To not want to remove stair gate for 5 and 3 year old?

[isitmyanxiety]

Are my husband and I being unreasonable for not wanting to remove the stair gate at the top of the stairs with a 5 and 3 year old?

Their bedrooms open onto a landing and directly in front of 5 yr door is the top of the stairs, and beside that door is 3 yr olds door. They have to walk past the top of the stairs to get to our room.

It's only the nighttime I'm worried about. If they are half asleep and somehow fall down the stairs.

The stair gate is a real pain and we both want it gone but neither of us can make the decision. We're both too paranoid.

Is this normal to feel this way? Do people just remove them? I think the majority of people I know get rid of them earlier than us.

It feels like we are being over cautious and weird but also what if they fall down the stairs in the night. Why are these decisions so hard!

Not trying to start a bun fight but why are they dangerous at the top of stairs, as a number of posters have said? We had one at the bottom (to stop DD climbing up unaccompanied) and one at the top (to stop her toppling down). Got rid when she was about three and a half when we were confident she could tackle the stairs safely in either direction.

Is the concern that they would try to climb over it and fall down the stairs? Seems unlikely but maybe that’s because mine is not a climber - appreciate some little monkeys might like the challenge!

I’ve got the same age children and we will keep a stair gate for the forseeble as I worry about that when they’re half asleep during the night going to the bathroom or coming to our room. Maybe when my youngest is 5 I’d think of it

We also had them on the bedroom door not the stairs. We have very steep stairs and if they had come to us in the night in the dark they could easily have fallen down. I actually kept the gates on their rooms until they started school but by that point it was more to contain chaos than fear over the stairs.

We still have one downstairs but that is for the dog and alarm zoning. I hate the bloody thing.

We only had one on the kitchen door, but never on the stairs. I was always told they are really dangerous for the top of the stairs.

We took ours off when DS was about 2.5 and figured out how to open them. He became obsessed with the one at the top of the stairs and kept trying to open and shut it when he was standing on the stairs, so it was time for it to go!

DD is now crawling and so it will need to go back on soon, but I think we'll just have one at the bottom of the stairs. We also have one on her bedroom door and one on the kitchen door.

DS is 3 now and merrily comes into our room every morning. The stairs are right outside his bedroom door too but he's never tried to go down without coming into our room first (at the crack of dawn).

Only you know your children but DS actually became less of an idiot when the stairgate went.

Never owned one. And what about the safety hazard of trying to climb over it? and at the TOP of the stairs? I would do away with it.

We got rid of ours at 18mths for our eldest and we didn't have one for our youngest
Our eldest would climb over and go headfirst over the top so it was inherently more dangerous than not having one.
We have lots of stairs (Victorian house with weird half landings) but we concentrated on getting the kids safe and confident on the stairs from early on because then I was happier about them being not only in our house but friends and relatives who didn't have stair gates.

Same here. He would climb on top at 18 months and drop. Safer without

We had one on the bedroom door rather than top of the stairs, but DS's went when he learnt how to open it at 3.5ish (handy as could then just move to DD's door rather than get a new one), DD didn't even make it to 3 until we removed it as she's a climber.
We did put a night light in the landing though.

We also had them on bedroom doors, however they were all removed when it became apparent my youngest could open them! A year between 2 youngest and he’d come out of his room and let his brother out and come and find me so pointless.

the hall light was on at night though, they were taught when small how to come down the stairs so never any incidents, they are youngest 2 of 4

We had one on the bedroom door till DD was 4 and was getting up to go for a wee in the night. She also goes downstairs now to get her breakfast some mornings before school.

I took the stair gate at the top away when my youngest was about 2, they had leant on it and it had come away from bannister and they toppled down the stairs, luckily I was there to catch them but it scared the life out of me.

I taught my children stair safety and not going downstairs at night etc. so I felt it was safer to remove than have that happen again.

Also curious why you shouldn’t have them at the top of the stairs, I’ve googled but can’t find anything!

Stair Gates went around 3. We had one at the bottom of the stairs and one at her bedroom door. We had one at the top of the stairs but that went quickly I didn't like it it felt safer not to have it. My dd is 5 now our bathroom is downstairs we keep a wee light on in the hall if she needs to get up.

I have a stair gate at the top of the stairs for an almost 4 year old. It's screwed into the wall, no bottom bit. It's actually high enough up the wall that DD can wriggle under it and get down the stairs. It's not there to stop her getting downstairs, she's fine on stairs, it's as you say for nighttime when she's half asleep and stumbling to the bathroom or our room. I don't trust her half asleep state yet to not take a step too far to the left and go tumbling down.

I taught my children stair safety and not going downstairs at night etc. so I felt it was safer to remove than have that happen again.

I mean, don't most parents teach their children this? But some children wander in the night anyway, some sleepwalk, and they aren't fully aware of where they're stepping.

How often do they come into your room at night? How many times have they woken you up by crashing into the closed stairgate?

Pretty sure we didn’t have any gates at all when youngest was 3, though it is hard to remember!

My worry was my dd leaning on it and falling through or learning to open it then tripping on the bottom bar. The wall mounted ones are safer than the pressure ones in that respect but even they don't stop them climbing over them.

We removed ours at around age 2.5 when it became obvious that she could open them. Decided it was more of a risk having her messing around trying to open the gate than not having a gate there. We have a nightlight on the landing.

Because if child attempts to climb over, they are immediately going to drop off the other side and down the stairs (and from an increased height).

My set up sounds the same as yours and I have similar aged children. We don't have one at the top as I feel it could be more dangerous if they tried to climb it. Also had one on bedroom door but youngest tripped over the bottom bar & almost flew head first down the stairs one day. Youngest goes down on bottom and we have a stair rail to hold on to. I admit I hate the stairs as I've fallen down them several times.

This! Also if it’s one with a bar at the bottom it’s a trip hazard for everyone and tension ones can pop out if a child pushes too hard against it as @QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat describes upthread.

We got rid of them when the children were about three, as they could climb over. I rationalised that I'd rather a tumble down the stairs than a climb over the gate and tumble down from there! We also had them on the bedroom doors and removed them for the same reason - but also because my naughtiest toddler could scale the gate which was right next to the bannister and tbh I was terrified he would fall from there to the ground floor. He was a terror at 2.

None of them ever fell down the stairs, gate or no gate.

We had a stair gate top and bottom of the stairs. Removed the bottom one when he started climbing headfirst over it. Removed the top one as he started violently shaking it and hanging off it. He was about 2.5 years old. The novelty of the stairs soon wore off after that.

We never bothered with dc2. Dc1 thoughtfully taught her to climb out of her cot at around 13 months and I thought the risk of them being climbed over out weighed everything else.

We have multiple staircases and our room and dc1's both open straight onto different flights.
Instead we have night lights and both kids now have torches (7 & 4). So far the only person to fall down the stairs is me and I was running/texting at the same time.