To bring a fizzy drink to a meal?

[mapofthechicks]

So, I visited my boyfriend's family for the first time on Sunday

His mum cooked for us all. Lovely meal. When I arrived, I came with a bottle of lemonade. I said this to his mum ''I've got this, can I pop it in the fridge? Please help yourselves''

When having dinner, I asked for a glass (there were only small wine glasses on the table).

His mum said 'but we're having wine?'

I said no thanks, I'll just have some of the lemonade please'

She seemed really at me!

We had a nice meal and then my boyfriend mentioned to me today 'Mum was really confused about your lemonade! Maybe don't do that next time '

AIBU to think it's fine? It wasn't just for me. Anyone could've helped themselves but it was so strange. It was as if I had placed 10g of coke on the table and told everyone to help themselves to a line

Very odd indeed surely?

@HangoverSquare

Perfectly put.

I really enjoy cooking for and hosting people and I like to think I'm a good, mannerly host, so I'll ask in advance (especially if somebody is bringing a friend or partner I've never met) - any dietary restrictions? Allergies? Do they drink alcohol? If not, what do they prefer?

Because I believe that 'good' manners are fundamentally about making people feel at ease, I wouldn't comment or react if somebody turned up to my house with a 2L bottle of 7Up, but I would be a bit surprised.

In my head I would be thinking 'WTF?', mostly because I kind of expect adults to have reached a certain level of tolerance for taking what they're given, especially when meeting people for the first time.

(See also: people who turn up for dinner clutching a dessert or some other unrequested course or foodstuff (obviously BBQs / movie nights etc are different, knock yourselves out there).

Now, that does fucking annoy me, because (reasonably or unreasonably) I think it casts judgement on my ability as a host - 'oh, you clearly haven't put any thought into the food you're going to serve to X amount of people, so I thought I'd just help you.'

Of course I haven't put any time or thought AT ALL into planning a four-course meal for six people who I have invited to dine at my house at my expense, I thought we'd just wing it and see where the evening took us. Have some crisps.)

@phoenixrosehere that's actually a valid point. I don't know how common the 'ades' (cherryade, limeade, lemonade etc) are in other countries and I believe 'squash' is a bit of a unique to the UK thing.
But as I said upthread a lot of the brand name fizzy drinks have been around since the Victorian era and are sold all over the world - yet people on this thread seem to think fizzy drinks are the most bizarre thing that anyone would want to drink.

I think it was more the fact you brought a fizzy drink to have with the meal. Yes, you should be able to drink what you want, but it is frowned upon by plenty of people.

So they drink wine or water with their meals. Thats fine and up to them. You drink fizzy sweet drinks with yours and thats fine and up to you.

But maybe when you are invited to theirs next time, you now know their etiquette around what goes with the meal. The meal they have taken time and effort to cook. So perhaps try and cope without fizzy for that one meal snd drink water. And when you invite them to yours and you've spent time and effort cooking, you can serve whatever drink you want, as its your house and your ettiquette.

They probably view drinking fizzy with a roast a bit akin to inviting someone over and they cover it in ketchup. Its just a bit rude.

If you can't drink regular water, take a flavoured fizzy version (in a nice bottle preferably) and i'm sure that will be fine. Why cause a fuss when its literally one meal every so often, i'm sure you can cope without 7up for one meal?

Why cause a fuss when its literally one meal every so often, i'm sure you can cope without 7up for one meal?
I think this nails why the family found it so weird: same as the Diet Coke thread, it’s odd behaviour from an adult to not be able to manage without a fizzy drink for a couple of hours. Like bringing a bag of KP Nuts to snack on while waiting for dinner, and airily announcing “Help yourselves”. Yes, they were rude to only offer wine but I assume water would have been available – don’t think OP has clarified whether there was water on the table or not?

OP replied to a question earlier on in the thread with I don't want water with my meal? but not sure if it was explained why.

Also, I wouldn't do it myself but I couldn't get upset about it if I was the host. I would think it was a bit quirky but I wouldn't be offended.

