Can we PLEASE have a BALANCED SAHM v WOHM conversation, without it being personal PLEASE??

[lucyellensmum]

I find this debate interesting and thought provoking. But the other thread cannot be balanced as it is Xenia V the rest of mumsnet, or so it seems. That is neither fair on Xenia, nor does it promote a balanced response.

So if you want do do the SAHM debate then lets do it here (xenia too, if you can be arsed!). But no responses to previous posts are allowed

LEM puffs out her ample chest and feels all, BOSSY

LoL, MM

I've been both, and at times I preferred working, I liked being someone other than a mother, and at some point in the next few years will do so again, I also enjoy spending time with my DS and am having another baby thoguh, so don't want to do it just yet.

However I could not be a SAHM forever, nor once I had no more children at home. I think it is good for a child to have that one-on-one time with their mother/father if possible, but I also think they need to see that there is more to life than parenting, so both parents must do something other than be a mum/dad.

I want my children to grow up and be proud of me as a parent and as a person, how can I teach them anything without showing them by example?

i do have to admit, sometimes i just think - thank fuck i dont have to go to work

I'm a SAHM because I'm a work shy, lazy mare, who gets to loaf around in pj's and mn alot whilst being able to look like smug virtuous domestic goddess who is sacrificing herself for her children.

I am a sahm because I like a nice shiny loo

I am a working mum, full-time. My DC have been in full time nursery care since they were tiny. I am self-empolyed/own company and wasn't able to take any mat leave with DD (just brought her to work with me until the nursery were able to take her).
I am desparate at the moment, to reduce my hours and have a life!
Yes, I love my work, but I strugle with all the rest, my DC miss out on loads of activities/parties/play dates etc - and I always seem to be nagging them in the evenings.
I am guessing when i become a part-time SAHM I will miss the work!

If we had enough money I would definitley be a SAHM - my DC are 8 and 4

lol MrsMattie

The wohm also has no fking idea what theme they're doing at school
knows no one at school events

but

will be fine financially if her marriage goes tits up

I'm also a SAHM that has child care < a wolf in sheeps clothing>

lol@Nbg - yes I am (flattered that anyone would garner that from my ranty MN posts!)

VS - feel very similarly to you

lucyellensmum - and you, too! There have been days where I have been bloody glad I didn't have to face the rat race ad could stay at home and get annoyed by Loose Women instead, I can tell you!

Tell me please that no one actually watches that program - loose women? Loose marbles - sorry, but the day i start watching that i'm off to the job centre

I think it's down to choice & it's great that women today HAVE got a degree of choice (economics aside)

YOU as a mother with or without a DH/DP have to make the right decision for your own child & as long as you & the child are happy with it, then it works for you.

No-one else can judge & I'd be the first to applaud anyone who chooses /can afford to be a SAHM,or who returns to work.

Motherhood carries enough guilt & angst without others being superior & belittling anyones choices!

......and Cod is doing what my MIL would call "trailing her coat"

I couldn't give a crap what anyone does

Bloody hell I got something right.
Must be because I am a sahm.

What do you write?
I like your style

Mrs Boo - I'm you!! exactly my thoiughts (apart from I'm employed rather than self-employed) even down to the kids if 8 and 4!

PMSL@lucyellensmum. Ok, that was stretching it a bit. I don't have time to watch TV these days anyway. I'm far too busy making homemade play doh. Oh, and writing, of course (lengthy posts on MN!).

I've been both - currently mostly SAHM with the odd bit of working from home thrown in (about 1.5 days a week). Also Parent Gov/PTA stalwart/general do-gooder, and youngest 2 have SN so there is lots of ferrying to SALTs, OT etc. - not sure how that would work with a proper job.
I do have to confess that all children are at school and one is so bloody old he's gone to Uni. Agree that the grass is always greener etc. and I do fret occasionally that I will soon have no brain cells left. And I never lack things to do, but some of it is just so damn BORING! BUt the longer you're out of working life, the bigger and scarier it seems - I have no idea now how I managed FT WOHM with 2 kids, on my own, in my youth and am full of admiration for those who do.
I hate kittens.

Anyone who needs someone else to validate how they choose to bring up their family is sad

I work from home, so am neither a SAHM nor a WOHM.

I've tried both SAH and WOH, and for me this present arrangement is the best possible combination even though frankly I could do with a little more work. It is more flexible and fluid, enables me to be at children's things such as plays or dentist's appointments when I need to be.

I have managed this way to do everything I want to- be at home if my children are sick (as long as the don't disturb me while I'm working), breed my guinea pigs and chickens, grow the vegetables, go for the long daily walks with the dog without which my circulation seizes up almost entirely, take the piano lessons, and still earn enough to pay my daughters' school fees and the children's music lessons etc... The only problem is loneliness at times, but we have lovely neighbours and friends and time to meet them. So all in all, I'm glad about the way things are.

"Can we PLEASE have a BALANCED SAHM v WOHM conversation"

no it is not possible, it has been tried and tried before.

@Nbg. I was a music journalist in a 'former life' and wrote a fair bit for radio, too. I'm loafing around at home at the moment, re-training for a 'proper job' part time and pretending to write a novel (MN is severely limiting my word count at the moment).

ConnorTraceptive - an SAHM with chiildcare My God, woman, we must start another thread devoted to your ilk.
I worship you!

ive done both.i actually do not care what anyone else choices to do-ive made my decision based on what i believe is best for MY family and me at the moment,i may change my mind.other people should do what works best for them.it shouldnt be them and us.who cares.

Ooooh music journo.
Did you meet lots of slebs?

I look forward to the novel. I hope we get MN discount

But DropdeadFred - of course we feel the need to validate our decisions - we are human. I felt guilty when I worked FT, now I feel guilty that I don't. I'm constantly looking for reassurance that the way I'm bringing up my family won't screw them up in some way - I admire your level of self-assuredness (is that a word?) but object to being "sad".

Message withdrawn

MF- "Outside Home"