenth time let alone the first.

Absolutely ridiculous. Debating the use of every single word when its obviously not meant with malice or done to cause offence.

The person who was transgender was not the one who complained to management, they understood it was an innocent mistake. It was a coworker that complained.

Does he work for the Guardian?

No. Why?

If I was your son I would go to HR and say, ‘this is what happened, do you want me to refer to everyone as them and if so, why didn’t you let me know when I joined that this is the company policy or are you going to give me a list of everyone which shows the preferred pronouns’.

Looking past the fact that this appears to be an inflammatory thread re: pronouns, what do you actually mean by he was "written up"? I understand this to be an American term so do you mean he was disciplined or given some form of formal (written) warning?

If so they won't have followed a fair investigation process so that is something to point out.

If not, and it's what I suspect, and he's actually just been spoken to and reminded of how to use the correct pronouns then YABVU and over the top here.

He will learn from this point on to not refer to anyone directly by name or gender. Just 'once I have finished here' will be the way to go. Should not have to be like this but it appears to be the crazy world we live in now.

He may want to start looking for another role.

Your poor son. He is just trying to get on with his job, and do things well and instead he is being called up for this woke, binary bullshit. While I sympathise for the mental turmoil that having these feelings must cause, why the hell should we be creeping round these people? I would encourage your son not to feel guilty in the slightest. If I were this boss I wouldn't be giving it the time of day.

How silly that someone complained about this.

If I were your son, I would email the manager who called him and copy HR to express in writing his surprise as to how all this is being handled.

Simply state that he was not made aware of the pronouns that this colleague wishes to use, either directly by the intern or by management, so simply used the pronoun based on the person's appearance.

And that if this is actually to be a formal warning, he wishes to dispute the fact that he has done anything inappropriate.

Your son is not a mind reader...

It is truly pathetic that so many people are looking for reasons to be offended when clearly no harm is meant.

Worlds gone mad. I hope he challenges this! He did nothing wrong. Now if he continued to misgender the person, then yes, that would be wrong but for an innocent mistake that he wasn't aware of, no, a gentle correction would have been suffice and I'm sure he would not have made the mistake again. Please encourage him to challenge this bullshit.

"These people"?

The record should reflect that the person in question didn't actually report him. It was a different colleague.

The problem with trying to justify this nonsense is that it just lets the situation get worse, leading to more incidents like this.

What a silly time to be alive - if people make a pronoun ‘mistake’ it’s just that; a mistake. No big deal, no need to make a fuss.

Even more reason for him to join a Union. Unions aren’t the big bad wolves they are made out to be.

@hopeishere
You're being absolutely ridiculous.

I feel so sorry for children. The sooner we stop reproduction the better.

I think there must have been more to this scenario as transgender people don't necessarily prefer the term "they'. That's non-binary people - and usually it's not something that HR get involved in unless it was something that was said to deliberately cause offence etc.

It's not nonsense, it's a protected characteristic, but I'm aware I'm in the minority on MN in actually respecting others.

I agree with you it was a mistake though we don't have enough info from the OP as to whether this person actually was reprimanded or just reminded of the need to respect others and actually it is the OP overreacting, which is what I suspect.