To give child a snack before bed?

[raspberryjuiceandpompoms]

My DH and I just had a fall out. DH really lovely, hands on father, he’s kind and he’s patient. However, our parenting styles vary. Of course I know I’m not always right so I’d like to know what you all think. Anyway, my DH had a proper go at me for giving our DC a snack before bed (by snack I mean a bowl of porridge). In my opinion, no child should go to bed hungry. DH thinks that DS is playing me and that I’m spoiling him. DS didn’t like his dinner so he ate only 1/2 of it, so naturally he was hungry. There was 3h window between dinner and bed and DS decided to ask for food right before it was time to brush his teeth. DH said I’m spoiling DS (who is 5) and he should learn to eat what he’s given and there should be no food after dinner. DS is very sporty, he eats like a horse and he’s a healthy bmi. He ate the full bowl of porridge. AIBU to give my child a snack before bed or should he learn a lesson indeed? Also, does it really matter when and how much a child eats as long as it’s healthy and their tummy is full and happy?

YABU - children should eat eat what they are given, there should be 3 meals a day with a small snack anything extra is spoiling them

YANBU - as long as children are eating healthily they can decide themselves what they fancy eating and when to snack

I think if it was something plain and boring (like porridge!) and obviously not a treat after not eating their dinner, then it’s fine. I did teach mine fairly early on that if they wanted a snack they had to ask by a certain time, otherwise tough luck. My dp would moan if I gave into them when it was bedtime but ok other than that.

I could have wrote this post myself lol! Me and my husband argue about this too! But I feel the same! I would hate for my little one to go to bed hungry (also 5) but I would be maybe not so lenient if he hadn't ate all his tea! (Although out gap isn't as long as 3 hours) so I do feel YABU to give him a snack. 3 hours is a long time xx

Sorry I meant YANBU xx

I thought this was going to be about snacks vs brushing teeth... I totally agree with you. Your husband must have had an upbringing that makes him to say all the nonsense he's applying on his child. I wonder how he would like if his meals were dictated like that. The children are naturally good in calibrating how much they need to eat but this instinct can easily be damaged.

YANBU. I would do (and do) the same for my 2 year old. It's not spoiling him - spoiling him would be bending over backwards cooking a separate meal or giving him junk to eat as he is refusing dinner. Toast/porridge etc before bed isn't a treat & a 3hr gap is quite a long time.

In general I agree with you OP (my DC are also very sporty and a healthy weight). However, I do think that a child asking for a snack right before bed is maybe playing you a bit...!! Are you sure it wasn't a bedtime procrastination thing?

Of course he’s hungry before bed if dinner is three hours before bed. Why is it so early? I’d push dinner later. We eat at 6 and then bed is 7.30/8. No time for a snack then

Your DS will sleep better with a full stomach. Your grouchy DH sounds like he needs a snack too tbh😌

You are basically asking if it’s ok to give your child supper?

My children have supper every night before bed. Sometimes porridge, weetabix or toast. I don’t feel that I am spoiling them.

My kids have a biscuit and cup of milk every night before going up to bed, it's part of their routine, no harm done.

I think this attitude is boarderline abusive. Forcing the eating of food or not giving food shouldn’t be punishment.

Has he never sat down to eat dinner, felt a bit off so left some and had some toast before bed? If so he’s being very unreasonable. Let your child self regulate their food intake, it’s not like they’re asking for a midnight Mars bar either.

Far more natural for kids to graze all day rather than just 3 huge full meals. If it's relatively healthy then cannot see the problem . Wait until your DC is 16. He'll be eating the whole fridge at 11pm.

On the whole I don't think it is a question of right or wrong. You and your DH need to agree on a strategy and stick to it. Taken to extremes, yes, I do think it matters what a child eats and when - but probably not in this context!

A 5 year old child has never starved because he/she didn't get a full evening meal, so that's not a big deal.

Equally, I've never heard anyone say a child's been spoilt rotten because they got to eat porridge instead of dinner.

I would say the stakes are fairly even here. So how can you compromise?

• Could you have dinner later, so it's not so close to bedtime?
• Could you make a rule that certain (boring!) foods are allowed - so if DC claims to be hungry, you can say 'ok, you can have a banana/a slice of toast/ an apple'?
• My understanding is that 3 meals a day is not ideal for a young child - they are better with snacks. But those can be tied to fixed times, if that makes you feel better. So you could plan to have (say) a meal at 4pm or 5pm, and a supper-style snack at 6 or 7?

IME arguments about food are never just about food. How was your DH parented in this context? And what did your parents do?

This.

YANBU my children can have a snack before bed if they are hungry and it’s ok if they don’t eat all their dinner. Sometimes we just don’t like something or aren’t in the mood for it. I think how I feel sometimes about food or wanting a snack before bed and I consider that when making rules for my children. I’ve had eating disorders in the past and I think this influences my decision to respect my children’s hunger/or not and their choices around food

Sorry - when I said 'Could you have dinner later, so it's not so close to bedtime?' I should have said 'Could you have dinner later, so it's not so far from bedtime?'

Well I voted YANBU as children should definitely be offered a healthy supper/snack before bed rather than go to bed hungry! Porridge, banana, toast etc.
I wouldn't go as far as your definition for YANBU - 'as long as children are eating healthily they can decide themselves what they fancy eating and when to snack' as I do think geneally sticking mostly to meals is - but supper is a meal!

Of course YANBU. I would be saying the opposite if you'd written "chocolate bar"! Porridge is healthy and great for supper if they're hungry.

My kids have fruit and milk every night while they watch a bit of telly before bed. Must be very spoilt!

I’m with you OP. 3 hours is a big gap, especially after small meal. Carbs with milk are very soothing and calming before bedtime and hungry child never sleeps well.

I think your DH should understand that life ( and mealtimes) is not just black and white. I bet he himself eats what he likes and when he likes, 5 y.o hasn’t got this luxury yet.

My little boy is only 16 months but we always offer him a porridge and banana supper. If he doesn't eat a lot at 4:30/5 o'clock he might be hungry before bed at 7 so we offer him supper at around 6:15/6:30. Tonight it was some Greek yoghurt instead.

He sleeps better if he goes to bed with a full belly.

Supper is a perfectly normal part of a lot of children's routines.

I only offer cereal or toast for supper around 6pm as last meal of the day if someone doesn't eat the dinner. Not a big deal. You want them to sleep through.

We all have a drink and a little snack before bedtime!

You did the right thing. If it was a chocolate bar then no but porridge is hardly a treat!

I grew up in the 70s with parents who were very old school, and we didn't eat extravagantly at all, but after having tea at 6pm we always had supper around 9pm. Usually cereal, or something on toast and occasionally if mum felt like making it, a proper chip butty.