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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Maybe it’s just me, am I insecure?

102 replies

JulietJulietWhere · 13/01/2023 22:26

Just a quick AIBU.

So not sure whether it’s me being insecure as I have form for being a bit of a ‘princess’ or whether DH is being a disrespectful arse.

On holiday at the mo and watching all those silly Shows in bars but whenever a man comes on the stage topless absolutely loving himself I always make conversation with DH or go up to the bar to a drink not because DH says anything I just feel uncomfortable giving another male attention. When a lady comes on the stage ‘you know those really tacky shows’ DH completely ignores me stares at the stage literally like right at them full attention, open body language. I just think it’s completely disrespectful and quite creepy behaviour.

The same happens everywhere, if we are out and a good looking guy comes into our path e.g on the beach or by the pool, I will deliberately turn the other way not to give this person any attention (not that DH has asked it’s just morally feels wrong) but when the attention seeking women come along he won’t even think to just discretely turn his back or give me more attention etc it just feels like he’s constantly open to anyone and everyone receiving his attention at the detriment of me but then I may just be insecure.

AIBU or insecure?

OP posts:
denishhol · 14/01/2023 00:29

You're a young girl - early twenties definitely are very immature generally, they arw like teenagers to me as opposed to anyone at least over 25 when your brain develops. You sound insecure, he sounds creepy and older. Be careful OP men like that go for the insecure, young types. You are naive and inexperienced which is why you put too much thought into looking at other men.

Anon132 · 14/01/2023 00:31

I get it. I was the same with my ex. I looked away as I didn't feel it was necessary to check someone else out and he would oogle, making things uncomfortable or pause conversations etc. What they do when your not there is one thing but so obvious in front of you is imo disrespectful. Have you spoken to him about how it makes you feel? You may need abit of help working on your self esteem/insecurities but that is just as much to do with you working on your boundaries of what you individually feel is ok or appropriate for you (everyone has different tolerances around what we feel is acceptable or not acceptable around our partners and the opposite sex, none are right or wrong, it is your personal decision) as it is to do with any insecurity within your relationship or around your guy and other women.

Also remember you gut is an amazing thing which picks up on things we don't always conciously. If it's a gut feeling more than an insecurity, listen to it.

Dowhahdiddy · 14/01/2023 02:32

JulietJulietWhere · 13/01/2023 23:58

But he can't be a creep and me be insecure.

Either he is a creep and it's not me or I'm being ridiculous and I'm insecure, hence the post.

Eh? Creepy men are usually with very insecure women, as no one else would give them the time of day.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 14/01/2023 02:35

JulietJulietWhere · 13/01/2023 23:58

But he can't be a creep and me be insecure.

Either he is a creep and it's not me or I'm being ridiculous and I'm insecure, hence the post.

Or option 3 - you’re both really weird.

Dowhahdiddy · 14/01/2023 02:42

So you’re sat there like 🫣
And he’s sat there like 😜

I give this relationship until you turn 25. Then either you’ll grow up and leave the creepy older man, or you’ll grow up and he’ll leave you for another naive teenager.

Downunderduchess · 14/01/2023 03:12

Odd behaviour of yours. What happens when you are by yourself & you see a good looking man? Do you ogle him to your hearts content or what?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 14/01/2023 03:18

As someone once said to me you don't buy a new car every time you look in the showroom window.

LucyMcAndrew · 14/01/2023 04:57

Women (and sometimes men) are sexualised on stage in holiday resorts when you haven't necessarily sought it out.

Can someone explain more about this? I’ve never been on this sort of holiday and don’t understand what the shows are.

Busybutbored · 14/01/2023 05:41

DrMarciaFieldstone · 14/01/2023 02:35

Or option 3 - you’re both really weird.

Show quote history

I think this. It's weird that you purposely don't look at attractive men!

Aprilx · 14/01/2023 05:50

LucyMcAndrew · 14/01/2023 04:57

Women (and sometimes men) are sexualised on stage in holiday resorts when you haven't necessarily sought it out.

Can someone explain more about this? I’ve never been on this sort of holiday and don’t understand what the shows are.

