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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that another Mumsnetter has guessed who I am and been gossiping about me at school to the parents and teachers about what she read on a tread I started

107 replies

summersun06 · 04/02/2008 21:59

Some of you might now my story all ready I lost one of my twin Daughters in August aged 11 months, and I have poured my heart out on MN. A friend of mine works at the school (I used to work there to) and she told me that one of the Class room assistant came up to her the other day and said "Hows * " and my friend said she went on to say that her daughter-in-law is a mumsnetter and she saw my thread and put two and two together and gathered it was me and the class room assistant went onto tell my friend how I poured my heart out on MN. The next day another Class room assistant came to her and said the same. I am so upset to think that they are all sitting reading my thoughts and gossiping about me, this women is a Mum at the school to, so who knows who she has told. What do I do? I like/liked this women and often chatted (small talk) to her. Do I confront her? but im not sure I am strong enough. Why are people so f*ked up? Any ideas?

OP posts:
ladette · 04/02/2008 22:30

maybe she'll read this an realise what she's done? hopefully her intentions weren't malicious. Whilst we'd hope that other MNetters would respect our need to have somewhere confidential to post our innermost thoughts and feelings, I suppose the tough message is that it is a public board. So, if we are posting things we wouldn't want thoughtless people like her gossiping about in the playground, we need to namechange. It's amazing how much info people give away just in idle chatter, then forget about that when posting something they want to keep anonymous. You've been through enough, if you feel you can, just ignore her. If you need to confront her, then it will be more stressful but perhaps you'll feel better after. Good luck which ever you choose and I hope the silly cow is reading this thread.

Original poster
summersun06 · 04/02/2008 22:31

I did post a tribute to my DD on Mumsnet the other day but she did this before I posted and it was on a different thread. I had made a lovely tribute site for my daughter and I thought it would be nice for MN to see pic and story of DD since they have been so kind to me. In fact it was a Mumsnetter that told me about the site, so I felt like it would be nice to share it. I thought she already outted me so wheres the harm! I may have made things worse though! Do you think?

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Original poster
summersun06 · 04/02/2008 22:34

Your right ladette I dont think that her intentions were malicious, thats what sad I just wish she had thought about it before hand

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MightyMoosh · 04/02/2008 22:34

Maybe a second persona for when you want to be flippent or seek support knowing no-one knows its you, then flip back to let us know how you are/post as 'yourself'?

littlelapin · 04/02/2008 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
summersun06 · 04/02/2008 22:35

Thats maybe a good idea thank MightyMoosh x

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Original poster
summersun06 · 04/02/2008 22:36

Yes its layla.szafranski.muchloved.com

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AitchTwoOh · 04/02/2008 22:37

in a way, though, i do think that the daughter-in-law MNer might just have said 'gosh, that poor summersun lady that you know from school has been having a terrible time. she's been on MN and everyone's rallied round etc' and her stupid MIL has gone and taken this as something else.
i know that my mum and her cronies regard getting support online as quite unbecoming and weird, but we all know that it's essential and modern.
now it's still poor form that the MNer spoke about it, but in a way i know that i've told my mum that Peter got his heart transplant and told rl friends about how amazing i think Misdee is (for example) and i wouldn't think i would be doing anything wrong by that...
the classroom assistant is being a twat, though, but she may just be a twat. the DiL may be horrified when she realises (reading this) the effect she's had. i would bloody hope so.

littlelapin · 04/02/2008 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
summersun06 · 04/02/2008 22:40

Yeah maybe your right AitchTwoOh I never looked at it like that.

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MightyMoosh · 04/02/2008 22:40

Was just popping back to say I'd emailed but have to say looked at the tribute site and now Im in bits! I think your girls are so lucky to have a mum like you.

Original poster
summersun06 · 04/02/2008 22:40

Thank you Littlelapin xx

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ladette · 04/02/2008 22:40

I saw your tribute site last week and was really touched by it, as I know lots of others were. As a result of that, lots of people will now know who summersun is in RL. Which makes what MightyMoosh wrote even more important

Original poster
summersun06 · 04/02/2008 22:42

Thank you MIghtymoosh that means alot xx

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Original poster
summersun06 · 04/02/2008 22:46

Yeah maybe they will but it would be nice if she had just come up to me and said, would it?

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callmeovercautious · 04/02/2008 22:46

Perhaps it is better that you don't know her MN name. She will be ashamed to have been bitched about so much (deservedly so too) and hopefully this will be enough. Well I know I would be ashamed but then we are not all the same.

Keep posting Summersun06 - I have been following your posts and think you are a very strong person. I hope MN helps keeps you strong.

X

LadyVictorianSqualor · 04/02/2008 22:47

It's not fair that summersun should have to use a different name when posting though, we know her as summersun, we can relate to her as summersun, if she was to post something else then we wouldnt know the background or her storey and wouldnt necessarily be able to help as well as if we knew who she was.
That's what makes it so shit.

AitchTwoOh · 04/02/2008 22:49

well if the daughter in law MNer has any sense she will pay her CAT subscription and simply apologise and summersun will feel a lot better about it i'm sure. i can't believe that any of us (and it is one of us, remember) would be gossiping maliciously, tbh, it's much more likely imo that the MiL is acting like an arse.

Original poster
summersun06 · 04/02/2008 22:53

Thank you CAllmeovercautious and LadyVictorianSqualor, your right I shouldnt have to change my MN name, i dont want to feel bullied off MN. Lots of people do know me as Summer and FOR NOW I want to stay as Summer. Thank girls, Like I say why should one person spoil it when so many other are great

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hunkermunker · 04/02/2008 22:53

I think Aitch may well have got it right. I hope so. She's wise, Aitch - I'd go with that as the explanation, SS. It'll help you more.

Original poster
summersun06 · 04/02/2008 22:55

I do hope she does AitchTwoOh and then I can put it behind me, but I dreading bumping in to her. I dont know if Ican just say nothing

OP posts:
MotherFunk · 04/02/2008 22:57

Message withdrawn

AitchTwoOh · 04/02/2008 22:58

the dil or the mil? i do think you should say something to the DiL, i imagine she'll be horrified. just say that it's hurt your feelings that her MiL knows and is blethering about you, and there was no need to draw her attention to it. how could she disagree?

Original poster
summersun06 · 04/02/2008 22:59

Thank you MotherFunk believe me whenI say I was the most blessed person to be Laylas Mammy she was amazing

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Original poster
summersun06 · 04/02/2008 23:02

I hate confrontation but I dont think I have much choice it may get out of hand other wise

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