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Original poster

House sale, 3 adult children, 1 with nowhere to go

266 replies

MakeMineALarge1 · 12/01/2023 17:04

So MIL passed away, she had 3 children ( all children 50 yrs +), I am married to one of them
Adult 1 - I am married to, both him and me in good jobs, 1 dependant child
Adult 2 - Single, decent job, mortgage free
Adult 3 - Single - never had a real job, works hard but plays hard and has never settled down, spend half the year skiing and then comes back lives with mum and goes back again in the winter

MIL passed away, house being kept on as if sold, child 3 will effectively be homeless ( they do have 2 children who both have homes and lots of friends, so wouldn't be on the street ) but he cannot buy the other 2 out and cannot afford to keep the house on his self - the house isn't worth a great deal, say £180,000 ball park figure, so if sold and split equally only £60,000 each, which wouldn't be enough to buy him a place, but would cover rent for a good while until i presume benefits kick in?

Adult 1 and 3 are not pushing for the sale and they will not see number 3 homeless, but this can't go on forever ( its all very recent) I am not getting involved, but would be interested in knowing what others think.

Also this situation very much mirrors my own family with my sibling being very much like adult 3 and I may be facing this conundrum in the future.

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 12/01/2023 18:54

Still.need to sell.up and split the money. He will be fine. He could use it as a deposit on a flat, or maisonette if he gets a job.

Iflyaway · 12/01/2023 18:55

All 3 jointly responsible for cost of property upkeep.

What??! Why should the two siblings have to fork out for the one who won't grown up?!

BunchHarman · 12/01/2023 18:56

MakeMineALarge1 · 12/01/2023 18:02

I am answering questions as they come in, I am not pushing for the sale, I am genuinely interested in other opinions especially as I will be in a similar situation in my own family

Me and my husband have already said the money, if we get any will be put away for our children.

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Ignore this poster. Their MO is to talk absolute shit and have a pop at OPs. 😆

NumberTheory · 12/01/2023 18:58

SpottyBalloons · 12/01/2023 18:51

@YourWinter I'd find it hard not to resent the sibling in this situation. If they outlive you you'll never see your inheritance, yet your sibling gets to benefit from it for the rest of their life.

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I can see why children could resent this. And with some siblings that might well be justified.

But I think there are situations where the adult child at home has either provided for the parent, physically and emotionally, at their own cost by staying in the family home or been failed by the parent (pressured to stay or not provided witht he same support to leave). And to some extent, the additional right to stay is somewhat poor compensation for the lost opportunity to buy their own place or branch out on their own.

toocold54 · 12/01/2023 18:58

All those saying 60k is a good deposit, it doesn't sound like A3 can afford to pay a mortgage.

His age may be an issue and he’ll be paying maintenance for 2 kids but as a single adult who works hard he should be pretty well off and I would have thought he could easily get a mortgage.

Or even buy a property outright in certain areas, especially abroad.

Original poster
MakeMineALarge1 · 12/01/2023 19:00

@toocold54 he isn't paying maintenance for the 2 children

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 12/01/2023 19:09

Either he sorts out a solution whereby the other two owners have their share protected and costs covered (ie, he pays them rent) and ensure the house is not stood empty whilst he is away (lodgers/tenants)... or yeah, it needs to be sold.

It's fine if HE wants to split his life across more than one country/home, but its not fair for the other two owners to pay for that property/risk their share in the process.

justanotherhappyflunkie · 12/01/2023 19:11

This happpened in my family but was dealt with differently as circumstances different.

One child (adult) had cared for parents until they died (within a few months of each other) and had lived in the house for many years contributing, earning where possible and making sure parents were safe. Had they not cared for parents then ALL the house money would have gone on care home fees.

This child got 50% of house sale and 2 siblings both mortgage free no dependants got 25% each.

Did the adult living with your MIL care for her in any way?

ZenNudist · 12/01/2023 19:12

Both my dbro and dbil live with our parents in their late 30s /40s. All other siblings do well in life but will appreciate the funds towards eventual retirement.

One day I fully expect the house to be sold and all of us to get our fair equal share.

House needs to be sold. Unless you lot are loaded.

Saz12 · 12/01/2023 19:15

It’s well and good to say you don’t need the money. But will you be able to afford your share of upkeep, bills etc for a house that sits empty all winter? And why would you spend that money anyway?

It should be sold. Sibling can choose what he then does - eg have a mortgage on a cheaper flat if he’s desperate for a home base, or whatever he wants.

snowsilver · 12/01/2023 19:16

What does the will say?
The executors have a duty to implement the will. If no specific mention is made of the house being left to one person then all the assets must be liquidated and distributed to the beneficiaries.
If you are not an executor then you have no say in the matter.

