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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has pulled out of holiday the day before we are due to fly out

464 replies

OkIy · 11/01/2023 14:50

Hi,

I have had a ski holiday booked with my friend for the last six weeks. She is a bit flaky but I’ve never been in this position with her. I thought she was being unusually vague about the details and my suspicions have been confirmed today.

She has just texted me saying she doesn’t think she can’t come as she has pulled a muscle during yoga earlier this week and it’s too painful. I was with her last night and there didn’t seem anything wrong with her. I think she is either making this up or is really exaggerating (she can be a bit of a hypochondriac sometimes).

I thought she had been dropping hints she might not be able to come but I triple checked before the cut off for no refunds came. She told me to go ahead.

I have paid for everything and it’s nonrefundable (we have done this multiple times in the past with no issues so I wasn’t being overly naive). I haven’t discussed this aspect with her yet as I am too upset. We are meant to fly out tomorrow.

I am not sure what to do. My birthday is on Friday as well. It wasn’t originally envisioned as a birthday weekend just a cheapish off peak break :(

OP posts:
Eleganz · 11/01/2023 17:42

Doubt you'll see the money, hopefully your will learn not to pay for flakey friends so they can let you down at the last minute.

EmmaDilemma5 · 11/01/2023 17:46

I HAD a friend like this. She's no longer a close friend, I just can't deal with the constant excuses why she can no longer do things. Quite frankly, she's not worth the upset.

Absolutely get your money back. And do go yourself even if you spend it reading and drinking Baileys by the fire.

I would definitely re-evaluate the friendship. She must realise how it will be making you feel, and if she was ok to meet yesterday with no mention of muscle pain, then I can't see why she suddenly can't come. I'd let her know this is a make or break situation for your friendship.

SchrodingersKettle · 11/01/2023 17:47

That is such a shame! Call her and say you would love her to come even if she cannot ski as much as expected. Tell her to send you the money today. Lay it on thick about it being your birthday

LongLostTeacher · 11/01/2023 17:49

She still needs to pay half. She is a terrible friend if she lets you down in terms of time and enjoyment and shafts you for money too.

I would be offering to other friends at a reduced cost, e.g. her half costs £1000, offer someone else to come for £500 and “friend” then only has to stump up £500.

Applesandcarrots · 11/01/2023 17:51

I think some posters are bit harsh on the friend. Agree with pps.
Decade and half they've been doing this and been friends. This is not some "always flaky as fuck, not your friend" situation.

It's shit, but I would also be inclined to think something is going on rather than just friend beings shit

Applesandcarrots · 11/01/2023 17:52

That said, she still needs to cover her half

WonderingWanda · 11/01/2023 17:53

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 11/01/2023 14:53

Perhaps I’d message and say, “sorry you’re in pain. It’s too late to cancel the holiday, you’ll still have to pay your share. On that basis, why don’t you come anyway, even if you don’t ski? Take painkillers and see if you can book a massage over there? It might help”.

Absolutely send this and remind her that if she doesn't come she is ruining your trip and birthday as well as it's too short notice to find a replacement for her.

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 11/01/2023 17:54

OkIy · 11/01/2023 15:05

Thanks everyone for the support.

I do have travel insurance. Maybe this would be covered but I guess she would need to go and get a doctors note first. But, isn’t my insurance only for me? I believe she has insurance with her banking. I’ve no idea if we would be covered for this.

What has she said about paying her share given the refund cutoff is past?

Happygone · 11/01/2023 17:55

I hope she pays

OwwwMuuuum · 11/01/2023 17:56

If I’d been happily holidaying with a friend for 15 years and they suddenly pulled out the day before a trip with a shit excuse, I’d wonder why. There has to be more to this from her side.

I get that the money is a worry and her excuse is very shonky, but for me that’s a reason to be concerned for her, rather than jump to an angry conclusion, after 15 years of happy holidays you should at least give the benefit of the doubt.

