Body positivity and wanting to lose weight

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I can’t square away my desire to lose some weight with my agreement that women’s bodies (especially fat ones) are weaponised by patriarchal media and that it’s quite hard to be a fat woman in society.

I do believe in health at any size, that women’s bodies are not there for the male gaze, that my whole generation (elder millennial…shudder) have got quite disordered ways of looking at our bodies but I still find myself wanting to lose some weight because, after all, I’m quite vain and I do think I would look better 15kg lighter.

BUT it does seem really to be an undercurrent now that my desire to lose weight implies that I hold other people to these standards, that I think there’s something wrong with fat bodies in general, that I think there’s a right and a wrong way to be a woman and take up space etc etc. I don’t! It’s an impossibly high bar I set for myself.

I understand that on top of women’s health not being treated as seriously as men’s there’s an extra layer for fat women who are told that losing weight will solve all their problems - or to come back to GP when they’ve lost a certain amt of weight which is just awful. And I do get that health at every size is possible, but I am left wondering how true this is? Is someone like me with prob 15kg to lose at a much higher risk of various serious conditions or is this ‘systemic fatphobia’ I’ve been reading about? I know BMI is rubbish on an individual level but good for populations.

I suppose my question is, AIBH(ypocritical) to want to personally lose weight (because I’m vain and maybe there are real health reasons) but to support the body positivity movement? Or is the BP movement making excuses for obesity which is a really serious thing and health at every size is balonz?

I do believe in health at any size

This is where you are wrong. Being overweight and underweight are by their very nature unhealthy.

How old are you? Since turning 40 my focus for losing weight has largely moved away from how I look and has become much more about being healthy. I'm hoping to get another 40 years out of this body and I don't believe in 'health at any size'. I think the narrative that very overweight people, particularly young women who have yet to hit menopause, can be perfectly healthy is dangerous bullshit.

This.

OP, body positivity is a load of shite dreamt up on tik tok.

Don't fall for it, lose weight, look and feel better

Your last sentence is absolutely correct. Of course you should take steps to have a healthy weight, better diet and do exercise you enjoy - it will boost your mental and physical well-being more than you can imagine. I’m so puzzled by your post - do you think an army of morbidly obese chub-rub tights insta models are going to be hunting you down if you drop down to a healthy BMI? Anyone who would hold that against you is not worth a moment of your time or headspace.

I’m a large person, and I’m under no illusion that it’s very unhealthy.

‘Health at any size’ is almost as dangerous as body positivity as a concept; both are unhealthy, and focus needs to be on dealing with the obesity crisis rather than trying to normalise it.

I am trying to lose weight as well. I believe that I (and most overweight people) would be healthier if I were thinner. However my target weight at the moment would leave me with a BMI of 27. I feel like that's more achievable, and when I get there I can see how I feel for a bit.

I do also believe that society is fatphobic, that however big someone is they are still valuable as a person, and that health is about more than just weight. So for example if someone was overweight or obese because they loved cake, but they exercised a lot and ate a wide range of vegetables, they may be healthier than some sedentary people of a healthy weight. So I don't think you're a hypocrite.

One thing I did was write down my motivations for losing weight, and highlight those that weren't about what I would look like (not just living longer type thing, but will be able to carry my child upstairs without getting as out of breath, will find it easier to do a pull up - important as I do trapeze).

I'm 50 this year and obese. Finally last year I deafened my mums voice in my head and started going to the gym. I don't go to lose weight, I go for strength and flexibility. I don't weigh myself again ignoring my mums voice in my head. I love the body positivity to a point, hence why I wear funky gym leggings. I want to be 50 and fabulous

So I’m fully expecting the the pile on here but I am going to try to say this as respectfully as possible.

I think the issue that you are having right now is facing all of the rationalizations that you’ve been made to believe and have likely internalized to make being overweight/obese OK.

Personally I don’t really care if someone is overweight/obese. I make the assumption that they are a grownup with agency and at some level has made the choice.

(Or this is a reverse 🔄, in which case, good luck with the rest of the thread)

OP I understand what you are saying. It's a difficult position as an 'older millennial' (I'm late 30s) to have grown up in a world of heroin-chic, and 'nothi.g tastes as good as skinny feels' where nothing in life was as important as being thin but now we live in a world where all shapes and sizes are celebrated and to say otherwise is to bodyshame.

I need to lose 10kg to be my ideal size, and I'm struggling to get my head around the issue at the moment.

I guess you just have to try to do what suits you.

I do also believe that society is fatphobic,

No one's scared of fat people.

I weigh 90kg at 1.75m tall. I had 3 children in 3 years which has taken its toll I suppose. But I don’t know how much the number on the scales matters really - my body shape is fundamentally different to pre-30/pre-children.

