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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to not want a television in the sitting room?

123 replies

angelico53 · 15/01/2023 07:34

We live in a small modern house with a sitting room and a kitchen diner on the ground floor. We haven't had a television for donkeys' years, when we used to have a TV room in a bigger house.

OP posts:
Strugglingtodomybest · 15/01/2023 09:56

I can't see why you both can't compromise here. There seems to be no reason why you can't have a TV on the wall (I'm interested in how this would spoil the view though!) and have a guitar on a stand in place of one of the side tables.

Thingsdogetbetter · 15/01/2023 09:58

If you've got the dosh, they do wall tvs that become a mirror when turned off. Or pictures- I believe you can upload picture/s of your choice. They can be framed too to fit your aesthetic.

Original poster
angelico53 · 15/01/2023 09:59

I agree - it's barmy. In fairness, one is a very sweet nest of three in good oak. Angelica likes everyone to be able to put down their glass/cup when we have visitors, so she gets new side tables from time to time!

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 15/01/2023 10:01

Get a Frame TV and then it will be beautiful.

Thingsdogetbetter · 15/01/2023 10:02

And watching on laptop or tablet close by and low down is awful for posture and neck joints. And neck wrinkles!! Tech neck is a thing.

DashboardConfessional · 15/01/2023 10:03

angelico53 · 15/01/2023 09:59

I agree - it's barmy. In fairness, one is a very sweet nest of three in good oak. Angelica likes everyone to be able to put down their glass/cup when we have visitors, so she gets new side tables from time to time!

That's what the coffee table is for!

ghjklo · 15/01/2023 10:03

I tend to think large ones dominate a room even when turned off it's like a black hole that people are sucked into staring out. I would get a small one, maybe that can be put out of view sometimes e.g on an arm or something to swivel out / into a cupboard so it doesn't have to be on show all the time.

Sorry to all the TV lovers but I do think there's something rather vulgar about giant TVs.

Original poster
angelico53 · 15/01/2023 10:04

Many thanks for all your comments and advice. It's the first time I've started a thread on MN and I seee that I have to get used to a couple of things!

Some very sensible advice and questions/challenges for me, so thanks for that. Thanks also for the bucket-of-cold-water stuff. I expect I am a snob, to value some things above others and try to avoid rubbish and shite of all stripes. I'll make no apologies for that, actually, and neither should anyone else who feels the same. But it's good to bring that out for inspection, in case it's become something else, like a contempt for the tastes of others. Which it might well have done, so it just goes to show.

OP posts:
EmpressOfTheSofa · 15/01/2023 10:08

This sounds fucking miserable all round.

And I speak as someone with a whole separate music room, a fuck off great big 50inch telly AND plaster ducks on the wall.

You sound insufferable. Get a telly. Relax.

Onnabugeisha · 15/01/2023 10:09

I think part of the issue isn’t just fitting a TV in the room with your guitars but also shared space in that if there is a TV, it will likely be used and then you won’t be able to use the room to play guitar as often as you are accustomed to.

So the issue isn’t get rid of side tables or hang guitars on walls or even move the dog stuff to another room. The issue is availability of a space for your music.

Do you have a garden and could you afford a garden room? My DH has an artistic hobby that requires masses of space and privacy and he has a 5m x 3m purpose built studio at the back of the garden. It is well insulated, has power for all his gadgets and he runs a ceramic heater in the colder months. It was a lucky find as we private rent and before this he had been using box rooms or the garage as a studio.

The garage is another option- one of his friends in the same hobby converted their single car garage into a studio. Put a big giant window in where the garage door was. Put in flooring. Put in a door from main house to garage.

Onnabugeisha · 15/01/2023 10:11

I have to agree on the watching films and shows on a pad/lap top being uncomfortable. Also my sight isn’t very good and if it’s not on a big TV, I might as well be watching a bunch of blobs and blurs. So I think you need to find a way to make the space in your home work for both of you.

drpet49 · 15/01/2023 10:11

EmpressOfTheSofa · 15/01/2023 10:08

This sounds fucking miserable all round.

