Boarding school

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I genuinely did not still think boarding school existed for little children anymore. Teenagers yes. But I looked up Prince Harry's old school after starting the book, and it takes boys from age 8.

AIBU to think that unless there are extenuating circumstances, sending your 8 year old away to board, with them coming home every two weeks for the weekend, is cruel? With everything we know about attachment and young children now, I just can't fathom it.

Flexi boarding isn’t the same as only seeing your child, say once a month, or less.

Its funny as when access to non-resident dads is discussed, the minimum usually is every other weekend plus once in the week, so the child sees them, otherwise it affects their ability to build a relationship. Apparently it’s not fine seeing either parents for weeks though if you board.

I'd say that children who only see their Dad EOW would also have a worse relationship with them than if they lived together so not sure I get your point.

There were a few mentions of residential settings for children with severe needs. I appreciate this is to be an access issue as, my understanding is that the placement that suits your child's needs may be miles/hours away.

I think it was a Scandinavian documentary I was watching where every city had a small enclosed village - there was one for older people with dementia and another for children who needed full time 2 to 1 specially trained SNA/Carers.

To me it seemed a more progressive model - easier access - some if very limited access to a community. I appreciate it is a very rose tinted glasses but surely a model where parents could at least have local access to see their child progressing/being cared for would benefit the whole family.

A family member age 10 is at Boarding school.
When I go to collect her for a weekend I get mobbed!!

So they live with you but board a couple of nights a week?
Thats a completely different thing to sending your child across the country/world and them just visiting their “home” during holidays
I don’t think anyone here is judging what you do

I work with a lot of people who boarded, it’s that kind of industry. It affected them all adversely- IMHO- you’ve never met people with more issues around trust, attachment, interacting with others.
Many have that jolly hockey sticks bravado, but it doesn’t take much to see behind the insecurity, and when they start talking about their experiences even the ‘funny’ ones it’s like listening to army veterans dragging out their war stories.

Interestingly, as far as I’m aware, although many have gone down the route of private school not one has decided to board their children.

@Hoppinggreen yes. Lives full time with me but boards two nights. Occasionally a whole week if I'm in the US, according to some people on this thread though this is still a white thing to do!

That should say shite not white.

Two nights a week and the occasional full week is not at all comparable to being at BS for weeks on end. No one is calling you shite, @jeaux90, stop going on about it.

I boarded but none of my children have. DD wanted to board for 6th form - weekly - but none of the schools on her shortlist offer it so she'll remain as a day pupil.

"I think it was a Scandinavian documentary I was watching where every city had a small enclosed village - there was one for older people with dementia and another for children who needed full time 2 to 1 specially trained SNA/Carers."

In the UK the vast majority of residential provision is provided by private companies who decide where it goes and whose only aim is to make a profit

There are some that take them from 3/4yrs old! I'm firmly on the "that's too young" side. My eldest has boarded since she was Y7.

What I found desperately sad was hearing about the very young international boarders at a reputable UK school. Their enforced weekends home (I think monthly or every 3rd weekend) are to a host family and they’re age 6/7 starting. Some went from a family where co sleeping was the norm culturally to being a full time boarder. This is current not historic.

My mum was packed off to boarding school age 6. She has never gotten over it.

Was sent aged 10. I hated it - it was a convent school and the staff weren’t properly vetted back then and we had a male doctor who gave us all the creeps because he’d always want us to remove our pants. Ugh, I still get nightmares about that place. There was a scandal there after I left involving another abusive member of staff. It took me a very long time to forgive my mother for sending me there.

@Tricyrtis2022 but they did. Down thread. That any kind of boarding is wrong, specifically flexi boarding and it makes you a crap parent is what was said...despite the fact some of us single parents couldn't work without it.

And I will go on about it because despite what people think whether or not people chose to board/part time board their kids is not a black and white issue.

It depends on the kid, the home life circumstances and reasons behind those choices.

One of my friends kids wanted to board because their sibling was a schizophrenic. My kid boards part time because I'm a single parent. My cousins kid boards because they are in the military and his wife passed away.

What do people want you to do in these circumstances? Go on benefits so you can pick your kid up everyday? Lose your house because you can't work....Ridiculous.

Still too young

I have a friend who sent her son to boarding school at age 7 or 8. Not weekly boarding but termly boarding, only home school holidays. They said it is b/c dad is in the military, but Mum lives in the gorgeous, large family home they own outright. They have two younger dc, not sure if they will do the same thing for them. I found the whole thing very very strange. They are completely missing out on most of his childhood. He's so little. Dad isn't even stationed abroad. They receive a scholarship that covers fees, I'm assuming that's the motivation. I could see making use of it at 13+ , preferably weekly boarding vs weeks/months at a time, but not at such a young age.

I was very very pleased Will & Kate didn't send George away at 8. Hopefully they don't consider it until he is much older like Kate was.

OP

There is a documentary, probably on youtube called, "Britain's youngest boarders", I think they were about 6.

Some countries have boarding for toddlers.

@sashh toddlers - surely not 😭

Three year olds in China

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24624427

The school I went to had boarding for toddlers, but that was in the '70s. They looked to be about 3-5 five years old and were looked after by a nurse.

That pic of them going to the shower has broken me.

'And I will go on about it because despite what people think whether or not people chose to board/part time board their kids is not a black and white issue.
It depends on the kid, the home life circumstances and reasons behind those choices.'

And yet it's very much an English thing, and a MC/UC thing, isn't it?

Weird how other nations, backgrounds just don't see it as an option.
Much as I would love not to have the hassle of having our two around day to day - sending them to be raised by other people, people running a business and no matter how kind they are ( and many aren't) don't love your children.

We can afford private/boarding and both kids would get a bursary due to sport/music but it wouldn't occur to us.

I know a HOD at a famous boarding school, and she says she feel sorry for the children who live there, sent away - many from overseas, many going to 'host families' they barely know on Exeat weekends and then when the pandemic hit many were forced to stay at school for months and months, or to go to live permanently with their host families as their home countries wouldn't allow them to return.