Or will I need to leave my job and possibly career when DD starts school?!

[Oneanddone88]

I'm a head of department in a school 75 mins from home. Been there 12 years and am valued and respected. Partner also works an hour away from home 3 days per week. No local family etc.
When I applied for schools, I had to pick the ones with some form of wrap-around. I'll find out in April which will accept DD.
Wrap-around near me is pretty poor, local school has none at all. However, even the ones that do, it's 8.30 til 5pm latest.
We've got some savings and I could ensure I had about 3 months bills saved up before the summer. Am I totally bonkers to leave my job ? I just don't see how it's even going to be doable.
I've applied for a remote education related job this eve, but I'm so sad that I'll have to leave my current place.
Anyone else had to make a drastic change when their little ones started school? Can I keep her in nursery forever please ? 🤣
Local childminders also pretty non existent too. Can't move location either (step child )

Have a hard look at what the commute is actually costing you, and add in the cost of wrap-around care and a nanny to that as well. If you drive, add in the wear and tear on your car. Now take that whole lot off your salary and decide whether you would still have wanted that job at the lower pay.

And then think about the time you are missing with DD. You barely see her right now as it is, and like others said, you're crackers for spending so much time commuting. Where is the time for the two of you, or for you and your husband, or even just for yourself?

I know there's a cost of living crisis but some things matter more than just money. You won't get this time of her life back. If it were me I'd apply for the local roles, even if they're a step back in terms of seniority (and yes, I've stepped back in my career, and I wish I had done it years ago!).

Would it be possible for your DD to attend the school you teach at? Theres a few teachers at DC school whose kids attend even though they don't live in the area. DC school has a strict catchment zone, but they obviously make allowances for teachers kids.

PRUs are fantastic. Very hard work, but so is mainstream. Less marking, less prep. I know several teachers have left our trust to go to PRUs and loved it. One is setting up his own AP. He will be raking it in soon.

It is totally bonkers to consider leaving work because your child started school! You can have live in au pairs, childminders, other parents at school being paid to look after your kids, all sorts of options! Imagine you are single and living your job in not an option, what would you do; you would find a way. There is always a way

I stand corrected.

I thought a lot of teachers have their kids in the same school (or connected primary/secondary). 75min commute might not be loads of fun for kids but you could have chat/screen time and save a bomb on childcare?

@Greenlee I don't agree that I barely see DD at the moment. I have 3 days a week with her (I don't have a social life ), and every morning as she's up early with me. However ,I agree I do need to look at the commute.
I'm not long home after a terrible journey , 1 hour 25 mins this eve. I can't keep doing this anyway, irrespective of DD starting school, I need to leave. It's not sustainable or healthy long term . People I work with have commuted further than me for 20 plus years because of how supportive etc it is. However , health, DD etc comes first always.

I don't know why you're so committed to this school who sounds quite difficult actually. Set up an alert on tes and your council website so you don't miss any jobs as they come up. I applied for .5 and was offered up to .8 so don't be shy of pt adverts.

Apparently there are difficulties hiring in social sciences so if you do sociology or psychology as well as hsc def look around.

OP I’m in same thought process- OH works abroad and I work long days in nhs. Locally there’s waiting lists for wraparound. Thought about private but the holidays will be more problematic than the benefits their after school clubs offer. Nanny not practical as my shifts are all over the shop. So I’m working on the basis I’ve got 2years left in the workplace then I’m looking at giving up when school starts

Schools have certain obligations regarding provision of wraparound. Nag them and the council- an 8.30 start is not wraparound.

However, what hours has your dd been in nursery? She will be shattered in reception, you really dont want her in wraparound every day long hours. A childminder is better as less intense. Most people flex a bit and have a mix of part time work, wfh, both parents doing their bit & wraparound.

Is it? I have done that for thirty years and didn’t think it was that unusual.

my local school said there's literally no demand for it.

This is a common and bullshit excuse to dodge obligations around wraparound. Our school said it for years, private provider eventually stepped in and lo and behold ASC is now bloody full.