And I speak as someone with a whole separate music room, a fuck off great big 50inch telly AND plaster ducks on the wall.

You sound insufferable. Get a telly. Relax.

This.

Original poster
angelico53 · 15/01/2023 10:12

That sounds lovely, Onna. None of these are poss for us, unforch.

OP posts:
Notplayingball · 15/01/2023 10:14

Augend23 · 15/01/2023 09:17

Just get rid of all the side tables, you'll still have a coffee table and two side tables with lamps on. Then there's enough room for everything.

I agree. To make space for my upright, I needed to move large sideboard out of living room and swap for a smaller one. If there's a will there's a way.

You both need to be flexible. Get rid of all those tables to free up space for a TV and musical instruments. It's not that difficult to work out 🤷

Barwickunited · 15/01/2023 10:16

I know you are now getting angry and it can be difficult to work on your behaviour and recognise your weaknesses but sulking is an abusive behaviour. In my previous relationships I have experienced all forms of abuse and the one that took its biggest toll was the emotional abuse which consisted of stonewalling and sulking. I no longer tolerate sulking from anyone.

Original poster
angelico53 · 15/01/2023 10:20

Barwickunited · 15/01/2023 10:16

I know you are now getting angry and it can be difficult to work on your behaviour and recognise your weaknesses but sulking is an abusive behaviour. In my previous relationships I have experienced all forms of abuse and the one that took its biggest toll was the emotional abuse which consisted of stonewalling and sulking. I no longer tolerate sulking from anyone.

Er, nope!

And you must have missed my saying that the sulking thing was me being (not very) funny. I'm sorry you should have experienced that, Barwick, but it wasn't me and it isn't now.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 15/01/2023 10:21

Perhaps you negotiate reduction in side tables for the TV.

How often do you have so many people that 9 side tables are required?

roarfeckingroarr · 15/01/2023 10:24

Musical instruments on walls are awful. Guitars left around would annoy me.

MuggleMe · 15/01/2023 10:26

You want guitars, she wants a TV. I get what people say how you can put guitars in the cupboard, but imo having them out means they'll get played more and enjoyed.

I'd say yes to a small tv provided you can have 1 guitar out. And perhaps agree 1/2 evenings a week where she can take the laptop to bed if she wants, and you use the space to play.

Notplayingball · 15/01/2023 10:26

RandomMess · 15/01/2023 10:21

Perhaps you negotiate reduction in side tables for the TV.

How often do you have so many people that 9 side tables are required?

Exactly. No need for that many side tables in a living room.

I can't understand folk who complain about stuff but are not willing to compromise at all. There are plenty solutions being offered by several posters.

ThatsMsAtomicBob · 15/01/2023 10:27

I understand not liking TVs but to be honest if you are taking over the living room to play music I'd put the biggest TV I could find in there. And I say this is as someone whose husband has several guitars in a shared office space and one on the wall of our bedroom. Perhaps your wife, sick of watching TV on a tiny screen, would like to enjoy using the room too?

ThatsMsAtomicBob · 15/01/2023 10:29

But yeah definitely ditch some of the side tables.

Original poster
angelico53 · 15/01/2023 10:30

It's surely one of the things for us to look at, cheers atomic.

OP posts:
toocold54 · 15/01/2023 10:43

Compromise and get a smaller TV.

Unless you have children then a TV would be nice in your bedroom. So I would drop hints about doing this.

My aunt and uncle are retired with no children and they watch TV in their bed in the mornings and evenings which to me sounds like pure bliss!

Kareah · 15/01/2023 10:51

angelico53 · 15/01/2023 10:12

That sounds lovely, Onna. None of these are poss for us, unforch.

Too bad 😟
Then I think culling the side tables so you can have a couple guitar stands and agreed days or times where the room is reserved for you to play is the best compromise in return for a big TV in the room. They really are better for snuggling together and watching a film or show…so you will enjoy the TV as well.

There is a lot of dog stuff too. Maybe dog bed can go to bedroom and toys in the cupboard?