ZekeZeke · 12/01/2023 19:17

Was there a will?
The executors are bound by the will.
If her assets are to be split 3 ways thrn that's what has to happen surely? Ie house sold, debts paid and what's left is split 3 ways.

Ponderingwindow · 12/01/2023 19:18

The house needs to be sold. Saying all 3 will contribute to maintenance is all well and good when it is 100 here and there, but soon enough there is going to be something like a new roof or a major foundation repair and the arguments will begin. I watched it happen with a spouse and shared ownership of the family holiday home that some family members used more than others. The sooner they sell, the better.

Georgeskitchen · 12/01/2023 19:20

Time to get tough . 60 grand is good wack of money in these straitened times. He's a grown adult not a vulnerable teenager. Did he expect home for life?
Tough shit. If the terms of the will state equal 3 way split then he needs to get off his arse and get himself some accommodation

Testina · 12/01/2023 19:23

MakeMineALarge1 · 12/01/2023 18:40

@toocold54 I have never said that he doesn't work, he works bloody hard and is never without a job - he is however 55 - he just never thought this day would come , but seeing MIL was in her 80's it was only a matter of time

How do you know he never thought this day would come, if you haven’t discussed what to do? Of course he knew it would come.

ElephantInTheKitchen · 12/01/2023 19:28

MakeMineALarge1 · 12/01/2023 18:03

He does ski, but he also works out there general maintenance, taxi etc, lives quite cheap and cheerful, so not out skiing and drinking etc

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Is there work available in the ski resort or surrounding areas during the summer too? I imagine there's maintenance to be done in the off-season, and many ski resorts have a summer hiking industry too.

If it's as cheap and cheerful as you describe, I wonder if living out there full time would be an option - would £60k buy him a flat there? Would he be able to do so post-Brexit?

NoMoreLifts · 12/01/2023 19:29

Went to Rightmove and found somewhere where there were 3 bed houses for that price (within 40 miles of Derby) .
There were 316 2 bed properties for £60,000 or less in the same area, even after I excluded shared ownership. 110 of them were houses.
He'll be fine.

Testina · 12/01/2023 19:29

“One of adult 3 children have said to him that he cannot keep the house as its not fair
This has all happened recently and adult 3 had to get back to the ski resort as he had work booked in
I do think when he gets back decisions will be made”

Can you just clarify… this sounds like he was already working overseas when his mother died. You said it was recent, you said he had to get back out there.

What did you expect him to do, whilst he still has what - 4 months? - to work out there?
You’re posting like he’s some arsehole refusing to move, not a man whose main U.K. base has been removed whilst he’s abroad - and you know, lost his mother. When in fact it’s perfectly reasonable that he hasn’t gone into full on sale mode - and your husband or the other brother has already told him they want to sell the house.

So why post like he’s taking the piss, when he’s not? May as well blame MIL for not dying in the summer.

I have a sibling living with parents. None of us would expect her to be out in less than 6 months. And certainly not if she was working abroad for another few months!

Whoknew42 · 12/01/2023 19:30

I would ask what he had planned to do in this obvious eventuality and can u help him with that? Always makes people feel pretty awkward in this kind of situation.

Hes taking the piss. Doesn't sound like he can't afford to live imo!

Kennykenkencat · 12/01/2023 19:31

I think that the house should be sold and split and adult 3 could find himself a flat somewhere for his £60k

Even if it is a tiny 1 bed or studio or given he does handy man type stuff could he make a bit of a business buying a flat, doing it up then selling it, then buying another etc etc till he gets a better place or even when he has finished a place renting it out, mortgaging it then going off skiing and working and when he returns he does the same again

I think he is the type to land on his feet . A bit of direction and he could be quite successful.

londonrach · 12/01/2023 19:33

Adult 3 needs to grow up! Sell house and split it....dmil.has stopped adult 3 bring grown up.

Kendodd · 12/01/2023 19:34

You say the house is worth about £180. That suggests it's in a cheap area of the country. Are you sure he couldn't buy a small flat, with a small mortgage and get a flat mate in with rent to cover most of it? Has he even looked into this? What has adult 3 said he wants to do?

ICanHideButICantRun · 12/01/2023 19:36

He's 55 and doesn't work in this country. Where would he get a mortgage from?

SD1978 · 12/01/2023 19:41

Sold and split. He's chosen to piss fart away his chance to build up any savings by skiing half the year, and getting free lodgings for the other half of the year. His lack of ability to fund himself now isn't the issue for the other two siblings.

amonsteronthehill · 12/01/2023 19:43

House should be sold, not at empty for half the year while third sibling is off skiing/working odd jobs elsewhere. I imagine the bills (council tax, insurance, heating, water, etc) exist year round and need to be covered. Plus an empty house could easily become a target for thieves, squatters, etc