To not want to remove stair gate for 5 and 3 year old?

[isitmyanxiety]

Are my husband and I being unreasonable for not wanting to remove the stair gate at the top of the stairs with a 5 and 3 year old?

Their bedrooms open onto a landing and directly in front of 5 yr door is the top of the stairs, and beside that door is 3 yr olds door. They have to walk past the top of the stairs to get to our room.

It's only the nighttime I'm worried about. If they are half asleep and somehow fall down the stairs.

The stair gate is a real pain and we both want it gone but neither of us can make the decision. We're both too paranoid.

Is this normal to feel this way? Do people just remove them? I think the majority of people I know get rid of them earlier than us.

It feels like we are being over cautious and weird but also what if they fall down the stairs in the night. Why are these decisions so hard!

Should of added, if you can remember, when did you get rid of stair gates in your home?

You have a three year old. Leave the stair gate where it is.

We had a door at the bottom of stairs not the top, we never put I gate at the top so idea when ideal to remove it

YANBU to remove them.

Do your children regularly stumble out their rooms at night?

We always taught our kids safe use of the stairs. DD was 2.5 when we removed the stair gates, and DS was much younger, but he was showing interest in climbing over them and I felt it would be MUCH safe to let him learn to use the stairs properly than to risk him attempting to climb over and falling.

Keep it as long as you want. It's your house. Risk benefit analysis - zero risk to keeping it, small risking to taking it away.

I only removed mine when my 6yo realised she could open it!

It's also quite handy for times when they kick off at bedtime and try to come downstairs again...

It's not safe to have one at the top of the stairs. We had them on the children's bedroom doors until they were 3 never at the top of the stairs.

Don't worry about it. It's your house, remove them when you feel comfortable and can sleep well at night without worrying.

Remove from the top of the stairs! They shouldn’t really be there anyway as they are a trip or falling hazard if dc climb them. If you feel you need a gate still then put on the bedroom door instead.

We got rid of them ages ago - mine are 6 and 3. But whatever makes you feel comfortable. We kept a baby monitor for much longer than most because the house has funny acoustics and you can't hear the children easily.

I’m sure you’re fine to remove it. If you’re really concerned, can you put a nightlight on the landing or hall so it isn’t pitch black?

I was about to make the same statement as @EndlessRain1
Have they shown any interest in trying to climb it? DSS had a staircase on his room when he was 2 due to layout of upstairs landing. He managed to jump over it and arrived in our room one morning. If it had been on the actual stairs he could have gone over and seriously injured himself.
DS figured out how to climb out of his pretty deep cot bed before he was even 2. We removed staircases around then and focused on stair safety.

Kids 3&6, we still have the top of stairs gate. It's wall mounted, so not a trip hazard, and only ever closed at night. Both kids leave their rooms pretty much every night (oldest to use the loo, youngest to get in with me), so it feels safer. All the push fit gates are long gone though, those are a pain to live with.

In our old house we had a big flight of stairs that was at the end of a long landing that DD would charge along. As such we kept up the stairgate at the top for far longer than most people, until she was about 8 IIRC. Do what you feel comfortable with, there's nothing wrong with making your home safe.

I'd install a motion-activated small light, maybe led strip light along the skirting board. Then at night that would come on if they get up. After a while you should be able to remove the stairgate.

I worried it was a fire risk so we never put one in

Honestly, I think it’s really dangerous that you’re keeping it. They could decide to climb it on a whim and that’s a hell of a lot more dangerous than just walking down the stairs. Put a dim light on in the hallway. We have a stairgate on 2YO DS’s bedroom door. My 5YO has launched herself over it so thank god it’s not on the stairs! It’ll go when DS is around 3 and we’re confident he can go up/down the stairs on his own safely.

I think only you know your kids and your home, so only really you can judge what is safe.

My DD1 had a gate on her door for ages. DD2 never had a gate as she is a born climber and very tall for her age. She knocked the gate down within hours of us putting it in.

We put a nightligh in our hall way so any nighttime ramblings are at least lit.

I wouldn’t agonise over it, there’s no rush by the sound of it so if it doesn’t feel right to remove it yet just don’t. We moved when the youngest was 2 and a half and didn’t bother reinstalling them at the new house, the set up sounded similar to yours but she had no desire to go downstairs in the middle of the night and was steady on her feet. Leaving them a while longer does no harm though.

Ours was removed when DS was old enough to climb it (about 15-16mo) because it became more dangerous that he was trying to climb over - he knew how to safely go up and down the stairs but would've been in danger trying to climb over the stair gate.

I still have one on the stairs, my youngest is 7! Our bathroom is at the top of the stairs and dd7 is often very disoriented if she gets up in the night to use the toilet. I feel safer having it there.

It's actually considered unsafe and not recommended to have stairgates at the top of the stairs. There's a risk they could be left open, or if they're pressure-fit they could come away, malfunction, or pose a tripping hazard. We learnt this the hard way as DD, 3 at the time, leaned on the stairgate one morning, it opened and she went tumbling down! Thank god she was fine but it was bloody terrifying.

We took the gate down that day. Instead now there is a gate in the doorway of DDs room and the living room, which is what is actually recommended over putting them at the top of the stairs. Tbh the only reason we still have them up is because we also have a baby DS who will be crawling soon. Otherwise we would have taken them down as DD can use the stairs well.

There's also the risk that kids could try and climb them or learn to open them, which is obviously a lot more dangerous at the top of the stairs than in a doorway.

They’re dangerous at the top of the stairs there shouldn’t be one there and definitely not needed at 3 & 5, that being said we never had stair gates at all.

We didn’t have stair gates with any of our dc! I don’t even feel negligent 😂
Just do what you think it a right for your family, no one else is affected.

We never had one...