Anyone else's DH do this?!

[tiredmama23]

Sort of lighthearted ....

When DH does the Tesco food shop he messages me about 10-15 times over the hour or so he is there. Sends me pictures of different shelves saying "do you want anything from here?" or "which nappies?" and a screenshot of the entire shelf of nappies in Tesco, for example 🙈

The whole point of him doing the shop instead of me is so that I get a break from it and get to chill at home!! Instead I'm spending the whole time answering his texts about what to buy so might as well be in the bloody shop with him 🤷‍♀️ I find myself just replying "honestly whatever you think, just pick one".

Anyone else or just my DH with this annoying as fuck habit?!

Or AIBU and I need to shut up and be grateful he values my input? 😂

He does it because he thinks you’re in charge if wife work like shopping.

He’s communicating that shopping is beneath him as a man. That’s why he doesn’t remember what brand you had last time. He didn’t bother to engage his brain or memory because he wasn’t fully engaged with the ‘women’s work’ and was just a tourist in the incomprehensible chores that are women’s lot.

I hate it when men do this.

Nearly every week, I see the same bloke calling someone about what brand to get and whether he needs 6 or 12 eggs and and then taking photos of the shelves, I wonder if it's your husband 😂

Tell him before he goes that you are leaving all the choices to him (subject to any list you give him) and not to bother texting. If he does text, ignore it.

Yes nearly every isle 🤣🤣

No, because he has went on his own for groceries a grand total of 4 times in the 14 years we have lived together.

I work in a supermarket, and the number of people who do this is unbelievable.
How on earth did they manage before mobile phones?

I mean I wouldn’t literally do it. I just despise babyish incompetence, always from men, over basic life tasks that they can manage absolutely fine. I find it really a turn off, I always imagine them coming home going ‘I did it mummy, I went to the shops and paid the pennies all by myself!’

My DH will do this if he is buying birthday card (as he doesn't always pitch them right, a rude jokey card for a relative who had just lost a sibling is still seared in my mind) or if he is buying clothes for a second opinion, but only if he's checked I don't mind first

I have occasionally got a text about whether I want this tea or that tea etc but then it's usually followed up 30 seconds later by one saying - don't worry I've adulted

But when we first got together he would be horrendous with this. And when I got frustrated and asked him why it was because he was scared he would get it wrong and I would get annoyed with him. I had never got annoyed with him, mostly because i don't have much of an opinion on the 'right' or 'wrong' washing up liquid or brand of bread.

It turned out he had totally bought into the tired trope of wives getting angry if their husbands don't do things the right way, so he assumed I would get annoyed even though I never had. He's much better now thankfully.

Tend to agree with this. This is a bit ridiculous.

You can't shop without each other???

No of course not. He’s a grown up and equal partner. Not a teenage kid shopping for mum.

I can’t ever perceive a situation my husband would act so hapless. I don’t know how you don’t have the ick. I mean seriously, the man can’t even do a shop without guidance?

Nope. DH does all our shopping. I have very little input.

DH just does it- makes a decision. I don't care what he brings back as long as it's reasonably similar to what he went for.

No. That's not funny, that's shit. He needs to write a better shopping list for himself. You need to turn your phone off or ignore it.

When he has a rare hour of downtime, do you bombard him with demands and does he answer them?

And don't you have anything better to do with your rare hour to yourself? Is answering needy texts from your H honestly he most fun you can have by yourself?

If so you're well matched. If not, go and do something more fun instead!

On the tesco app - I'm not sure about others - you can do a shopping list for doing your shopping in store. You can pick which brands, add notes about alternatives, it even tells you where in the store which aisle etc to find each item!

Minebused to do similar Inow send the teen daughter with him - she sorts him out and he comes back somewhat bemused by her choices and she loves the fact that I agree with them!!

My DH does exactly this. Approximately 10 phone calls from the supermarket - things like 'I don't know what cheese to get' despite being together for over 20 years and hopefully having some idea of the sort of cheese I like.

One Christmas I had covid and he had to do the Christmas food shop. I honestly wanted to throw my phone out the window the number of calls he made. Often several calls from the same aisle 🙄And he still forgot about 10 key items.

Mine tried this in the early days soon bloody knocked that on the head

Honestly, this me grocery shopping as I never do it.

“Hey is this a good price on coffee?” -Pic
”Are we good on X”?
”what cut of meat do you need for Y?”
”Shit.. which is the brand of kitty litter that fluffy hates?”

In fairness on the coffee question we stock up when it’s on sale. Sometimes their sale price isn’t great and since we stock up, we rarely need some right then. When you don’t shop regularly you just don’t know or retain some of this stuff.

I can honestly say that mine has never contacted me while he's shopping.
I give him a list of any extras I might need, such as sanitary wear and that's it.
It's when he gets back home and he's unloading it and putting it all away that I get the running commentary.
I got this, got that, thought we might need some of the other so I got two because they were on a twofer etc.

I've worked in retail for many years, and I can confirm this is very common behaviour in men of all ages. Now and again one of them will beseech me for help, and being old and wise in the ways of these men, I always guide their faltering steps to the right aisle and product and give what I hope will be the right advice.

Being a grey-haired and grandmotherly sort, they seem to take me terribly seriously and are always pathetically grateful. I do like to think I've saved them from an awkward conversation when they get home.

My husband is a bit like OP’s. And he says it is because I criticise if he “gets it wrong”. But I don’t, in fact every time he says that I say I have never done this and I ask for an example and he doesn’t have one, because I truly don’t care what type of butter or kitchen roll he buys and have never criticised.

Luckily there’s no mobile reception here, so we’ve never got in the habit of mobile phones. But when I write a shopping list, I always have to tell him “these are the things we really need/have run out of, but it isn’t an exhaustive list, you still need to walk round all the shelves and buy stuff that isn’t on the list”.

No, he'll ask if there's anything in particular for the list before he goes. He has called once this year I think, to ask if I'd started lunch yet or if he should grab sandwiches. Oh, and once when doing the holiday food shop, to check how many meals he was buying because he didn't know what meals we are having at my mum's.