Maybe it’s just me, am I insecure?

[JulietJulietWhere]

Just a quick AIBU.

So not sure whether it’s me being insecure as I have form for being a bit of a ‘princess’ or whether DH is being a disrespectful arse.

On holiday at the mo and watching all those silly Shows in bars but whenever a man comes on the stage topless absolutely loving himself I always make conversation with DH or go up to the bar to a drink not because DH says anything I just feel uncomfortable giving another male attention. When a lady comes on the stage ‘you know those really tacky shows’ DH completely ignores me stares at the stage literally like right at them full attention, open body language. I just think it’s completely disrespectful and quite creepy behaviour.

The same happens everywhere, if we are out and a good looking guy comes into our path e.g on the beach or by the pool, I will deliberately turn the other way not to give this person any attention (not that DH has asked it’s just morally feels wrong) but when the attention seeking women come along he won’t even think to just discretely turn his back or give me more attention etc it just feels like he’s constantly open to anyone and everyone receiving his attention at the detriment of me but then I may just be insecure.

AIBU or insecure?

Definitely insecure and your behaviour to deliberately ignore every attractive man is odd as well.

Bit of both I think. You shouldn’t feel the need to avert your eyes, but he should also try not to be such a letch.

In situations like this with my ex, I’d have probably jokingly put my hands over his eyes and made him laugh and he’d have asked me if I was having impure thoughts about the male dancers or joked that I was taking a mental photo “for the bank”. But neither of us would have actually been so disrespectful as to obviously state or ignore the other in any situation, so I guess it was easier to make light of it.

So, at all times, 50% of the audience should be averting their eyes from the stage. Or if 2 or more people of the opposite sex are on stage then no one should be looking?

Right you are!

Yeah, it's not normal.

Its a show, they are there to be watched. I don’t think it’s disrespectful for him to watch the entertainment.
Really odd that you feel the need to purposely turn away and not look at another human being just because they are good looking and are the opposite sex. I mean you don’t have to ogle and letch, but needing to turn away is strange behaviour.

It’s deeply weird that you turn away every time there’s a hot man around but your DH sounds creepy AF. There is a middle ground OP!

What happens when someone attractive comes on screen in a tv show or film?

I think you might be a bit insecure. Nothing abnormal about noticing someone is handsome or attractive, you’re married not cold blooded, as is your husband.

You're being way over the top trying to dramatically ignore every man in the vicinity.

I guess your own insecurity is what's making you assume your DH needs you to give him extra attention when there's someone else nearby and to pointedly ignore others - because that's what you'd like. But that's excessive.

On the other hand, he doesn't need to be visibly letching over women on stage. (Although - is he? Or is he just watching and you're interpreting it as him paying excessive attention because you're insecure? Genuine question)

Basically yes, YABU a bit. He is also maybe U a bit (if your version of events is accurate).

For example this evening, holding hands having a convo and a chat abut the show as we're watching. Group of attractive females come on the stage, part of the act is to dance in certain directions, one of the females dancing directly towards where me and DH are sat. He lets go of my hand, repositions himself sprawled out, legs wide open and any further conversation is initiated by me.

Im pretty similar to you. I can honestly say other men's bodies don't interest me in the slightest. Although tbf I don't really like what is considered traditionally desirable for a man. I hate pumped up muscles 🤢😴 overkill.

I like natural muscles. My man is skinny, fit with muscles 😍 drooool...

I like lean 😂

Exactly the same as you! Couldn't be interested in the slightest, I actually don't understand what people get out staring and boosting other people's egos.

I remember taking my DH to a supper burlesque show while we were dating, where various beautiful women strip off for entertainment, in an atmosphere of good music and good food.

We went home together and had some great sex.

I consider the above to be normal healthy adult behaviour although I'm fully aware Burlesque isn't fashionable anymore

We've been together for over 15 years.

I think you're desperately insecure.

Oh God, your husband sounds awful!

That sounds pretty unpleasant for you. But I don’t know why you’re averting your gaze from men.

I dunno I find it weird you look the other way and feel you can’t look at men, it’s like something the Amish would do.

sorry no help, never met a woman that does that or one who thinks their partner has to do the same

is it a religious thing, are you Amish?

YABU. You have made the cardinal mistake of assuming your behaviour in any given situation is the only acceptable way and anything that deviates from that is By default wrong.
Why do you think these other men and women are 'loving themselves' and 'attention seeking'?.....but would that be so wrong anyway presumably at a holiday beach event? Why frequent these places if you find this behaviour so abhorrent?
Not allowing yourself to be 'chatted up' is one thing but avoiding even looking at a top less guy at a show is plain odd. This is clearly a big thing for you. Do you have OCD traits as your behavior fits the bill. You're obsessing (enough to post on MN on your hols), you're controlling (you want him to echo your responses) and it's causing you anger/anxiety/possible row (disorder).
What do you say to your BF when these things occur? What's his response?

I get it op. Of course men are gonna look but they should do it discreetly or it's disrespectful to their lady. Set some boundaries now.

If it makes any difference and may be part of the reason why I get completely annoyed is I'm a young girl who is pretty good looking, my DH is slightly older.

Whenever we are sat in a restaurant etc there's always men going out of their way to try and force eye contact etc, I get asked out probably once a week at the gym, work or the cafe if I'm WFH. I'm just not interested in the slightest. My DH never gets approached or asked out and I'm wondering whether he then uses these events to disrespect me just because he can and he feels insecure in some way.

It’s bad if your husband openly ogles/leers at women but I think it’s extreme to avert your eyes or leave your table just because there’s a man on stage. Most people would just watch a show with performers without staring intensely at them or looking away depending due to their sex. There is a middle ground here, it’s not one or the other.

I occasionally shoot a discreet glance at a handsome man walking down the street, or I might inwardly admire an attractive actor on Graham Norton or something - but it doesn’t mean anything, I don’t see it as disrespectful to DP or the man as I’m not openly ogling, and it doesn’t change my feelings for DP. Im sure he does the same with attractive women!

You both sound a bit odd, sorry. You don’t have to avert your eyes- is that something your partner expects you to do? And his leering sounds thoroughly cringeworthy.

You look away when a shirtless man comes on the stage 😂 You’re weird OP. Idk if it’s super prudish, insecure or what it is, but it’s not normal. Your DH continuing to watch the show is normal, I hope you don’t get in a strop with him because some women are dancing in bikini tops and grass skirts 😬

Whenever we are sat in a restaurant etc there's always men going out of their way to try and force eye contact etc, I get asked out probably once a week at the gym, work or the cafe

Pfffft 😂 😂

This is getting odder by the moment. What do you mean you’re a young girl. I thought this site was for over 18s.

do you have a parent or legal guardian who knows you’re on here and about your older boyfriend? How old is your partner? Is he an adult? Do your parents know?

20's, just for context.

Then you are not a young girl you’re a grown woman.

is there s back story, very few grown women refer to themselves as young girls. It’s as odd as the looking away thing.

I don’t think any of us can advise you. It’s all a little off the scale and you maybe need some professional help, maybe therapy?

You may be right but if this is what you think of him then why waste your time? You’re an attractive young woman with lots of alternatives, why waste your youth with an insecure, unattractive older man?