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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House sale, 3 adult children, 1 with nowhere to go

266 replies

MakeMineALarge1 · 12/01/2023 17:04

So MIL passed away, she had 3 children ( all children 50 yrs +), I am married to one of them
Adult 1 - I am married to, both him and me in good jobs, 1 dependant child
Adult 2 - Single, decent job, mortgage free
Adult 3 - Single - never had a real job, works hard but plays hard and has never settled down, spend half the year skiing and then comes back lives with mum and goes back again in the winter

MIL passed away, house being kept on as if sold, child 3 will effectively be homeless ( they do have 2 children who both have homes and lots of friends, so wouldn't be on the street ) but he cannot buy the other 2 out and cannot afford to keep the house on his self - the house isn't worth a great deal, say £180,000 ball park figure, so if sold and split equally only £60,000 each, which wouldn't be enough to buy him a place, but would cover rent for a good while until i presume benefits kick in?

Adult 1 and 3 are not pushing for the sale and they will not see number 3 homeless, but this can't go on forever ( its all very recent) I am not getting involved, but would be interested in knowing what others think.

Also this situation very much mirrors my own family with my sibling being very much like adult 3 and I may be facing this conundrum in the future.

OP posts:
SpacersChoice · 12/01/2023 17:06

Not much of a conundrum, it’s well overdue that the other sibling enters the real fucking world.

Original poster
MakeMineALarge1 · 12/01/2023 17:08

SpacersChoice · 12/01/2023 17:06

Not much of a conundrum, it’s well overdue that the other sibling enters the real fucking world.

Something me and my husband have said many a time! But its not something I am willing to say now and be seen as the greedy DIL trying to get her hands on the money - I am not!

OP posts:
PacificallyRequested · 12/01/2023 17:09

I might also be in a similar situation one day.
I think the house should be sold and the money split.

Hankunamatata · 12/01/2023 17:09

If I was siblings I'd get legal documentation drawn up that dc3 pays nominal rent to dc 1 and 2. He is responsible for the household bills. All 3 jointly responsible for cost of property upkeep.

gfy · 12/01/2023 17:10

Benefits won't kick in until sibling is below 16000 but will cover rent for a while

OnlyFannys · 12/01/2023 17:11

He has led the life of Riley by springing off just mum and now is seemingly doing the same with his siblings. He needs to grow up

Original poster
MakeMineALarge1 · 12/01/2023 17:11

Hankunamatata · 12/01/2023 17:09

If I was siblings I'd get legal documentation drawn up that dc3 pays nominal rent to dc 1 and 2. He is responsible for the household bills. All 3 jointly responsible for cost of property upkeep.

That's a good idea. I will put that one forward. However what happens when he is out of the country for 6 months - he pays rent when he is away, not sure he could afford 2 rents - I think he knows himself it will have to be sold, its too big for one person and needs a lot of work doing on it

OP posts:
OnlyFannys · 12/01/2023 17:11

OnlyFannys · 12/01/2023 17:11

He has led the life of Riley by springing off just mum and now is seemingly doing the same with his siblings. He needs to grow up

*sponging not springing

HarryArry · 12/01/2023 17:12

The house needs to be sold and they all get 60k each. Adult 3 can rent air BnB’s or whatever when not skiing.

Original poster
MakeMineALarge1 · 12/01/2023 17:12

OnlyFannys · 12/01/2023 17:11

He has led the life of Riley by springing off just mum and now is seemingly doing the same with his siblings. He needs to grow up

Yes I agree. Its not for me to say that, but me and my husband both agree
MIL was a soft touch and she enjoyed the company.
What I don't want is to be seen to be pushing a sale

OP posts:
Woeman · 12/01/2023 17:12

Party's over pal.

AndyWarholsPiehole · 12/01/2023 17:13

If he can afford to fuck off out of the country on a jolly for 6 months of the year then he can afford to pay rent on his own place.

BarbaraofSeville · 12/01/2023 17:13

Why would 'adult' 3 ever be entitled to benefits? It doesn't sound like they are unable to work, just that they've managed to get away with not having to all the time up to now.

It could either be arranged that they rent the house off the other two siblings, or it is sold and the proceeds split. It's not like they'd have nothing, with £60k and decades of experience skiing. If they earn money from this, they could continue to do so, surely?

Floralnomad · 12/01/2023 17:13

House needs to go , all the siblings need to sit down and have a chat .