I was wondering this too. When I am on holiday my evenings typically involve a restaurant with no half naked dancing people in sight.

harrassedmumto3 · 14/01/2023 06:05

I'd be trying to beat him at his own game!

knittingaddict · 14/01/2023 06:09

Calling yourself and other grown women girls and the rest of your posts, sounds like a fantasy to me. Not real, is it?

musingsinmidlife · 14/01/2023 06:12

It isn't creepy to watch entertainment - even entertainment of people who are not fully dressed or who are attractive. It isn't creepy to not turn your head away when walking by a member of the opposite sex.

Your husband isn't creepy. You are insecure and your behaviour is abnormal.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 14/01/2023 06:16

LucyMcAndrew · 14/01/2023 04:57

Women (and sometimes men) are sexualised on stage in holiday resorts when you haven't necessarily sought it out.

Can someone explain more about this? I’ve never been on this sort of holiday and don’t understand what the shows are.

I'd also like to know. It's making me think 'Butlins" 🤔😁😂

I don't like men that ogle - hate being ogled and any man that did it while was with him would be gone. Ogling is a different thing to 'noticing'.

caniputthewashingout · 14/01/2023 06:17

Sorry this thread is a wind up. The OP's comments are so odd that it sounds to me like a bloke trying to answer in a way he'd expect a woman to. (You're way off the mark, OP).

If by any chance it's genuine, then where on earth are you holidaying, Temptation Island?!

knittingaddict · 14/01/2023 06:20

caniputthewashingout · 14/01/2023 06:17

Sorry this thread is a wind up. The OP's comments are so odd that it sounds to me like a bloke trying to answer in a way he'd expect a woman to. (You're way off the mark, OP).

If by any chance it's genuine, then where on earth are you holidaying, Temptation Island?!

I agree. The particular brand of "girliness" is a dead giveaway.

Ineedtosleep79 · 14/01/2023 10:20

Coffeetableposhbooks · 13/01/2023 23:26

Then you are not a young girl you’re a grown woman.

is there s back story, very few grown women refer to themselves as young girls. It’s as odd as the looking away thing.

I don’t think any of us can advise you. It’s all a little off the scale and you maybe need some professional help, maybe therapy?

Show quote history

Jeeez over reaction much? You don't have therapy for stuff like that. Young women are often referred to as girls in their early/mid twenties, happens all the time!

Ineedtosleep79 · 14/01/2023 10:26

musingsinmidlife · 14/01/2023 06:12

It isn't creepy to watch entertainment - even entertainment of people who are not fully dressed or who are attractive. It isn't creepy to not turn your head away when walking by a member of the opposite sex.

Your husband isn't creepy. You are insecure and your behaviour is abnormal.

The point is she's not interested in this kind of thing. I'm not either. So why wouldn't she look away. It's probably more of a sub conscious thing..not like "I must look away!"

Neveragain85 · 14/01/2023 10:29

This is about respect, you are respectful to him & your relationship, he isn't. Does he do this at other times?

5128gap · 14/01/2023 10:32

You're a 20s woman who describes themselves as 'a young girl' pretty and a princess, and you're married to an older man whose the most beautiful man you could see? OK then.

Oblomov22 · 14/01/2023 10:34

Yes you are very insecure. But your relationship with a much older man is not balanced. I'm thinking john caudwell. Yuk. 🤮

Ineedtosleep79 · 14/01/2023 10:34

Mine is the most beautiful man in the world 😍😉

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 14/01/2023 10:37

Sorry OP but nobody is trying to force eye contact with you. Your relationship with your man sounds awfully unhealthy and perhaps controling

zingally · 14/01/2023 10:51

You're waaaaay over-thinking this.

tedderr · 14/01/2023 10:55

If a man looked at you, you think you could have him with a click of a finger? And think poor fucker for the woman with him?

You need to get over yourself a bit.
One minute you're really insecure because your partner is looking, the next you're a bit up your own arse thinking a man wants you with a click of your finger when he looks at you.

I'm in my 20s too so it's not an age thing. But the fact you physically walk up to a bar and get a drink, or turn the other way when someone clocks eyes on you is weird. The worlds full of people. People will look. Your partner is not doing anything wrong and not being a creep. A show is precisely that. To 'show.' Not for the audience to turn a blind eye and Everton scurry to the bar. If you don't like those types of things, don't go.

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