I believe 'squash' is a bit of a unique to the UK thing.

They have squash of varying forms all over the world. It's often known as syrup.

Sounds like a fuss over nothing on both sides.

@MaryMcCarthy yes Squash is similar to cordial or syrups but I think squash isn't as thick (even though it still has to be diluted).
From experience I have had with non Brits if you say "do you want a drink of squash" they don't know what it means but if you say "do you want cordial" they do.

If they have a problem with their guests not wanting to drink alcohol, then yes.

Interesting take. 😂 I’m sure that was the case here though, not a problem, they just assumed.

@mapofthechicks are they alcoholics?

Some of these comments.......🤦‍♀️

I think the comments made by your OH are ridiculous, he should have supported you or mentioned beforehand to his mum that you don't want to drink wine.

I can't see any issues at all. I don't drink at all, wouldn't be overly on just water so the mum should have checked and got you something else in. As she didn't then you didn't do anything offensive by taking your own - why can't you enjoy a drink if they're on wine???

I think the mum has got her back up as she didn't arrange it before you arrived.

Squash is the equivalent to fruit concentrate where I grew up in the States. If you said squash in the States, for most it would be the fruit or the game.

Cordials were only talked about in concerns with alcohol since they’re used to make different alcohol drinks. Syrups, also with alcohol, BUT also syrups you put on food (maple, butter pecan) or mixed with milk (chocolate, strawberry which can also go on food) and coffee (hazelnut, caramel, vanilla).

I think the mum has got her back up as she didn't arrange it before you arrived.

Or thought to ask from the sounds of things.

Ask yourself this: why is it ok to take alcoholic drinks (bottle of wine) when invited to other people’s for a meal, but not ok to take soft drinks?

I bet you wouldn’t find it odd if your guest turned up with a bottle of wine.

Next time bring a bottle of lambrini, she may collapse with shock though

Its laughable to see the people getting their knickers in a twist over a drink choice. Get over yourselves 😂

Most social rules are arbitrary but in this case it's probably a safe bet that a group of adults won't want to drink 7UP with their roast meal.

Which isn't to have a go at the OP. She's entitled not to drink alcohol and the host shouldn't be making the slightest issue out of that.

Ask yourself this: why is it ok to take alcoholic drinks (bottle of wine) when invited to other people’s for a meal, but not ok to take soft drinks?

I asked myself that. I take a bottle of wine as a gift to the hosts. I don't actually expect to see the wine I take at the meal at all, the hosts usually have that covered.
A 2L bottle of 7UP not really the same is it?

All the Hons quoting the U non-U would you really want to dine with Mitfords? In their dusty draughty house with Pa waving his gun around? I can imagine that conversation on Mumsnet.

Because you take the wine as a gift, not as your own drink, hosts expect to provide drinks. If the hosts open the wine fine but it’s not an expectation. They’re hardly going to be thankful for a plastic bottle of 7up for a gift,

i would be equally put out if my guest bought their own bottle of wine to my dinner with an expectation it was their drink for the evening when I would have bought all the drinks for the evening.

It's a bit weird to not at least have a glass of wine when meeting a partner's family for the first time and cooking you a meal. You don't have to get drunk but a glass or two is the done thing, it's a bit weird/rude to refuse to drink it and bring your own fizzy drink instead.

If you've got a legitimate reason as to why you can't drink (for example, you are taking medication and aren't allowed to drink whilst on it) you should disclose this to your hosts ahead of time.

YY the gift wine gets put away for another day. If the hosts wish to open it then that's fine but I wouldn't expect it to be.

What a brilliant idea for a thread! 😄

It's a bit weird to not at least have a glass of wine when meeting a partner's family for the first time and cooking you a meal. You don't have to get drunk but a glass or two is the done thing, it's a bit weird/rude to refuse to drink it and bring your own fizzy drink instead.

ah come on.

the weird thing is expecting someone who doesn't drink to have a glass of wine because of some outmoded social convention.