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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House sale, 3 adult children, 1 with nowhere to go

266 replies

MakeMineALarge1 · 12/01/2023 17:04

So MIL passed away, she had 3 children ( all children 50 yrs +), I am married to one of them
Adult 1 - I am married to, both him and me in good jobs, 1 dependant child
Adult 2 - Single, decent job, mortgage free
Adult 3 - Single - never had a real job, works hard but plays hard and has never settled down, spend half the year skiing and then comes back lives with mum and goes back again in the winter

MIL passed away, house being kept on as if sold, child 3 will effectively be homeless ( they do have 2 children who both have homes and lots of friends, so wouldn't be on the street ) but he cannot buy the other 2 out and cannot afford to keep the house on his self - the house isn't worth a great deal, say £180,000 ball park figure, so if sold and split equally only £60,000 each, which wouldn't be enough to buy him a place, but would cover rent for a good while until i presume benefits kick in?

Adult 1 and 3 are not pushing for the sale and they will not see number 3 homeless, but this can't go on forever ( its all very recent) I am not getting involved, but would be interested in knowing what others think.

Also this situation very much mirrors my own family with my sibling being very much like adult 3 and I may be facing this conundrum in the future.

OP posts:
HarryArry · 12/01/2023 17:22

My SIL was like adult 3, it turned out she had 80k in savings she kept quiet about. When the late parents house was sold she bought a home outright. I guess all the years living there rent free paid off.

Hankunamatata · 12/01/2023 17:22

I was going to suggest a lodger too for when he is out of the country but if the house needs that much work then might not be suitable

boboshmobo · 12/01/2023 17:24

£60k will get him a flat somewhere so he can do that .. it's the fairest thing ... he can't stay in the house forever because he is a loser ..

He has had no doubt free rent for years !!🙄🙄

ICanHideButICantRun · 12/01/2023 17:25

How old is he? He's got two adult children who have their own home, but he doesn't?

YourWinter · 12/01/2023 17:28

My mother’s will stipulated that when she died her house would be jointly owned by her three adult children and the one that still lived with her could continue to do so rent free for his lifetime, with all running and maintenance costs at his expense. The two of us who already have our own homes would have preferred it sold and split three ways but the sibling who lived with her couldn’t have bought another property. It is what it is. We all went to an appointment at the Land Registry to put the house in our three names.

NeuroWasabi · 12/01/2023 17:29

It seems quite obvious that adult 3 will have to make other arrangements for accommodation when back in the UK and the house be sold.

It's not fair or practical to do otherwise, unless you wanted to rent out the house for the 6 months of the year that he's not living there? That would provide some income and then he could pay rent to adults 1 and 2 directly when he's in the UK, and I would assume earning an income?

Yesthatismychildsigh · 12/01/2023 17:30

SpacersChoice · 12/01/2023 17:06

Not much of a conundrum, it’s well overdue that the other sibling enters the real fucking world.

This

bridgetreilly · 12/01/2023 17:35

You all stop needing to use the word homeless and start describing the sibling as an independent adult who is responsible for his own choices. Unless he wants to buy his siblings out, the house has to sold. Then he can do whatever he likes.

BliainNua · 12/01/2023 17:37

In an ideal world the house should be sold and money split 3 ways, but we all know families are complicated.

My DM had a similar situation; her DSis worked abroad for most of the year (in a kind of voluntary/missionary role) but when she came "home" she stayed with her DM (my grandma). My grandma died with no will, so house was split between siblings. But as my aunt had no home here, and no real income my DM and her bro agreed to basically give away their inheritance and signed it all over to aunt (their sister). It was the right thing for their family, but can imagine for lots of others it wouldn't have been. She's elderly now & lives in the same 4 bed house all alone.

She has no DC or partner, so I've no idea who she will leave the house to when she dies.
I'd like to think it would still stay in the family, but she could easily leave it to the local cats home.

Rowthe · 12/01/2023 17:39

He needs to start funding his own future but wont do it until he gets a reality check.

Get the house sold.

Southwig22 · 12/01/2023 17:40

Is this even a conundrum?

House gets sold, split equally. What each adult does with the money is up to them.

Would suggest adult 3 uses it for a deposit on a shared ownership or studio property which will leave them with minimal mortgage that they can cover through even basic work.

crimsonlake · 12/01/2023 17:40

This was the situation when my sisters mil died, one unmarried son in his fifties no longer working due to mental health issues still living with her.
Two other siblings with their own grown up children, one sibling very wealthy, the other just comfortable but unable to help his children financially etc.
The sibling has remained in the former home and I imagine lives there rent free and I expect ill continue to do so until he dies.
I never voiced my opinion of course but it would have been nice to see my niece's and nephew's receive a little windfall towards buying their first home.

