To not want to remove stair gate for 5 and 3 year old?

[isitmyanxiety]

Are my husband and I being unreasonable for not wanting to remove the stair gate at the top of the stairs with a 5 and 3 year old?

Their bedrooms open onto a landing and directly in front of 5 yr door is the top of the stairs, and beside that door is 3 yr olds door. They have to walk past the top of the stairs to get to our room.

It's only the nighttime I'm worried about. If they are half asleep and somehow fall down the stairs.

The stair gate is a real pain and we both want it gone but neither of us can make the decision. We're both too paranoid.

Is this normal to feel this way? Do people just remove them? I think the majority of people I know get rid of them earlier than us.

It feels like we are being over cautious and weird but also what if they fall down the stairs in the night. Why are these decisions so hard!

I had the same worry but got a plug in nightlight for the hallway which senses the dark and comes on automatically at night so if DD comes out of her room she isn’t in the dark and therefore less likely to fall. We haven’t had any issues. Much easier not having a gate!

I removed mine when the youngest had started school as that was when I felt they were ready to manage the stairs with no issues day or night.

I think it depends on your stairs - is it a full flight of non carpeted onto a hard floor? Or is it more modern with a return or something?

FWIW we never used one - we taught our kids to crawl up and slide down or come down on their bottom. They’ve made it safely to KS2 age!

Our stairs couldn't accommodate gates, 2.5 and newborn. We just made sure we taught them how to navigate the stairs safely, I think I am the only one ever to fall down them.

7 & 5 here and we have only just take the one off the stairs.

My kids are the same age, we have one on the hallway around the corner from the stairs. Ours will stay for a while as my youngest sleep walks. The layout of our house means the kids can get to the bathroom and our bedroom from theirs but not to the stairs or guest room.

I didnt have a stairgate for second DC at all.

There was a door to the hall with stairs, i kept it closed. By the time she was old enough to reach the door handle (nearly 3) i trusted her on the stairs.

Bedroom doors are closed at night. Neither of mine have ever gone near the stairs half asleep at night. They've never opened their doors unless wide awake.

We still have one on our 4 year olds bedroom door. If it's working why change it?

I think that’s totally fine! I’ve got a 3 year old and wouldn’t be considering removing it any time soon for him. I too worry about him falling down the stairs, particularly at night. We’ve got another baby on the way so it’ll be there for many years yet

We still have ours for exactly the reasons you mention, DS’s bedroom is right at the top of a hard wooden staircase. It’s wall mounted and a sort of concertina type thing that can’t be climbed on, DS can actually open it no problem when he’s awake anyway. It’s just there to break his fall if he stumbles on his way to the bathroom in the night. He’s 6. Might get rid of it this year.

Thanks for all the replies and info. Both mine are fine to go up and down stairs and both can open the stair gate. It's only there at the top of the stairs, as others have said the same, to stop someone stumbling down the stairs in the night. That's my only fear.
However, as someone else said as well, they will now stand on the stairs and mess with the gate opening and closing it which I think might be more dangerous (and drives us mad) and also it is one with the bottom rail so for sure a bit of a trip hazard at first but we are all used to it now.

I'm still undecided 😩 I suppose the likelihood of them tripping down the stairs is hopefully small. Will look at getting a nightlight for the hall.

To answer another question, the 3 year old still wakes through the night, usually calls for us to go to them. The 5 year old, I can't remember him ever getting out of bed for the toilet in the night but you just never know!

We still have one (a wall mounted one) for our just turned 4 year old. It's for the same reason - she has to walk across the top of the stairs to get to our rooms. She's never shown any interest in climbing it and it's there purely for the late night stumble. I do keep thinking we'll have to take it off at some point I just haven't worked out when that point is yet!!

You're both in agreement, why does it matter if other people think it's weird?

If I noticed that a parent of a 3yo still had stairgates up, I wouldn't think anything of it. Perhaps the parents haven't decided yet whether to have a third baby. Perhaps the children wake up and go for a wee in the night but they are wobbly. Maybe they sleep walk. Maybe it's a useful barrier in terms of boundaries at bedtime.

Thinking about it I had one on the top of the stairs for DS1 until we moved when he was nearly 5. It was a very narrow hallway (Victorian) and his bedroom opened directly onto the stairs, there was no extra space, no upstairs bathroom.

In addition, the bar at the bottom of most gates poses a trip hazard for anyone who is opening the gate and walking through, especially if they’re carrying something (baby, laundry, etc.).

Mine started shimmying over the stair gates at about 18 months/2 years so we had to remove them for their safety.

It's entirely up to you but concerning your question we never had one, thinking it safer to teach the children to negotiate the stairs safely.
Also interestingly people registering to be childminders are no longer required to have stair gates as long as they can demonstrate they have done a sensible risk assessment and have clear safety strategies in place.
In any case once a child is old enough to climb over the gate they are more dangerous than not having one.

We had ours up until my stepson was 7 for this reason - his room opened out immediately to the top of the stairs and he did have a tendency to wander half asleep to the loo, and the stairs are really steep in my house so I was terrified he would misstep in the night one day and go tumbling down.

We never had it closed in the day and he could open it fine but it helped us to sleep at night, and neither he or my younger daughter ever attempt to climb it (mostly likely as it was always open during waking hours).

Do what feels right in your house for your children.

We never removed ours from the top of the stairs and when we moved they were 10&12. We didn’t always close it at that stage but also looked on it as a security/deterrent.

3&5 leave it where it is for another few years!

Do whatever feels right for your house and your children. I never had any for DC2 as it was awkward getting one that fitted our stairs and then we moved and we had no need as he was fine and steady and then for DC3 I found I kept falling over it so got rid when she was about one and a half as it was more of a hazard

Our bathrooms are on the half landing which probably influenced us not having one for ds2 as he wouldn't independently be able to go to the loo at night.
For reference the only person who has ever fallen down our stairs was me and I've done it 3 times 🙄

DS is 3.5 - we took the stairgate off his room ages ago, but we still have them on the main stairs for the dogs. DS can open them at this point anyway.

We still had ours when we moved out of our house (DS was 3). I’m glad we moved into a bungalow which got rid of the need to have to actually decide when to remove it, we’d have been like you and not known when to do it!

I keep mine and my children are 14 and 11. Why would you remove it? What if they sleepwalked at night (they haven't to my knowledge but I may just have been asleep) or just be a bit drowsy, and whoops, they've fallen... broken their necks and paralysed for life. Is that a risk you want to take? You can never be too careful!

Really, they should be in a gated bed at that age in case they get out at night and injure themselves with a responsible adult not being present. It's neglectful not to. They'll call if they want to toilet.