Someone who has an unplanned pregnancy has just as much of a right to express feelings feelings of shock and emotion as someone who deals with infertility that wants to share their struggles/sadness

[lemesser6]

We both have our feelings to work through. one is not greater than the other. i for tile people can share their sadness and people who have a suppress pregnancy can share their shock. If their unexpected upsets you then i've got news for you.

It seems like women who gave unplanned pregnancies are shamed to oblivion fir even mentioning "it was just so unexpected!" "we're not even trying" "i was just so surprised when i found out" why? why am i not allowed to express these feelings to others, just as infertile people express their struggles to others.

Although i obviously understand both sides can be traumatic, you don't have to hold space for everyone/every situation. If you are going through infertility it's totally ok to scroll past the post, block that person, or if it's said in real life flat out tell them " that sounds really hard and i care about you but i am NOT the person the person to come to about this". Although i don't think it's right to make a nasty comment or scold your real life friend. I think people should obviously talk to SOMEONE ELSE about how that made you feel like your partner, mum, neutral friend or a therapist.

As you can see i that was a bit of a rant but i just needed to get it off my chest because my friend has really upset me but i don't want to go into details.

Yanbu op but you really do need to make sure you know your audience well.

I wanted my son, but had terrible HG that made me housebound, isolated, dehydrated, depressed and I needed to scream into the void.

I desperately thought many times about abortion.

It even upset my partner. He wasn't the right person to talk to about it, even though I needed a partner to help me.

It doesn't mean you or I or any one struggling with pregnancy have no right to feel the way we feel.

However we'd probably post it in the pregnancy board along with people who are already pregnant for peer to peer support. Or we'd tell our doctors. We wouldn't project it to a wider audience that might include people who are struggling.

We're all accountable for our own actions.

I personally feel bad for you’re friend, I think you could of handled this differently given her fertility struggles. You have every right to be happy, shocked etc but also sensitive in discussing this with your friend. I’ve known people to discuss pregnancy news gently with infertile friends so as not to make them feel overwhelmed.

Ive struggled with infertility and have personally broke down on my own at pregnancy announcements. Not because I wasn’t happy for them, but because it’s an horrific thing to deal with mentally and emotionally. It truly was the worst experience of my life. This subject is also really difficult for people to share so please be understanding with her.

It sounds like you haven’t been purposely unkind, but rather haven’t thought about her emotions or struggles and how to approach the subject gently.

Nonsense. It is perfectly permissible to have mixed feelings about a pregnancy and to express them. And the foetus can't hear.

I realise I wanted pregnancies must be traumatic but the thing is, there is something you can do about them. Someone suffering with infertility cannot just go off and get themselves pregnant.

Unwanted, not I wanted.

Oh god just realised OP was talking about u planned not unwanted pregnancies. Ignore my posts above.

the feotus can't hear now, but will be able to hear in the future, when they come across anyone who has heard the negative statements made during the pregnancy.

I am not talking about a calm discussion about mixed feelings, and nor is the OP, the OP is talking about freely and publicly expressing negative feelings about the child that is coming into the world. How is hearing that, or hearing of that, going to affect a sibling, for example, and affect the way they feel about their own origin, and their baby sibling. Or a cousin, or an aunt, or a grandparent, or a predator, and yes they have been known to line up future victims before birth, or a medical professional, or an education professional, or a social care professional, or a family friend.

Negative feelings about unplanned pregancys should be kept private, and discussed quietly with a very few trusted parties, no, they should not be freely expressed into the world at large

@Lovethatforyou I just read your extraordinary description of what infertility really means to a woman and it's profoundly moving. Now I understand why some very loved women (friends and family) in my life have been so distant for so many years. Thank you for your very personal and generous post. I think many people will benefit from your insight and be far more understanding and supportive as a result.

YANBU. Sounds like a fair statement to me.

Sounds like you picked the wrong audience op unless it’s just something you put on Facebook

Oh have some sensitivity. You KNOW why it might be hurtful for a person with fertility issues to hear someone complaining about how easily they got pregnant. Don’t be so thoughtless.

Of course you have a right to your feelings. But do consider how, where and to who you express them.

YABU