To give child a snack before bed?

[raspberryjuiceandpompoms]

My DH and I just had a fall out. DH really lovely, hands on father, he’s kind and he’s patient. However, our parenting styles vary. Of course I know I’m not always right so I’d like to know what you all think. Anyway, my DH had a proper go at me for giving our DC a snack before bed (by snack I mean a bowl of porridge). In my opinion, no child should go to bed hungry. DH thinks that DS is playing me and that I’m spoiling him. DS didn’t like his dinner so he ate only 1/2 of it, so naturally he was hungry. There was 3h window between dinner and bed and DS decided to ask for food right before it was time to brush his teeth. DH said I’m spoiling DS (who is 5) and he should learn to eat what he’s given and there should be no food after dinner. DS is very sporty, he eats like a horse and he’s a healthy bmi. He ate the full bowl of porridge. AIBU to give my child a snack before bed or should he learn a lesson indeed? Also, does it really matter when and how much a child eats as long as it’s healthy and their tummy is full and happy?

YABU - children should eat eat what they are given, there should be 3 meals a day with a small snack anything extra is spoiling them

YANBU - as long as children are eating healthily they can decide themselves what they fancy eating and when to snack

I wouldn't have issue with the snack I would have an issue at the request just before going to bed.
I wouldn't have given the snack at that time. My dc know to ask if they are hungry about 30mins before bed.

I would say I don't subscribe to the idea that a child should just get all the food they want whenever they want (if that's what you mean). God knows mine would get through whole packs of cereal if given that freedom.

Could you move dinner later? There's a big gap there between dinner and bed. He must be eating dinner at 4pm ish.

Sorry, haven’t read the whole thread so this has probably been pointed out already, but porridge before bed improves people’s sleep, like a hot milky drink does. Nothing wrong with it at all, children need a lot of fuel and porridge is a healthy bedtime snack.

I don't believe in forcing food. I wouldn't make my husband eat his dinner either. My son is 2.5 and eats well but some nights he doesn't like what I offer so he eats whatever he wants and if he doesn't eat much / anything then I always offer "supper" before bed - wholewheat toast with either hummus or peanut butter. I think porridge is a good alternative too although my son doesn't like it.

I'll also add, I don't offer an alternative at dinner as I don't want him to learn that he can refuse a meal he likes just cause he wants something else. But offering a different meal - so supper - later is what i prefer

We give our toddler half a banana before bed every night, it's part of our routine and means no matter what she's eaten that day, hopefully she will stay full till morning. Can't say if it has a positive effect tbh as we haven't tried without, but we're all happy with it! Plus I guess it's not seen as a treat or an alternative to dinner because we do it every day.

Lots of people mistake firm boundaries for rigidity in parenting. It's nuanced, I get it, but inflexibility so often leads to difficult relationships.

I’d only offer the other 1/2 of their dinner. And I’d consider a later dinner time.

My dc would want a snack before bed if their last meal was 3 hours before. I think giving an option before bed- banana, toast, cereal is appropriate. I would though watch that dc doesn't start refusing dinner completely because they know they'll get a snack later. Make the snack a snack, not a meal.

My kids have toast before bed. I always had supper when I was a kid. I thought it was more common to do that than not have supper to be honest.

Our DD is almost 10 and if she doesn't feel like finishing her dinner she has the option of cereal a little while later. Usually she doesn't bother with the cereal cos she's either genuinely not hungry or she's ill.

I don't bother with the other half of the dinner, if she didn't feel like eating it at 6pm then I'm not going to try and have her eat it a couple of hours later.

I'm totally with you, OP. Sometimes we just aren't hungry at dinner time. If it becomes a pattern of behaviour (asking for something right before bed to delay bedtime) then it's an issue but otherwise I'd keep doing what you're doing.

Your dh is being unreasonable, it's not on to deny a child food if they're hungry 🤷‍♀️

Does your Ds get a pudding with his dinner? Growing children need lots of calories so a pudding with dinner may help fill him up.

I grew up having supper before bed, and my children do the same. It's never anything very fancy, a bowl of cereal, a slice of toast, a banana or an apple. I don't see the issue with it personally.