Can we PLEASE have a BALANCED SAHM v WOHM conversation, without it being personal PLEASE??

[lucyellensmum]

I find this debate interesting and thought provoking. But the other thread cannot be balanced as it is Xenia V the rest of mumsnet, or so it seems. That is neither fair on Xenia, nor does it promote a balanced response.

So if you want do do the SAHM debate then lets do it here (xenia too, if you can be arsed!). But no responses to previous posts are allowed

LEM puffs out her ample chest and feels all, BOSSY

@cod - Can you please make your interesting thread more interesting, and I will stop scrapping and come and join you, promise....

PMSL at thread title

I currently work full-time equivalent in four days. Through a combination of various things (hard work /parents sacrificed so I could go to a good school/naturally quite geeky and a bit of a swot/ met DH and married late in life/ made family friendly type career choices/ lucky to have nice colleagues etc etc)I have reached a position where I can do this and am even thinking about cutting down to 3.5 days in 3 when we have our second child in the summer.
To me this is ideal. OK I'm not going to make head of the department just yet nor are my baking skills ever going to progress beyond rudimentary and I am pretty sure I will never make playdoh but this balance works for me. I realise it is not an option for many.
I agree with all who have said SAHM vs WOHM is a waste of a debate.
Many women (even most according to some surveys eg the netmums one) would like to do a bit of both (work and spending time with children) while the children are small without it being financially pointless or crippling their later career prospects.
Now I do take Issy's point about referring to parents not mothers but I am not sure how many men would feel the same way even if they had the choice (apart from a very small metropolitan freelance careery subgroup)
Hopefully this will change in the future. Hopefully at some point someone (and why not mumsnet) will put serious whack into making childcare more affordable either through tax breaks or in some other way that would also benefit mothers/fathers who choose to be sole carers. Hopefully we will value childcare and teaching more as professions and reward them appropriately. WOHM vs SAHM is just a waste of energy that could be put towards campaigning/voting on issues that would benefit all families IMO.

Is Xenia even on this thread?

indicative of how many buttons she pushes that she gets namechecked so often. i like xenia

lol@FallenMadge - she pops in every now and then, says something along the lines of 'get to work, you lazy scum!' (but in posh, polite terms) - then scarpers. I must admit, I like her style.

I am a WOHM and would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be a SAHM but if I don't pay the morgage no-one else will so I have no choice. I've managed to work four very long days so at least I get three days with my 1 year old but I had to go back when she was 5 months old as I had used so much of my savings whilst on maternity leave.

I HATE missing doing things and just being with my daughter but short of selling my house then giving away the money then asking the gouverment to pay rent on a house for me I am stuck. I get 81.88 a month from gouv and I am very grateful for it as at least it is a little towards childcare fees of 600 pounds a month. It is just my girl and I I am not lucky enough to have a loving partner to help with the bills.

Just sneaked home from work early and have my gorgous one trying to play the bongos on laptop so will put it down now and play with her. Wish I could be with her everyday but unless I win the lottery and I don't gamble so that really would be a miracle, she will just grow up knowing mummy had to work to pay the bills and hope she does not resent me for it as it is the only choice I have.

I have to go to work - I had nearly a year off when DD was born but am main breadwinner so had to go back for financial reasons. I hate it and wish every day I could stay at home with my gorgeous DD.

I don't think there are many people who CHOOSE to go to work when they have very small children it's more of a case of having to.

A very very of SAHM's!

Where did i bitch about xenia i would like to know? I just checked - i didn't!

BY ME:"I find this debate interesting and thought provoking. But the other thread cannot be balanced as it is Xenia V the rest of mumsnet, or so it seems. That is neither fair on Xenia, nor does it promote a balanced response.

So if you want do do the SAHM debate then lets do it here (xenia too, if you can be arsed!). But no responses to previous posts are allowed

That is the only time i have mentioned xenia on this thread. I just felt that the other thread was personal but thought why not have a thread where we can discuss the ISSUE and not the person.

I LIKE Xenia too, which is why i started the thread. The bracketed comment was because i didnt want her to think that she was excluded from this thread as her opinions are always welcomed by me, it doesnt mean i agree with them, bi said, if she can be arsed, because she may genuinely, as it would appear, cannot be arsed with it, as she has made her opinion clear.

I am surprised anything finds that bitchy, it certainly wasnt my intention AT ALL

I have asked to have this thread removed, i am sorry for causing offence

I am a SAHM, never in a million years thought I would be before I had ds, in fact I used to look down at them, I assumed that they were lazy and opting out . I was young and naive then and it was only when I had ds that I felt differently. I decided not to go back to work because I resented having to pay out 70% of my salary on nursery fees and knew that the commute and logistics of working would be stressful.

3 and a half years on I am still at home and there have been times when I have really questioned my original decision but overall I am glad that I have had this time with ds and it is definitely the best thing for him. I have given him the life that I want for him although it may not always be the life that I would have chosen for myself. I do study part time and have a few career plans for when ds starts school.

There is absolutely no right and wrong to it I don't understand why there is a need for a debate or why people seem to feel so strongly about the issue. You have to do what you feel is right for YOU and your family, it is as simple as that.

Who have you caused offence to?