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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone else's DH do this?!

106 replies

tiredmama23 · 12/01/2023 19:18

Sort of lighthearted ....

When DH does the Tesco food shop he messages me about 10-15 times over the hour or so he is there. Sends me pictures of different shelves saying "do you want anything from here?" or "which nappies?" and a screenshot of the entire shelf of nappies in Tesco, for example 🙈

The whole point of him doing the shop instead of me is so that I get a break from it and get to chill at home!! Instead I'm spending the whole time answering his texts about what to buy so might as well be in the bloody shop with him 🤷‍♀️ I find myself just replying "honestly whatever you think, just pick one".

Anyone else or just my DH with this annoying as fuck habit?!

Or AIBU and I need to shut up and be grateful he values my input? 😂

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 12/01/2023 20:51

It’s not a nice thing: it’s weaponised incompetence- does he do anything in the house without explicit instructions?

watchfulwishes · 12/01/2023 21:01

Actually we both do this to each other Blush

Not photos, but we do phone up or text to discuss. We both like doing the shopping, so feels unkind to leave the other out Blush

Obviously some shopping trips are just practical.

Mrbay · 12/01/2023 21:02

Mine does! But it's only so he gets the things we like, it's annoying but would be more annoying if he got the wrong thing.

OK, I'm a control freak and he knows this so it's just easier all round to double check!

comfortablylesslumpy · 12/01/2023 21:12

He's Performance Shopping.
Probably thinks he should get a medal.
Ridiculous isn't it.

DrMadelineMaxwell · 12/01/2023 21:14

No.

But when we do occasionally shop together he keeps a running commentary of what is on the shelves we are walking past. Beans......tomatoes......eggs.
Does my head in. I can see what there is!

IsThePopeCatholic · 12/01/2023 21:21

Shoxfordian · 12/01/2023 20:51

It’s not a nice thing: it’s weaponised incompetence- does he do anything in the house without explicit instructions?

Agreed. Not cute, not funny, just pathetic.

Kanaloa · 12/01/2023 21:24

Beancounter1 · 12/01/2023 20:32

I know you said 'light hearted', but honestly, I couldn't be with a man this incompetent.

@Kanaloa - you've nailed it. He is signalling that this shopping is woman's work, beneath him to know how to do it, so he will keep making it OP's work with all the texts. Totally sexist.

Same here tbh. I’m always bemused by the level of utter incompetence some women are happy to put up with. A man who is incapable of doing simple basic tasks would turn me off so much.

Kanaloa · 12/01/2023 21:26

Reminds me of something my friend was saying in a funny/light hearted way of how her husband always announces stuff. He’ll walk in and say, ‘I’ve made the beds. I’ve emptied the dishwasher. I’ve folded the laundry.‘ She was laughing but I thought what the fuck, reminds me of my kids when they were little going mummy mummy look mummy look at me mummy. Never heard a woman announce ‘I washed the dishes.’

Original poster
tiredmama23 · 12/01/2023 21:26

Shoxfordian · 12/01/2023 20:51

It’s not a nice thing: it’s weaponised incompetence- does he do anything in the house without explicit instructions?

Yes he does a lot without instructions. Just the food shop seems to be something I apparently need to give a lot of input on!🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredmama23 · 12/01/2023 21:26

Kanaloa · 12/01/2023 21:26

Reminds me of something my friend was saying in a funny/light hearted way of how her husband always announces stuff. He’ll walk in and say, ‘I’ve made the beds. I’ve emptied the dishwasher. I’ve folded the laundry.‘ She was laughing but I thought what the fuck, reminds me of my kids when they were little going mummy mummy look mummy look at me mummy. Never heard a woman announce ‘I washed the dishes.’

He does this too 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredmama23 · 12/01/2023 21:27

DrMadelineMaxwell · 12/01/2023 21:14

No.

But when we do occasionally shop together he keeps a running commentary of what is on the shelves we are walking past. Beans......tomatoes......eggs.
Does my head in. I can see what there is!

What?! Why? 😂😂

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 12/01/2023 21:32

tiredmama23 · 12/01/2023 21:26

He does this too 🤣

Show quote history

Ah, okay. So he just generally thinks it’s all beneath him and wants constant praise for doing the bare minimum. I mean it would make me want to rip his head off and mount it on a spike but I’m glad you find it funny.

pelargoniums · 12/01/2023 21:36

DP used to do this and still has a tendency to unless I am vigilant in responding in an annoying fashion. Eg to “which nappies”: “the kind we usually get”. “Want anything from here?”: “surprise me”. “Should I get some XYZ?”: “Let me check with the office manager.” “Do we need milk?”: “My X-ray vision is broken.”

