Body positivity and wanting to lose weight

[constituaint]

I can’t square away my desire to lose some weight with my agreement that women’s bodies (especially fat ones) are weaponised by patriarchal media and that it’s quite hard to be a fat woman in society.

I do believe in health at any size, that women’s bodies are not there for the male gaze, that my whole generation (elder millennial…shudder) have got quite disordered ways of looking at our bodies but I still find myself wanting to lose some weight because, after all, I’m quite vain and I do think I would look better 15kg lighter.

BUT it does seem really to be an undercurrent now that my desire to lose weight implies that I hold other people to these standards, that I think there’s something wrong with fat bodies in general, that I think there’s a right and a wrong way to be a woman and take up space etc etc. I don’t! It’s an impossibly high bar I set for myself.

I understand that on top of women’s health not being treated as seriously as men’s there’s an extra layer for fat women who are told that losing weight will solve all their problems - or to come back to GP when they’ve lost a certain amt of weight which is just awful. And I do get that health at every size is possible, but I am left wondering how true this is? Is someone like me with prob 15kg to lose at a much higher risk of various serious conditions or is this ‘systemic fatphobia’ I’ve been reading about? I know BMI is rubbish on an individual level but good for populations.

I suppose my question is, AIBH(ypocritical) to want to personally lose weight (because I’m vain and maybe there are real health reasons) but to support the body positivity movement? Or is the BP movement making excuses for obesity which is a really serious thing and health at every size is balonz?

I still can’t equate “love the skin you’re in” with my wanting to lose weight for vanity.

So do it for optimum health, not vanity.

OP you are massively overthinking this.

Your personal weight is not a bellweather or representation of the political landscape around fat and women.

If you want to wear different clothes, feel fit, look as you wish to? Then lose weight. You’re not conforming if you do (most British women are overweight in some way) and you’re not holding up an undesirably thin beauty standard.

It’s absurd that we have got to a stage where desiring to achieving a healthy human body is being wavered over and debated by a person, because the body positive lot will claim that person doesn’t “love themselves as they are”.

Fuck me. It’s brainwashing. It’s dangerous, it’s weird.

Being fit, being healthy, being active is GREAT. We need to just embrace this again instead of this Instagram emotional bullshit.

As you can probably tell I feel very conflicted. I still can’t equate “love the skin you’re in” with my wanting to lose weight for vanity.

I used to be fixated on 'thin=beautiful ". Now I focus on fitness and strength. I eat what I want, people look at me and can think "you're fat and unhealthy ". In reality I bench press 50kg and do 2 cycle classes a week (on top of 3 strength sessions and 2 cardio classes).

BMI and size are nothing.

You have just taken the words out of my mouth. So tired of emo bullshit. Also there is plenty of middle ground between heroin chic skinniness and obesity. Yet these are apparently the only two options on MN.

OP, you could come to terms with possibly not having the body you had before childbirth- most women don't. But there is no need to embrace fatness either. I don't know why you keep bringing up vanity. That extra weight will impact your health.

Maybe you need to accept that "love the skin you're in" isn't really your motto. Maybe it's "be the best version of yourself".

There's nothing wrong with doing things for vanity or taking pride in your appearance. Guarantee if you lose that 15kg you want to lose you'll love the skin you're in even more. Just do what makes you happy, no need to over think it.

I'm not so sure that this perpetual body positivity is a good message when people are extremely overweight. It is not healthy to be overweight and although it's not for anybody else to comment I do wonder if this trend for overweight bodies to be celebrated will have an equally damaging affect as the magazines that perpetuates the skinny look. A distorted body image is a distorted body image regardless of whether it is over or under weight.
I say this as someone who is carrying a little extra padding at the moment.

I'd stop thinking about it and just do what you want to do (in this case, trying to lose weight for both health and vanity and any other reason you may have).

We're all judged for something, even if we're slim and conform to society's current standards of beauty. People who are overweight are at increased risk of certain health problems. That's true. Also true: Some people who are overweight will live a longer, healthier life than some other people who have always been slim. Doesn't change the fact that it's generally healthier not to carry around too much extra fat.

I need to lose some weight. I need to eat a healthier diet and exercise more regularly. No amount of people telling me I'm perfect just as I am will change the fact that I'd have better chances at a longer, healthier life if I lost that weight and made those lifestyle changes. I'm only hurting myself if I buy into a lie.

OP you are a couple of kg away from being morbidly obese.
I don't think any health professional in the world could tell you anything positive (physical health wise) about that.
Of course loving and accepting yourself and being happy is very important, but statistically you will have more years of being happy and loving yourself if you lost some weight.

People don’t make positive choices from a mental position of ‘I’m an ugly, unhealthy, terrible, greedy person’. They make terrible disordered eating choices from that position.

If stigmatising and shaming fat people worked we’d have no fat people left because I promise you, every fat person has been stigmatised and shamed on a regular basis. If diets worked we’d have not fat people left because every fat person has been on multiple diets throughout their lives. The diet industry is making multiple billions out of provably useless products - it’s absolute snake oil.

if we’re talking about protecting people’s health why not invest in research that helps us to understand how to lose weight in a way that is mentally and physically healthy?

in the meantime, OP, I think those of us who want to be healthy but don’t want to start from a position of shame or stigma (for ourselves or others) have to find our own way of making healthy choices from a position of kindness, self-worth, health and strength and bugger all help from the health system. And all power to the PPs who have done this.