Soothsayer1 · 11/01/2023 17:57

laugh it off, take someone else, then do it back to her next time?

wowwhydoesmybackhurtwaaah · 11/01/2023 18:01

EmmaDilemma5 · 11/01/2023 17:46

I HAD a friend like this. She's no longer a close friend, I just can't deal with the constant excuses why she can no longer do things. Quite frankly, she's not worth the upset.

Absolutely get your money back. And do go yourself even if you spend it reading and drinking Baileys by the fire.

I would definitely re-evaluate the friendship. She must realise how it will be making you feel, and if she was ok to meet yesterday with no mention of muscle pain, then I can't see why she suddenly can't come. I'd let her know this is a make or break situation for your friendship.

That's your friend. OP has said nothing to indicate that her friend is anything like that at all. 15 years of holidays, all fine, and this is the first time.

You've over identified here.

OP, why not just call her and see if something is going on with her, instead of inviting the vipers of AIBU to shit all over her?

DrManhattan · 11/01/2023 18:03

Update please Op

SleepingStandingUp · 11/01/2023 18:08

I'd be relying along the lines of "understand if you don't want to ski, but assume you're still actually coming away? Also, to confirm the total is £1000 for your half.

Hellno44 · 11/01/2023 18:11

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 11/01/2023 14:53

Perhaps I’d message and say, “sorry you’re in pain. It’s too late to cancel the holiday, you’ll still have to pay your share. On that basis, why don’t you come anyway, even if you don’t ski? Take painkillers and see if you can book a massage over there? It might help”.

Do this

PatientlyWaiting21 · 11/01/2023 18:11

You should absolutely still go, you’ve paid for it, make sure she pays her part!

HaroldTheStallion · 11/01/2023 18:16

Go on your own. On the off chance youre going to Soldeu, my friend and I arrive there on Sunday and can meet up with you. Otherwise find a Facebook group for the area you're going to and post about what's happened and that you're looking for other solo skiers or groups to meet up with.
Your friend definitely needs to pay her half whether she's going or not.

Westpoint · 11/01/2023 18:18

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 11/01/2023 14:53

Perhaps I’d message and say, “sorry you’re in pain. It’s too late to cancel the holiday, you’ll still have to pay your share. On that basis, why don’t you come anyway, even if you don’t ski? Take painkillers and see if you can book a massage over there? It might help”.

Absolutely this!!

Coffeepot72 · 11/01/2023 18:19

OP, have you contacted her yet?

Taillighttoobright · 11/01/2023 18:26

She could still go. I think you’re right and she’s had this planned. Dodgy non-friend?

wowwhydoesmybackhurtwaaah · 11/01/2023 18:28

Taillighttoobright · 11/01/2023 18:26

She could still go. I think you’re right and she’s had this planned. Dodgy non-friend?

Why are so many of you so paranoid, and so....mean?

It's so unlikely that the friend is plotting on purpose in that way. What's wrong with those of you that jump straight to such malicious explanations?

arcencielpoisson · 11/01/2023 18:28

That's rubbish. She can absolutely still go.

Supergirl1958 · 11/01/2023 18:31

Reply asking for her to pay for her share of the holiday as it was your treat and at such short notice you are unable to ask anyone else (and change the name on the ticket at cost) and it’s a lot of money to waste on accommodation and flights and use of ski facilities (my apologies i don’t really know what skiing holidays entail but I gather that’s most of it!) and see what she says.

BliainNua · 11/01/2023 18:33

I really hope she doesn't stiff you for her share of the money, if she doesn't go.
Don't be afraid to go on your own, I'm sure you'll meet some nice ski- minded people. Enjoy!!

Scotty12 · 11/01/2023 18:33

What a horrible thing to do. Is she a good skier? Be clear that she still has to pay. And also it basically ruins your holiday if it was just you two going. She can still go but not ski / not ski quite so much. There must be more to it … ie some more significant underlying reason. Be good to get to the bottom of it.