To give child a snack before bed?

[raspberryjuiceandpompoms]

My DH and I just had a fall out. DH really lovely, hands on father, he’s kind and he’s patient. However, our parenting styles vary. Of course I know I’m not always right so I’d like to know what you all think. Anyway, my DH had a proper go at me for giving our DC a snack before bed (by snack I mean a bowl of porridge). In my opinion, no child should go to bed hungry. DH thinks that DS is playing me and that I’m spoiling him. DS didn’t like his dinner so he ate only 1/2 of it, so naturally he was hungry. There was 3h window between dinner and bed and DS decided to ask for food right before it was time to brush his teeth. DH said I’m spoiling DS (who is 5) and he should learn to eat what he’s given and there should be no food after dinner. DS is very sporty, he eats like a horse and he’s a healthy bmi. He ate the full bowl of porridge. AIBU to give my child a snack before bed or should he learn a lesson indeed? Also, does it really matter when and how much a child eats as long as it’s healthy and their tummy is full and happy?

YABU - children should eat eat what they are given, there should be 3 meals a day with a small snack anything extra is spoiling them

YANBU - as long as children are eating healthily they can decide themselves what they fancy eating and when to snack

Lone voice it seems but he ate half his dinner which hardly qualifies as going to bed hungry.

I thought the OP said “smack” before bed 😳

yanbu. One of my kids has hypoglycaemia so needs a snack before bed.

If they’re hungry, give them something to eat (as long as they clean their teeth again). Porridge is really good for us, too.

Tell your husband to stop being a control freak. How would he like it if he was hungry at bedtime and you told him he couldn’t have something to eat?

My Ds quite likes a snack before bed. We have dinner at about 6, so if he’s going to sleep for about 9 then there’s a long gap in between (obviously the snack wouldn’t be right before sleeping but I mean without the snack at any point). It’s normally something fairly boring, and nothing that would wake a person up like anything sugary.

The issue that you have is the issue I run up against is that you’re not supposed to brush your teeth straight after food / drink (my Ds likes milk) as the food / drink softens them. He has milk through a straw but not sure how much that helps.

I haven’t found a perfect answer to that yet!

I agree with this, but I also think if a child is eating dinner three hours before bedtime (and then, presumably, sleeping at least 8 or 9 hours?) then 11/12 hours is a long time to be without food. It'd be better for dinner to be closer to bedtime.

We’re the same. DS suddenly gets hungry before bedtime. He’s just a fussy eater, so turns his nose at dinner then hopes he can beg for a snack before bed hoping I’ll crack, which I sometimes do because I can’t bear him going to bed hungry. But I try to make sure it’s the exception, not the rule. DH doesn’t like.

It’s just different parenting styles reflecting how we were raised ourselves. My parents were laid back; his the opposite.

Given the age YABU

I think it's fine but mainly due to how I was brought up. Main meal at 5 and then supper at 8 then bed. My mums logic was that for a small child - not eating from 5pm until 7am the following morning is a huge amount of time. Now the supper wasn't always the healthiest but that was my upbringing and I was skinny.

I noticed when I returned home as an adult how much smaller our dinner plates were - so our portions were smaller for the main meal. That gave me food for thought

Most people I know in the fitness industry and nutritional types would say eat the porridge at night before bed.

It's normal and perfectly ok to want to eat when you are hungry. It's only our stupid cultures that try and control and out "times" on eating.

Let him graze and let him eat if he's hungry! Like another poster said it will prepare you for the midnight fridge raiding that my teenagers do.

my children always have a snack before bed! We call it a fly cup and it’s part of our culture 😁

It's fine. My 12 Yr old has been having 'supper' since weaned. Usually a bowl of cereal, I always was fortunate enough to goto bed warm with a full belly and in this day and age it should be no different. No you are not 'spoiling' him

My kids have supper every night before bed.

Sometimes it's toast, cereal or sometimes it's a freddo bar.

They're active and healthy children.

It's normal and perfectly ok to want to eat when you are hungry. It's only our stupid cultures that try and control and out "times" on eating.

That’s very true. In different cultures, parents are more relaxed about food time and bedtime. I’m not saying it’s better or worse, but it’s true that culture has a lot to do with it.

Was tonight a one off or a regular thing? As a one off because he didn’t like tea, totally fine. Shit happens in parenting. However, if he’s regularly refusing tea in place of a big bowl of porridge, I’d probably look at changing things. I disagree with you that 5 year olds should be allowed to chose what and when they eat - I think parental input into diet is really important.

I also agree with PPs that 3h is a long time between tea and bedtime. I suppose if supper is something you routinely do, then it’s fine. But you and your DH need to be on the same page for that.

Mine eat dinner early as do sports most eve. They have milk layer and bread / sandw

Or sandw

Sandwich if hungry. Age 11-13

I'd never let a child go to bed hungry, I mean they wouldn't sleep well for a start.

But I don't agree with "Also, does it really matter when and how much a child eats as long as it’s healthy and their tummy is full and happy?"

Of course it matters how much a child eats because it needs to be in line with how much exercise they get. Healthy foods can and do cause obesity when far too much is eaten and not enough is burned off.

Also, kids do play us like a fiddle at times, so your DH could be right in that sense.

I’m with Duplictae on this one.

YANBU if it’s because he’s genuinely hungry for some reason - an unusually early tea, not eating his tea etc. But not just because ‘omg a couple of hours have passed without food, must give him food’.

If DD doesn’t like her dinner and refuses to touch it she gets a peanut butter sandwich and a banana. Mainly so she sleeps because she would wake up with an empty stomach. Porridge is very filling though and not a ‘snack’ in my eyes.

Why does your DH feel such rigid rules are required? Of course we should generally try to encourage routine around eating, but some deviation from this is normal and as long as you’re offering healthy meals and snacks, I don’t see the issue. This also doesn’t sound like the norm for your child, if it was, you could review your approach. Children are still learning to regulate themselves.

YANBU.

I'd never send my child to be hungry and don't agree with forcing kids to eat things they don't want to. As adults we know what we want to food to avoid because we don't like it. I don't see much difference. I agree with them trying something before they decide they don't like it.

But in this house if you don't like it. Don't eat it. I'll do them something else.

He's 5. He's growing and it was porridge. I would definitely have given him it without a second thought.

I always give the children supper if they ask for it.

Bed not be.

You’re both unreasonable.

Your DH is being a bellend for insisting that children eat what they are given or go hungry. That’s absolutely terrible. Every meal should have something you know the child likes and there should be quick & easy options in the event they end up not liking most of it that you can get for them during the dinner hour.

You are also BU by letting a child go hungry until bedtime! Eating right before bed is so unhealthy to do as well for our digestive systems and also for letting blood sugar levels get too low.