Can we PLEASE have a BALANCED SAHM v WOHM conversation, without it being personal PLEASE??

[lucyellensmum]

I find this debate interesting and thought provoking. But the other thread cannot be balanced as it is Xenia V the rest of mumsnet, or so it seems. That is neither fair on Xenia, nor does it promote a balanced response.

So if you want do do the SAHM debate then lets do it here (xenia too, if you can be arsed!). But no responses to previous posts are allowed

LEM puffs out her ample chest and feels all, BOSSY

Whatever works for you and your family, both WOHM and SAHMs are great. Do what YOU want, don't feel you have to justify it to anyone and be happy in your decision.

I'm a SAHM, my reasons I have no family support so would require FT childcare for 2 (3 soon) children, this would swallow up most of my salary. As I have moved since having DC my career is up the spout anyway so I don't worry about career continuation. Will have to retrain sometime in the future. I genuinely love being with the DC, yes at times it's mind numbing boring but I like the freedom right now, they will be off to school and not wanting to hang about with their Mum so much very soon but until then I will be their main carer. I honestly would resent handing them over to someone else and them doing all the fun things with them.

Ideally I would like to work about 12 hours a week, but this isn't going to happen so it's SAHM-dom for me for the time being.

The whole "debate" is a classic example of "The grass is always greener on the other side"

There are pros to both.
There are cons to both.
Both involve an element of sacrifice.

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Because the issue is greater than just whether or not mums stay at home, but dads too, and if it benefits children to have a parent at home rather than specifically their mother.

I agree with Issy about referring to parents, rather than mothers.

A common accusation leveled against WOHMs is that they are happy to outsource childcare whilst skipping off to work when the children are just leetle babies. Well, fathers do that routinely but don't get the same stick. Whereas they should be tarred with the same brush (if tarring, is what you go for).

Replacing P with M ensures that the debate does not get sidetracked into what are men's and women's roles.

Chequers, that does sound feasible as long as you are not too tired to work in the evenings (or whenever you fit the extra 2 hours in). It will depend I would think on good you are at doing without sleep/ on broken nights. If your baby sleeps, you're onto a winner! Good luck.

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Thats not what anyone is suggesting MF, the title of the thread is SAHM v's WOHM, the point of changing the thread titel, not your personal title, to SAHP or WOHP is that it surely doesnt make a huge difference be it mother or father that is at home, it's the idea of a parent being at home that is the issue.

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I just think that you are very lucky if you have a choice and really feel for those people who absolutely have to work for financial reasons even if they would rather be SAHM.

Other than that, it's too complex and varied to come up with any simple answers.

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Yes, LadyVic had a lovely 'Society Girl Turns Drug Addled Porn Star' vibe about it. or maybe that was just me.

I don't think I'm really kidding anyone being a 'Lady' am I?
Also I know there is a LadyVictoriaofCake and I didn't want anyone to confuse us.

I'm a WOHM, full time and have to do it to pay the mortgage on our really-not-that- flash house. i live in london, the industry i work in is mostly based in london and DH earns about half what i do.

would preferably work part time but not much choice in the matter. feel a lot of guilt but DS (aged 4) seems to be pretty normal is one of the factors putting me off having another, i hadn't prepared myself for the guilt. i feel guilty for putting him in nursery, i feel guilty for enjoying my job and putting him to the back of my mind at work, i feel guilty when i get home and i'm not bounding around making biscuits and spending lots of joy filled quality time with DS, feel guilty at the weekend for sometimes wanting some time to myself to go shopping or something when i spend so little time with DS as it is.

ps, am also catholic, so should be used to guit as a way of life by now

WOHMs, SAHMs- i salute you all. everyone makes their own decisions based on their needs and those of their families

LEM - why are you asking for a balanced and reasonable response to your OP and then specifically bitching about xenia, that is Very unreasonable, unbalanced and frankly petty

Xenia is entitled to her opinions (as is everyone)but if you dont like her oonions you need to have a good hard look at yourself, your foibles, prejudices and question why she pushes your buttons

fwiw i like xenia. i like her ability to bo bold and forthright

Most of all i like her ability to rise above all of the opinions expressed and not make it personal.

something you might want to consider

I like Xenia too, I think in fact most peopel do, she is opinionated but her opinions are refreshing, I think it's about time peopel stopped using her as an example and instead only reffered to her when she was actually in the conversation.

it is indicative of Xenia manners and ability to discriminate RL from MN that she never responds to these posts

She rarely responds to the reasoned counter arguments many MN-ers have put to her over the years, either@scottish mummy.

We could go around and around in circles here, couldn't we?

no not really mattie!i object to op asking for reasoned debate and then bitching about Xenia

I don't think it's 'bitching' - it's a number of people objecting to her well known and oft repeated opinions.

are you scarpping

and..............................so what