Real body positivity is giving your body what it needs - good nutrition, sufficient activity - to get and remain healthy. And for some people that will result in fat loss, which is not a bad thing if you are carrying too much of it on you. I say this as an overweight woman who was previously into the morbidly obese range: life is easier now.

I think there's a middle ground. I feel sad when I read people saying "I'm disgusting" when they are just fat. That sort of self-loathing can do one. But at the same time I feel that health at any size is based on the same sort of "my friend has a BMI of 40 and runs marathons" anecdotes as "my grandad smoked a pack a day and lived to be 95" or "my friend got pregnant naturally at 45 after one shag so don't worry". Plus there is also the fact that pp mentioned that there are a lot of contributing factors to health so yes, a teetotal fatter person with a great diet and who exercises might be healthier than a thin, chain smoking, couch potato, alcoholic but that's not really a good argument IMO, other than rightly pointing out that those behaviours dont attract the same stigma as fatness. The evidence suggests that excess fat is a contributing factor in a lot of NC diseases and while I think there is fatism in the medical system, I don't believe that it accounts for much of that differential.

I don't think politicising fatness or thinness is helpful. If I told the doctor I drank 5 bottles of wine a week she'd say "yeah well you need to cut down or you risk getting xy&z". I wouldn't start banging on about "health at any level of alcoholism"

Health at every size is bollocks and the movement is toxic. Lose weight for your health and to liberate yourself from living in a body that doesn't serve you as well as it could. Don't listen to health at every size nonsense.
soncerely, a fat older millennial x

I think the BP movement is right to challenge the assumption that thinness and health go together. But that’s different from health being equal at any weight. It seems there’s some fairly strong evidence that mortality is actually lowest at the high end of ‘healthy’ BMI or the low end of ‘overweight’ BMI. And indeed that the low end of ‘healthy’ could be worse for mortality than the high end of overweight.

www.thelancet.com/journals/landia/article/PIIS2213-8587%2818%2930288-2/fulltext

Health at any size is nonsense, and I say that as someone who is overweight.

You can definitely be someone with a large bone structure and healthy, you can be someone who is a bit chubby and healthy but its a dangerous lie to say anyone can be overweight (vs just some extra rolls etc) and healthy.

A fat body has to work much harder to function as it should - that is just a fact

That is however no excuse for the fat shaming that happens to people and does not mean that fat people should not be allowed to love themselves and feel beautiful.

I think the body positivity movement is probably going to be responsible for a lot of premature deaths and lives blighted by ill health.

Thinking you are in great shape does not mean you are.

I wonder when all these women hit the menopause how they will feel then.

I get the impression from younger women I know that they think your periods stop and if you get hot flushes then you get HRT.
But I don’t think they realise what a hot flush is or all the different things it affects like thinking, as someone said, well I can always lose weight if it affects me badly.

No you can’t short of going on a starvation diet.
I have lost 4 stone over the past year because of medication helping my diet along but for the amount I eat I should have probably lost 8stone

No one can tell how she and the menopause will affect you but it will affect you.

Utter bollocks to think you can be healthy at any size.

The NHS would be in a far far better situation if we all looked after ourselves properly. Not skinny. Just not fat.

I spent age 15-30 being 6 stone overweight. I lost it all and it revolutionised my health.

Health at any size is nonsense and I agree that the BP movement is mostly nonsense. Losing weight has nothing to do with the male gaze. It has everything to do with health and it becomes harder the older you get.

I am the same height as you and weighed 90kg a couple of years ago (and I don't even have the excuse of children). I am 15kg lighter now and a healthy BMI and I feel much better. Obviously I look better too, but that's really beside the point. Shit doesn't ache anymore, I'm fit and healthy, and have hugely decreased the risk of all manner of horrible conditions.

You simply can't be healthy at any size. Not really.

Or is the BP movement making excuses for obesity which is a really serious thing and health at every size is balonz?

Yes it is.
Being comfortable with the changes in your body post children = body positivity
Body positive movement that celebrates obesity and uses the patriarchy as an excuse to ignore the real health issues associated with being overweight = ignorant

Not saying you specifically are ignorant OP - just people that use word salad to ignore experts.

I don't like the body positivity movement. I am happier, healthier, more able, when I'm slimmer. I'm a similar size to you OP and want to lose weight for many reasons, health and looks are the top 2 it has to be said. I'm not healthy at this size, I'm unfit and feel big and awkward. I hate the way I look abd feel.

I’m all for body positivity, taking that to be the idea that the worth of a human is not measured by how closely their body matches some physical ideal. I don’t see any hypocrisy or inconsistency in supporting that position while also wanting to be healthy and thinking it’s a good idea for other people to want to be healthy too 🤷‍♀️