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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think of you’re signed off sick you should stay at home?

223 replies

Poppins17 · 11/01/2023 07:32

I’ve been unwell since the beginning of December.

I’m currently on my second dose of antibiotics and have now got steroids.

Dr informed me to rest as much as possible but there was no discussion about time off work.

I work in a senior position in Local Government, and have 15 staff to manage as well as assets.

I met a friend last night (which was a mistake as when I got home I realised I didn’t have the energy to do that), and she said how unwell I looked, and how I needed to go back to the drs to get signed off work.

She mentioned doing a few things whilst off sick to help with my well-being (spa days, going to the coast etc).

It made me wonder something that I assume when people are off sick they stay at home and don’t engage in any ‘nice’ activities.. is this an old fashioned view now?

Just to stay I work in the same village as where I live so likely people would see me out and about.

YABU - You should engage in nice activities for your own well being

YANBU - You should stay at home

OP posts:
SillySausage81 · 11/01/2023 09:43

I can't help thinking that if you are well enough to go to a spa you are well enough for work. I fully expect to get shot down in flames though.

How is a spa (lazing around all day, maybe sitting in a sauna, doing a couple of lengths of a pool, generally relaxing) anything like spending 8 hours "switched on", stressed out, and having to keep going regardless of how tired you might be feeling? It's not the same thing at all.

The whole origin of spas in the first place was that they were originally created as healing places where sick and convalescent people could go and benefit from the "medicinal" spa waters.

XmasElf10 · 11/01/2023 09:44

Depends what it wrong with you! I had 2 weeks off sick after a miscarriage. I was emotionally not well enough to work but I was ok to go for walks and things that improved my mood. Doing nice things to make myself feel better speeded my recovery.

Welpthereitis · 11/01/2023 09:44

I’m signed off work at the moment, with seizures I am waiting for a nuro app, I’m not allowed to drive and my dh is with me when I go out, I look fine and if a colleague saw they probably would think I’m taking the piss, but at the moment my life has ground to a haunt with having multiple seizures a week and I feel like horrible on days I do have them, but my work are so understanding so if some want to complain about me going for a walk or meal or anything maybe they should try having a week in my shoe having seizures, not knowing what is causing them, and waiting to see if I can find a solution

BellePeppa · 11/01/2023 09:45

It obviously very much depends on what you (one) are ill with. Years ago I had several months off recovering from cancer but I was able to go out and about whenever I felt able. My work were so understanding that my team including my boss even took me out for a lovely lunch one day and then I went back home while they went back to work. So it’s all about context.

JustKeepSlimming · 11/01/2023 09:45

Depends on why you're off and on what your job is.

A builder with a broken leg - obviously can't do much building work, but probably fit enough to lie on the beach.

Office worker with Covid - stay at home.

To be honest, though, I've always wondered what all these jobs are where "If you're able to go to the pub, you're able to go to work"... I can go to the pub for an hour, have a quiet lunch and go home. Not remotely comparable to a day at work.

Likewise the whole "but your colleagues are in work covering for you and you're off having fun" argument. I mean, if someone's off sick, they're off sick. They can have a coffee with their friend, it makes no difference to me whether they're in bed or in a cafe, even if I'm covering their work.

Kolakalia · 11/01/2023 09:45

The idea that 'if you can go out you can work' is so naive and misguided.

I'm a psychotherapist.

I've been signed off in the past, once, with depression, for four weeks. Only significant time off I've ever had in this job.

By the time I needed to be signed off, doing my job would have caused other people far more harm than good. It's very well saying 'you can still work' but I'm sure my clients would have rather not be treated by a therapist who no longer gave a f*ck about anyone or anything, couldn't muster up and empathy, didn't have the mental clarity or energy to pay attention or be organised.

Some people really do live in a bubble. There are many jobs where it's far better to be off sick than to try power through with certain illnesses, you can do real harm.

banoffipi · 11/01/2023 09:45

"I secretly agree with you that if you’re too sick to work it would be embarrassing to be seen out and about in the community beyond doing essential things. But I wouldn’t admit to having this view because I know it’s unfashionable. The accepted wisdom now is that there is no problem with people off work on long term sick leave going to the spa, going to the beach, going on holidays abroad."

@Twiglets1 It's not a question of "fashion" or, as you sarcastically put it, "accepted wisdom". It's a question of medical reality. Clearly you are fortunate never to have experienced a long-term illness that prevented you from working. That doesn't make it OK to have ignorant, judgemental attitudes about people who do have that.

Can you think of any job where you have the option of working only sporadically, on days when you find yourself feeling a bit less ill, for an hour or two per day at most, lying down to rest whenever you need to during that time, and most days not working at all? If so, feel free to share your ideas on what that job would be.

I have a long-term physical illness that means that most days I'm too unwell to leave the house. I feel dizzy, sick, and my whole body is in pain. Some days I'm able to go for a short walk. Some days I'm able to get a taxi to a cafe and meet a friend for coffee or lunch. It's completely unpredictable, and my friends know that I often have to cancel. In those cases we generally catch up by phone instead.

When I do meet a friend, I tend to feel worse for days afterwards, from the exertion of getting a taxi to a cafe, sitting up and having a conversation (which takes energy, if you're as unwell as I am), and getting a taxi home.

And yet, of course, so many illnesses are invisible. Anyone who saw me in a cafe having a chat would not know that I was feeling ill, that I would have to spend the rest of the day lying down, and that I would feel worse for days afterwards. They might assume, as you apparently do: "That person is well enough to be working! They're a scrounger living off my taxes! I am so outraged! I'm a better person than they are!"