Keep pushing school, tell other local parents to do same and complain to council. Unfortunately the issue maybe that school are trying but there's a national shortage of childcare staff and asc hours are awful, no one wants them

People shouldn't keep suggesting au pairs.they are near impossible to get post brexit. That ship has sailed.

Write this from your partners perspective as if he were facing this dilemma...

'I have recently started a new job that his three days from the office and 2 days from home - the commute does not allow to me to drop off and pick up on the days I am in the office - am I going to have to give up my career?' what are all of the reasons why he is not considering this?

The pluses of your situation:
You get 12 weeks where you can be with your child. You will be there for every moment of the holidays - this is amazing. Yes, it comes with downside of missing term time activities and parent events at school but your partner can do all of these if he is willing to share the burden.

You love your job
2 days a week you do not have to worry
You already pay nursery 5 days per week, you can use that money to find a solution.
You are in an area of high unemployment - you might find someone who wants a part time job. Morning, evening - maybe someone who is a lunch time supervisor for example. You can pay more per hour as you won't need full time cover.

It may well come down to you finding another job - but do consider the long term implications of you putting your career second to that of your husband. He may earn more - let's face it, the majority of men do - but your lifetime earnings, career satisfaction and long term happiness are of no less value than his in terms of what you bring to your partnership and marriage - even if you are paid less. A step backwards will cost you more than you can see right now, in the longer term.

Look around at work - how many women have taken a step back when they had children compared to men? Look at parents as well as staff.

OP I haven't read the whole thread. But I'm also HOD and after divorce I had a new job with a commute like yours plus two dc.

I put them in school near my new job and they did the commute with me. It meant I could go down to their primary to pick up and drop off in 'normal' wrap around care times. I won't lie, it wasn't easy but I managed it for two years before moving close.

I rang up the council Lea to find which primaries had spaces in their years. It's rural so I was lucky!

I'm a teacher, with similar set up, we lived in the middle of our jobs both 45-60 mins away. Opted for this pre children as even thinking long term we didn't want to live near husbands work which is much harder to change due to the industry he is in.

I had been at my school for 9 years, loved it, really didn't want to leave. I got a job 10 minutes from home which I started when daughter was in school nursery. Best move I made. I now work 4 days a week but have a guaranteed free last lesson one day a week so I can leave.

We don't use breakfast club as husband does mornings and has an element of flexibility so just works a bit later, I'm after school childcare they have 3 days in after school and I pick up twice.

Being 10 mins away is amazing - also work at a fab school where nativitys, sports days etc are valued and I have been allowed to nip out to see them - not so easy if I would have needed 3 hours to do so. It means I don't lose 2 hours a day of time when I can either do stuff with the kids or get on with school work. Ie I work till 5 and I csn still get daughter to Brownies by 530.

Start reflecting on some of the negatives of your school - my final straw was deputy in charge or curriculum refusing to let part timers in core subjects teach gcse. We could see him going on to become Head, current one was planning on retiring.....

OP it’s a scary thought having to reconsider your current job, I gave up my job of over 10 years for similar reasons including long commute and felt like career suicide but it’s been oh so worth it and I’ve not looked back. It took 5 years to build back up again but in that time I had so much more time with my DC and starting somewhere else actually turned out to be the best decision I could ever have made, now far above where I was and works far better for DC and family life as I went into it with that mindset. Primary school is so much heavier on parent involvement during a work day than nursery, it’s not childcare, and unfortunately that is the reality and your current role is a huge compromise for that. I can be there for far more of it whilst still having a career and DC can do afterschool things like gymnastics etc, do you really want to miss out on that and for your DC to miss out too? It’s a harsh thought but their little faces when looking around to see if their parent has come to whatever event it is, it sticks with them if no one comes and these things crop up regularly, every term there’s something or other and some terms there’s loads of it. We both work 4 days and that’s been enough to flex it so that our careers haven’t take a beating and we are involved in their school lives etc

Hi OP, I had a similar problem and sympathise.