Edwardandtubbs · 12/01/2023 17:42

This happened in my family except there were 4 siblings. It has been 5 years since the parent died. There's no hope of a resolution as no-one will say anything to the resident sibling.

One of the 4 has since died and so never got their inheritance. The rest are in their mid-late 70s and I can honestly see it dragging on until they have all died and then it'll be up to us to sort out.

I'd urge you (your DH) to get it sorted out before it becomes the next generation's problem.

skyeisthelimit · 12/01/2023 17:43

They need to sell the house and split the money 3 ways. He can use the money to pay his rent if he doesn't work. His siblings should NOT be subsidising his lifestyle.

If they do decide to keep it on then they need a proper rental tenancy agreement for the 2/3 that he is renting out, payable at market value. Get an estate agent to draw up the paperwork and take a deposit etc. He will be liable for 1/3 of the repairs etc. It will need to meet all current criteria for a rental property, EPC, smoke alarms etc.

It would be easier to just sell it.

1FootInTheRave · 12/01/2023 17:43

Sibling 3 needs to grow the fuck up.

bigbluebus · 12/01/2023 17:45

I'd give him a reasonable amount of time to get himself sorted with an alternative - say maximum 6 months so it's not in the middle of the ski season - then the house goes on the market to be split 3 ways. No point in keeping the house if he's not living on it for half of the year and can't afford to run it.

Who are the executors to MILs Estate? Much easier if it's a firm if solicitors or someone outside of the family - it takes the emotional aspect out of it.

Spanielsarepainless · 12/01/2023 17:47

A friend was in a similar situation. She and siblings tried to be kind. Now a decade later, relation is impossible to shift. I would give person 3 six months to get their act together then sell the house.

Goldbar · 12/01/2023 17:49

LimeCheesecake · 12/01/2023 17:19

Sibling 3 had 2 adult dcs with their own homes - would one of said adult dcs be able / willing to go in on buying a property with their dad (assume if whole house worth £180k in your area, a flat could be bought more like £100k), he owns his half out right and pays rent to his child for their share. Could possibly get a lodger in to help , particularly if sibling 3 is only there 6 months of the year.

Why should adult 3's children take financial responsibility for their feckless father 😬?

I'm assuming there's a relationship breakdown in there somewhere if this man has been living most of his life with his mother and that he's never actually housed his DC himself - is this correct, OP? So why should they house him?

House needs to be sold and adult 3 will just have to sort something out.

LadyEloise1 · 12/01/2023 17:50

1FootInTheRave · 12/01/2023 17:43

Sibling 3 needs to grow the fuck up.

This 💯

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 12/01/2023 17:51

As a mother my assets are to be split 50/50 between my children regardless of eithers circumstances. Just sell the property, it will never get easier.

Original poster
MakeMineALarge1 · 12/01/2023 17:52

Thank you for all your comments
They have paid a supplement for the house to remain empty for 6 months, heating will be on minimum, but this bill will be covered by the three of them
One of adult 3 children have said to him that he cannot keep the house as its not fair
This has all happened recently and adult 3 had to get back to the ski resort as he had work booked in
I do think when he gets back decisions will be made
Just want to reiterate I am not pushing for the sale as financially we are ok at the moment

OP posts:
Original poster
MakeMineALarge1 · 12/01/2023 17:53

I am however interested in everyones opinions as I too will be in this situation in the future as my brother following a break up is back at home with my mum

OP posts:
Original poster
MakeMineALarge1 · 12/01/2023 17:55

@Goldbar he has 2 adult children to 2 different ladies, never really lived with either of them
Yes he is a charmer!
The other 2 are nothing like that and I cannot believe at times they are from the same family

OP posts:
user1471538283 · 12/01/2023 17:56

The house has to be sold now!

The upkeep on the property and council tax will fall to the two siblings who do not live in it. Overtime the house will deteriorate. The other siblings are not responsible for his housing. He had plenty of time to save.

It will cause resentment. The other siblings have enough on without looking after an additional house forever.

We could all be free spirits and holiday 6 months of the year if we had somewhere free to stay the rest of the time!

BabyOnBoard90 · 12/01/2023 17:56

Sounds like you just want a sale you can enjoy DHs 33% stake in the property.

Otherwise I can't understand your level of investment in the issue. You aren't married A3 and MIL didn't leave the property to you