A friend of mine, dying of cancer, became too ill to work a few months before his death. During the time he was off work, he went on holiday to Tenerife with his wife and kids, met up with friends, and generally got out and about when he could. I completely understand that and do not think that those things meant he should have been at work.

Another friend of mine had to have time off work for illness (genuine, horrible illness). The HR director at work made it clear that she didn't believe my friend was too ill to work. Some while later, the HR director became ill herself and had to have time off work. When she returned, she could not meet my friend's eyes.

Don't be that person.

SillySausage81 · 11/01/2023 09:45

Dishwashersaurous · 11/01/2023 08:41

I think there's a massive difference between gentle exercise to build up strength after an illness, and a spa day

Yes... the spa day is even less strenuous than a gentle walk, and very relaxing. Just what someone needs if they are tired and recovering from illness (which is literally the origin of spas).

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 11/01/2023 09:46

My Mum spent better part of a year signed off work with Cancer, should she not have left the house during that time?

Signed off work is signed off work, not signed off life.

Yes, I'd probably raise an eyebrow if I spotted you out clubbing when you supposedly had the flu, but depression, cancer, any number of other things? And besides, unless I'm your line manager or HR, I've got no business knowing for what reason you're off. Cutting shapes on the dance floor could be the perfect recuperation strategy for some people.

takealettermsjones · 11/01/2023 09:49

People seem very disparaging of spa days, I'm not sure what they did to deserve this ire 😂

A relative of mine was signed off work for back and joint problems which were causing a lot of pain. She was sent to the physio while off sick and guess what the physio did? Gave her a massage and then got her in the pool doing gentle exercises. I don't think she did do a spa day but it would have been pretty much the same thing if she had.

hoppityscotch · 11/01/2023 09:50

I love a spa day

bowlingalleyblues · 11/01/2023 09:50

If you’ve been Ill for weeks, please take some time off to rest and recover! Keeping going is the kind of thing that leads to burn out or longer term health problems.

Butchyrestingface · 11/01/2023 09:50

The whole origin of spas in the first place was that they were originally created as healing places where sick and convalescent people could go and benefit from the "medicinal" spa waters.

For whatever depraved reason, my brain read that as "medicinal spa WANKERS". Sounds good either way. Grin

lunathestral · 11/01/2023 09:51

personally if I am too sick to go to work then I am too sick to leave the house however it does depend on what is wrong with you eg if your unwell with stress then going for a walk will be helpful

dizzydizzydizzy · 11/01/2023 09:56

As PPs have said, it totally depends on the illness. As OP has fatigue, she should be staying mostly at home but nothing wrong with a short daily walk or the occasional coffee out.

Kentlassie · 11/01/2023 09:56

I had a 2 week holiday when signed off sick. I was signed off with stress following the death of dd1. Spoke to my boss and she was fully supportive of time away. On the flip side, someone in my team was signed off with an arm injury and had a disciplinary after posting selfies in the gym all over social media.

So yes, as above, it totally depends what you are signed off with.

OurChristmasMiracle · 11/01/2023 09:57

I think it really does depend on the reason. I had major surgery on my hip and knee that I needed to get out into concrete to be able to see if I was able to firstly get down the stairs and secondly able to walk on it. I probably went back a lot sooner than I should have.

CuntyMcBollocks · 11/01/2023 09:57

It depends what type of job you do and what you're off sick for. I had carpal tunnel surgery and had a few weeks off sick, but I still met up with friends and went to the pub a few times. I worked in a physical job which would have made it impossible to work anyway as I literally couldn't use my hand, so just because I was 'well' enough to venture outside of my front door, doesn't mean that I could have gone straight back to work. I couldn't even use a tin opener, let alone do heavy lifting for 12 hours a day.

Crunchymum · 11/01/2023 09:58

I think a lot of posters are missing the point, the OP hasn't been signed off work.

If you are still feeling very weak and poorly then yes go back to the Dr (or can you self certify / take a few days off to recuperate?)

serenghetti2011 · 11/01/2023 09:59

I was for for a considerable time 20/21 initially quite unwell feeling grim - single parent though so had to drag myself to take kids to school etc but I didn’t really do much until I started to feel better. I then was advised by consultant to get out and about and try to normalise my life again ready to go back to work, I was in half pay so certainly not any spa days though. I’d have struggled to go back at all if I’d just sat in the house waiting to get better. Same goes for many people, to recover and regain fitness you do need to get out and about and do r the things you did before, see friends etc none of which equalled doing 12.5 hours on a busy ward though but it lead up to it and I had a phased return then moved to a lower impact position. It was hard!!

Swissmountains · 11/01/2023 09:59

If you are well enough to go out with friends, you are well enough to go to work. Stop playing the system.

daybroke · 11/01/2023 10:00

Swissmountains · 11/01/2023 09:59

If you are well enough to go out with friends, you are well enough to go to work. Stop playing the system.

Nonsense.

CuntyMcBollocks · 11/01/2023 10:06

Swissmountains · 11/01/2023 09:59

If you are well enough to go out with friends, you are well enough to go to work. Stop playing the system.

What a stupid and ignorant thing to say.

Whatthediddlyfeck · 11/01/2023 10:12

It’s a bit of an old fashioned view, but if you’re out and about don’t plaster it all over social media <looking at a certain colleague>

RaininSummer · 11/01/2023 10:12

I am having an internal dialogue about this right now. Have been off sick with with an evil virus and not left the house for 9 days now. Starting to feel better and need to build up to returning to work as have no energy at all and also want to see how I feel to know if I am capable of even getting to work and how much it will make me cough. Was contemplating going to a park and walking about but worried about being seen. I do need some fresh air though.