Sorry but are you a bit dim? Do you honestly believe that stigma and therefore shaming will make the bad obesity go away and save the NHS.

🤪

For me personally even if my bmi hits 27 I run into all kinds of problems elevated/high bp dodgy joints back ache! So I’ve got no choice in the matter really! My body cannot cope with excess weight! And I think if truth be told neither can many others!

I lost 4.5 stone last year and went from a size 16-18 to size 10. It wasn’t about looks for me (although I had zero confidence when I was bigger so suppose it was partially this) but mostly about being fit and healthy. I was so unfit I tried running the 2.5km junior park run with DC this time last year and I couldn’t run for more than one minute, my chest felt like it was going to explode and I was certain I was having a heart attack. I run 30km minimum a week now. That’s what it has mostly been about for me, making sure I’m fit and healthy so I can be around for my kids.

Just flip the whole thing on its head. You’re not losing weight to fit in with anyone, you’re doing it because it’s not healthy to be fat.

🥰spot on!

Also - is there anything actually wrong with being vain? It’s not so awful. Presumably you brush your hair and things? Thinking ‘I think I’d look nicer and clothes would fit me better if I wasn’t obese’ isn’t some sort of dig at fat people. It’s your personal feelings. I just can’t believe worrying about being fat phobic would really be a barrier when you want to lose weight.

See to me that's fitness not weight which is what I see as health at any size
Of course you might lose some weight running
I exercise a fair amount and I'm still a size 16 but I push and push myself to get fitter and fitter and any weight loss is a sort of bonus
Don't know if I've phrased that well (covid brain fog) but I set out to get fitter not slimmer

I was overweight with a BMI just on the cusp of obese. I was active, could easily walk for miles, went to the gym several times a week (spin, body combat, etc.) and ate hearty amounts of food, both whole and ultra processed foods. I genuinely thought I was really fit but just holding a bit extra. I did more exercise than those around me and I was used to seeing bigger bodies.

About four years ago (I’m 36 now), I decided to eat better (not less). I started cooking everything from scratch and stopped eating ultra processed food and drink (although didn’t know it was called UPF until recently). I instantly had more energy and gradually started exercising differently. I went hard on cardio, running and cycling for miles and loving it for the first time in my life. I naturally started eating differently, craving water and good quality food in smaller amounts. I perform better when I’ve had oats and a banana instead of a slab of hot buttered sourdough for breakfast, so that’s that I go for.

Unsurprisingly, the weight has fallen off. I’m now lean and muscular and I feel incredibly different to how I felt before. The lighter I get, the easier it is to cycle and run. Pull ups, press ups and burpees have gone from tortuous to fun. I sleep brilliantly, wake up early, bounce off the walls, am so much more productive in all areas of my life and am up for anything. I rarely get ill anymore, despite being a primary teacher and subjected to all the germs. My periods have become lighter and not at all painful, when before, they were horrendous (is there research into this?).

The point of this long winded soliloquy is that my health and fitness seemed fine when I was overweight, but it is in a completely league different now I’m slimmer. I just wouldn’t have known that could be possible to feel this great before as I had nothing to compare it to. Ensuring that bodies of all size are treated with dignity and respect and all receive good health care is important; but we also need to acknowledge that too much weight is detrimental to health.

@Rebel2023
See to me that's fitness not weight which is what I see as health at any size

the reality is…. If someone is obese, their “fitness” is going to be… fit in relation to someone also obese.

ie not “fit” at all. But rather than do nothing or very little they do more than that

burpees have gone from tortuous to fun.

Now I know you are lying. Burpees are never 'fun'. 😉

If diets worked we’d have not fat people left because every fat person has been on multiple diets throughout their lives. The diet industry is making multiple billions out of provably useless products - it’s absolute snake oil.

Well there are a myriad of diets out there and I agree most are faddy bollocks insofar as promising quick fixes in minimal time with minimal effort. Rinse and repeat. People are of course going to be drawn to such simple weight loss solutions, be it diet pills, or 'just 10 mins a day from the comfort of home' exercise programmes. Losing weight is bloody hard and to me diet and exercise is a permanent life change and not some nonsense 'beach body in just 8 weeks' crash diet before returning to previous habits. Diets do work but crucially they need to be realistically prescribed to the specific individual and their needs rather then a generic catch all 'plan' found in some glossy magazine. Someone whose maintenance weight calorie intake is 3000 a day is unlikely to last long on some overnight reduction to 1200 calories a day diet.

If you think of 'diet' as simply what you eat, then making appropriate modifications is going to lead to weight loss for the vast majority of people. So in that sense, obviously they 'work'.
Even fad diets will work (if work is defined as weight reduction) if they cause a calorie deficit. The people who are genuine exceptions to this are very few.
The reasons diets don't result in weight loss and maintenance of the new weight for most people are:
People don't follow the diet properly so it never works.
People revert to their previous habits at the 'end' of the diet so it stops working.
People overestimate the amount of calories their body needs.
Restricted eating in any form is very difficult and requires self sacrifice, investment of time and money, and the headspace to prioritise it over all the other immediate concerns in our lives.
Add to this conflicting messages coming at us from all quarters (carbs are great/carbs make you fat. Fat is good for you/fat makes you fat etc) then there's no surprise that people (women) spend their lives losing and gaining weight, pinballing between one 'fix' and another and eventually concluding diets don't work.
A 'diet' of healthy foods in appropriate portion sizes giving the necessary calories for the individual will for almost everyone enable weight management. Thats just how bodies work.