Basically it’s annoying as fuck so I’m annoying as fuck back.

inloveandmarried · 12/01/2023 21:38

Tinkerbyebye · 12/01/2023 19:25

Just do online shopping and have it delivered. Much quicker and cheaper as you don’t impulse buy

Or a click and collect and get him to collect it.

You can just press previous orders and 'add this to basket' for a regular shop. It takes a few mins. You'd get more peace.

Prettybutdumb · 12/01/2023 21:46

tiredmama23 · 12/01/2023 19:18

Sort of lighthearted ....

When DH does the Tesco food shop he messages me about 10-15 times over the hour or so he is there. Sends me pictures of different shelves saying "do you want anything from here?" or "which nappies?" and a screenshot of the entire shelf of nappies in Tesco, for example 🙈

The whole point of him doing the shop instead of me is so that I get a break from it and get to chill at home!! Instead I'm spending the whole time answering his texts about what to buy so might as well be in the bloody shop with him 🤷‍♀️ I find myself just replying "honestly whatever you think, just pick one".

Anyone else or just my DH with this annoying as fuck habit?!

Or AIBU and I need to shut up and be grateful he values my input? 😂

All of this plus the occasional FaceTime where I have to stare at the shelves through his phone camera. 🙄 He asks such silly questions about the stuff on the shelves / list I give him that I prey no parents from our kids’ school are near him.

When he’s done shopping I have to list again everything and check if he remembered to put it in the trolley. After all this does he still come home without essentials? Of course.

GlitteryGreen · 12/01/2023 21:48

Yeah not quite to the same extent but if DP goes to Tesco I usually get a call to ask about something...eg do we need X or Y.

It's annoying cos he gets annoyed if I miss the call but I don't just sit around watching my phone in case he needs me to make a decision for him!!

Prettybutdumb · 12/01/2023 21:50

tiredmama23 · 12/01/2023 19:35

@NeverDropYourMooncup 😂

I've had photos of the entire shelf of tampons before now, with the caption simply: "????"

Apparently "just the ones you got me last time please" wasn't clear enough and yielded the reply "which ones were they?"

FFS! 🙄😂

Are we married to the same man??

I have to send back the pic and circle the correct tampons on the shelf.

Original poster
tiredmama23 · 12/01/2023 22:01

I have to send back the pic and circle the correct tampons on the shelf.*

Yep, done this a few times 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredmama23 · 12/01/2023 22:04

@Kanaloa

I mean... like most humans, he's a mix of good and bad so, he has many good points amongst these annoying habits, which largely prevent me from ripping any parts of his body off and "mounting them on a spike" 😳

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredmama23 · 12/01/2023 22:05

pelargoniums · 12/01/2023 21:36

DP used to do this and still has a tendency to unless I am vigilant in responding in an annoying fashion. Eg to “which nappies”: “the kind we usually get”. “Want anything from here?”: “surprise me”. “Should I get some XYZ?”: “Let me check with the office manager.” “Do we need milk?”: “My X-ray vision is broken.”

Basically it’s annoying as fuck so I’m annoying as fuck back.

I'm going to try this tactic!😂

OP posts:
cigarettesNalcohol · 12/01/2023 22:22

It's not a 'nice' thing for him to do. It's lazy and it's keeping you in the mental head space of having to think for him!
Completely unacceptable, I would tell him to stop messaging/calling you as you won't be picking up. Classic tactic of making himself useless so you end up doing it...

XlemonX · 12/01/2023 22:22

Hahahah! Couldnt hold myself from laughing because this could really been me writing this so obv my DH is just like that… the suggestion of putting phone on silence will mean a full load of non-essential shopping such as different type of crisps, chocolate and drinks because those he can pick without asking me duh

SallyWD · 12/01/2023 22:26

Yes mine does! In fairness I do it to him as well.

Nowthatlovehasperished · 12/01/2023 22:26

Weaponised Incompetence

Many men use it

GuyGomasWife · 12/01/2023 22:28

Yep, but usually by phone when I'm trying to wrap up work for the day. Though having said that I call him if I'm at the shops and they don't have the usual cat food and am incapable of turning on the dishwasher so it's fairly equal

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