Schnooze · 12/01/2023 17:13

It’s not as if they even spend all year there if they flit back and forth on holiday.

I think give then a year to get a permanent job to take over the mortgage. If they can’t get enough loaned then perhaps they need to pay part rent to another sibling who will still own the part of the house.

If not, you need to sell. It’s one thing helping someone who works full time, it’s another enabling someone to have a lovely life at your expense.

JengaCupboard · 12/01/2023 17:14

Absolutely sell and split - and it's not about the money - A3 has shirked responsibility and effectively lived like a teenager for 50+ years as you say - absolutely no benefit in A1&2 enabling him further! If he ski's for 6 months a year I assume there is no physical or health/mental health reasons why he can't sort himself out - and £60k does buy a bit of time to get your head around it!

Original poster
MakeMineALarge1 · 12/01/2023 17:17

BarbaraofSeville · 12/01/2023 17:13

Why would 'adult' 3 ever be entitled to benefits? It doesn't sound like they are unable to work, just that they've managed to get away with not having to all the time up to now.

It could either be arranged that they rent the house off the other two siblings, or it is sold and the proceeds split. It's not like they'd have nothing, with £60k and decades of experience skiing. If they earn money from this, they could continue to do so, surely?

I don't know if they would be
If they were renting and then stopped work at say 65 would they get housing benefit - I don't know - its not something I have ever thought about to be honest - for what its worth - no I don't think he should.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 12/01/2023 17:17

Do you know that he doesn't actually have any money? If he's lived with his DM up to now, he could have saved/invested enough to buy a house or do what he wants. Was he just partying, or was he working as a ski guide?

Either way, it's not really for you to worry about, except it should be clear that the time has come where he stands on his own two feet.

totallyhadenoughofthisbs · 12/01/2023 17:18

Sponger sibling needs to move out and pay his way.
When he's off skiiing he's not 'homeless' is he? He needs to get a job and adult like the rest of us. Nice to be off skiiing when you can afford that lifestyle but not at the expense of siblings!

saltinesandcoffeecups · 12/01/2023 17:18

#3 sounds like they are using it because it’s convenient… not that it’s your problem but likely they’ll use the money from the sale to fund short term rentals when not traveling.

Not really anyone else’s problem.

LimeCheesecake · 12/01/2023 17:19

Sibling 3 had 2 adult dcs with their own homes - would one of said adult dcs be able / willing to go in on buying a property with their dad (assume if whole house worth £180k in your area, a flat could be bought more like £100k), he owns his half out right and pays rent to his child for their share. Could possibly get a lodger in to help , particularly if sibling 3 is only there 6 months of the year.

BarbaraofSeville · 12/01/2023 17:21

MakeMineALarge1 · 12/01/2023 17:17

I don't know if they would be
If they were renting and then stopped work at say 65 would they get housing benefit - I don't know - its not something I have ever thought about to be honest - for what its worth - no I don't think he should.

Show quote history

There's very little state support for healthy working age adults under state pension age, which I assume is 67 for him.

Therefore, he'd get about £300 pm and some rent paid, (likely on a very small place in a cheap area) as an absolute maximum, but he'd be expected to look for work to get that.

Preggingswearingleggings · 12/01/2023 17:21

No dilemma here. Go to court if necessary and get the house sold and split. It's not you or your husbands problem what an able-bodied adult does to support themselves. What a chancer.

MincePiesAreMyJam · 12/01/2023 17:21

When my Mum passes, we will be in this situation with one sibling (not me) having greater housing needs. Genuinely not sure what we will do...

FOJN · 12/01/2023 17:21

Most household insurance companies won't insure you if the house is left empty for any period of time and some will even stipulate what temperature the heating must be set at if the house isn't occupied full time. Doesn't sound like sponger sibling will be able to cover the cost of rent and bills if he's only in the country for half the year and you will be saddled with maintenance costs. I'd save myself the headache and force a sale.

If there was background which explained why someone in their 50's wasn't independent of their parent I would be more understanding but in this instance it just sounds like someone enjoying a lovely lifestyle whilst everyone else worries about them becoming homeless.

If the house is worth 180k then 60k would provide a decent deposit for a flat and unless the low house value is to do with condition and location then presumably property prices locally are fairly low and he wouldn't need a huge income to get sufficient mortgage for a flat.

At what age do the family expect this sibling to start behaving like a responsible adult? Refuse to be the solution to a problem you didn't create.