We used a private school in the end - guaranteed 7.30am to 6pm (we didn't use the hours all the time and 7.30am still isn't early enough but 8.30 is ridiculous!)

My neighbour (NHS consultant) takes the mick out of the private school but paid a nanny for 3 years....

I do think you should look for a new job because your school's attitude to part-time working and class splitting is also ridiculous and not common any more.

You don't have to jump into a new job right away though. You can cover those 2 days by throwing money at the problem for a while: Sitters, childcare.co.uk etc.

I resigned a job last April without a new one and 4 schools had contacted me within a month. I said 0.8 max, 4 days max and it was only a deal breaker in one case. I also teach a specialist subject.

My DD will go to secondary at my school on priority admission for children of staff. Definitely start a spreadsheet of all local schools that offer this, along with independents with fee remission for staff (this is sometimes reciprocal e.g. a boys' school will have a deal with the local girls' school).

Check Tutor2u for jobs.

At our school there isnt a huge amount of provision for after school (great early breakfast club though). The local private nursery comes each day and collects about a dozen or so kids and takes them back the to nursery (they go on a separate floor to the tots).

Have a look to see if something similar in your area.

Just quitting work altogether isn't going to be the answer long term.

Presumably the husband is doing pick up and drop off on the days he WFH so he's doing his share.

Have a look at nursery's. A local nursery does school drop offs and picks ups which was a life saver. You could drop them off at the nursery from 7am they would take them to school and pick them up give them dinner and you would collect from Nursery by 7pm for Primary aged children, obviously the cost added up and its a horrendously long day if they do the full before and after but needs must.

Another nursery attached to our nearest hospital is open to the public also does the same but I believe also provides over night care to support the hospital workers on shift so there may well be less standard childcare available if you have a really good look.

Also don't rule out different child care options for the morning and evening if that means you find something that works for you. My friends paired up with neighbours who also both worked so the 4 adults took it in turns to start work later and do the morning school run (but I appreciate being in a school you don't have that flexibility), then they used an after school club in the evenings. But needing somewhere that does at least 75minutes either side of your working day is going to be a struggle I fear.

@Moraxella seems to be an issue for lots of people. I feel it'll only get worse as historically people tend to live near family but this trend has changed lots.

@MilkyYay thank you. DD has been in 8-4 on average , 4 days per week. I agree , wraparound all week would be tiring. It would be 3 days max anyway as DP works from home twice per week.

@ChateauMargaux thank you, it's defiitely a tricky decision. I'm loathe to give up a career , I won't stop working as I enjoy it immensely but wondering whether I take a very short term career break while getting another teaching job (if I can't get one for September)

@user1471530109 it's doable definitely. One thing which makes me situ slightly tricker is the county I work has different school holidays to where I live. Annoying!

@Noodledoodledoo thank you for sharing your experience, it makes me feel some hope that this is something I could have . So pleased it worked for you.

@Sotiredmjmmy yep, that's what I want to avoid. Sacrifices will always have to be made if both parents work, but I don't want to compromise on everything just because of the commute.

@Phineyj thank you. You're right, it could be coverable for a while. I've applied for one job already. I know I'm employable, but it's so scary !

@whattodo1975 I won't be quitting altogether. I will be getting a new job eventually,it's more the fear of leaving a secure job

@Singleandproud thank you. I have looked at some local provision in the past few days

@emmathedilemma thank you. I think it's the commute causing the issue !

Mine are now in Year 2 and Year 3 and do a lot of clubs after school which increase as they get older, my commute would have made this even more of a juggle and potentially they wouldn't have been able to.

I had a TLR but I dropped it after first mat leave - refused to do the whole thing on part time pay. I still have no responsibilities but at this point I like it like that I am going for UPS 3 next September and on the whole it works well.

The leap is hard, especially after such long time in one place, I had never had a interview as got my first job on word of mouth!!!