Anyone else’s house a shit hole because their ‘D’H is a half-a-job-Bob?

[Halfajobbob]

Getting fucking sick of it now.

Desperately trying to get the house on the market, there’s a few jobs which need finishing which with a bit of effort could be done by the end of the week. But of course it won’t because DH won’t pull his finger out of his arse and when he does, whatever he attempts goes wrong and it’s up to me to get a professional in to fix it. Either that or he leaves it half done and never finishes it.

Would paint and do the manual stuff myself but heavily pregnant so I can’t. No I won’t LTB as this is pretty much my only complaint. Purely a
moan thread.

Get someone in , when he looks surprised say 'well I asked you and you haven't done it '.

My only issue there are tradespeople are a fucking nightmare here - they don’t turn up, or if they do they also do half the job and bugger off saying they’ll ‘come back later’. If it’s something straightforward like painting I can’t afford to pay hundreds for something we could do.

Have you been heavily pregnant your entire relationship?

because if not why haven’t you also pulled your finger out in the previous incidents?

I’m due in 10 days and have spent today painting the ceiling - you’re pregnant not disabled

I have a friend with a husband like yours. I honestly don't know how she puts up with it.
One example is when she wanted the kitchen redecorating. The kitchen had been tiled by the previous owner in circa 1974 looking at them.
She came home from work one day and was surprised to find he had done the decorating....by slapping the wallpaper straight over the tiles, of which the outline of each one was plainly visible on the paper.
Jack of all trades, master of none.

This is such an odd flex- I am actually embarrassed for you that your partner is letting 9.5 month pregnant woman stand on a ladder or a chair and paint ceilings

Have you spoken to your DH and explained how much the 'part' done status of jobs is stressing you out?

Practically I would recommend suggesting to him that you both come up with a list together because you need his help to tick these off and that you're really keen to do it ASAP so it's not on your mind once the baby arrives.

Ideally the outcome would be a list of jobs you both agree need finishing and dates of when it's going to be done and who needs to do what to make it happen. If you're not doing the physical 'doing' bits cause you're heavily pregnant then perhaps you can order whatever needs ordering etc. But whatever the plan, it needs to be both of you having an upfront discussion and agreement about what needs doing and when it needs doing by. You're likely on very different pages of the book right now, you in major "planning/nesting mode" as you're heavily pregnant and him in "I have literally no idea how much our lives are about to change" mode

This is a complicated pregnancy and I’ve been told not to exercise so I assume no ladders/DIY as well.

Why don't you do it? Unless there is a reason you can't but your other half can?

Apologies - just seen you are heavily pregnant! Maybe you could both do a bit, with the heavier, more manual stuff for him?

Many women are exercising, working, socialising right up until their due dates

Not sure when this trend of becoming vegetables after month 8 came from tbh

I’ve done everything I can possibly do - mainly decluttering (which has been a MUCH bigger job than it sounds), organising tradespeople where we have to, ordering their materials, looking after DD every weekend to give him full days to get this stuff done. I’ve had the kitchen repainted and tiled, had our bedroom redecorated, new carpets in living room and dining room. There’s not much to be done but it just seems impossible for him to do it.

I just screamed at him down the phone in frustration (proper screaming not MN screaming). I felt like all my ‘nicey nicey’ attempts to get him to do it just didn’t work.

OP I get you are heavily pregnant do you usually also do DIY jobs?

Desperately trying to get the house on the market, there’s a few jobs which need finishing which with a bit of effort could be done by the end of the week. But of course it won’t because DH won’t pull his finger out of his arse and when he does, whatever he attempts goes wrong and it’s up to me to get a professional in to fix it. Either that or he leaves it half done and never finishes it.

whatever he attempts goes wrong

DIY is a set of skills and contrary to sex based stereotypes, many men don’t have these skills and even when they try they fail on every attempt. Like your DH. Similar to the sex based stereotype that women just pick up how to cook by osmosis and those XX chromosomes, when in reality there are many women who simply cannot cook despite attempting to learn.

I think part of the frustration is you are expecting him to be able to DIY when it looks like every attempt goes wrong and you have to get a professional in. The reluctance to do new attempts or “finish” is likely due to fear of failing again or knowing it’s a botch job when halfway and just delaying the inevitable admitting to failing again. His track record for successful DIY according to you is 0%.

Think you need to face the facts that you have a DH that can’t do DIY. Perhaps he should be the one getting in a professional from the start. It would probably save you money in the long run as often fixing a botch job is more expensive than having a professional start with a clean slate. Not to mention the sunk costs of the tools and materials your DH is buying to do yet another failed attempt.

When I’m not heavily pregnant I will happily do anything I’m physically capable of doing. If I wasn’t pregnant this would all be done by now.

There is only one way through this: get tradesmen in. It’s a pain in the arse but it will get done. My ex husband wouldn’t put the handles on the doors of our house. He hung the doors beautifully and then tanked on the handles. I got a joiner in eventually, and ExH hit the ceiling and behaved like I’d ordered a bloke round to play with his willy, but he still let him finish it.

I just screamed at him down the phone in frustration (proper screaming not MN screaming). I felt like all my ‘nicey nicey’ attempts to get him to do it just didn’t work.

Screaming also won’t magically create skills & ability for DIY tasks.

Also I got rages about DIY just before I gave birth. Nesting innit. Just saying.

My ex was rubbish at diy but he would insist on doing if anyway and usually make a things a lot worse than they were to start with. If I tried to do anything he would just laugh at me and tell me I wasn’t capable of doing it. Now he’s gone and I’m still not confident at that kind of thing but I will research how to do things properly before I start and usually follow a YouTube video as I do it and it tends to end up ok! I have so many bodged diy jobs to fix now that I could do with just gutting the house and starting again!

Yes it’s part of the reason we are divorcing. Not the sole reason. Part of it.

Not the point of post but Roller and long handle
never stand on anything to paint a ceiling

Starting a job myself is the best way to get my DH to do it.

OR her lazy fucking DH could do it, why should we have to do everything even when days from birth??

Did you not bother reading the first part? What was the OPs excuse all the other times I wonder

Ditto. But then my dh is pretty handy when it comes to DIY. If the OP's dh doesn't have these skills - they don't hand them out w a Y chromosome- then no amount of shouting is going to help.

Stop asking him to do it - just get someone in and get the stuff fixed and give him the bill. Trades people are difficult to get but just use checkatrade or trustatrader and they should be reliable.