Did any of you have a ' I divorced him because he left his cup in the sink ' moment?

[bingoagain]

Not sure if that's the exact title of the article but basically it was an article where the wife divorced him because she had enough of his laziness and disrespect despite many pleas for equality and support.
Well, I've just done this and I hope I haven't jumped the gun.
He stayed at my home for days on end and then it ramped up to weeks at a time and did SFA to contribute. He want working at the time.
It came to a head when one evening I came home from work and he had put his empty plastic packaging on top of a tied refuse bag and the kitchen was messy and the dishwasher not filled
It was the last straw of his entitlement and disrespect and of course, I know I didn't need a reason to end the relationship.
I had had a back injury and he would have known I couldn't the refuse bag into the main refuse bin.
I snapped. That was it. I had enough.
He still tells people that I broke up with him because he left his empties on the top of my bin .
Was I too hasty or is this actually reasonable ?

Absolutely.

I'm also seeing a lot of threads on over the last year where the wives are doing the majority of the domestic load aswell as full time work and parenting. The husbands don't see why they need to pitch in as their hours are longer.
My story was that I worked full time from 8-4.
He left at7, home at 7.

Sorry posted too soon. My exh..
I wasn't allowed to job share.
He walked out the door in his big work boot and woke the house.
He went over and above for his employers and left me with out three kids to do everything.
He berated me For sitting down at eight when I asked him to go up to kids to say goodnight.
He did now and again... and went on his phone while sitting beside him.
We're separated now .
My kids have absolutely no time for their father and do t really see him despite encouragement.
Their selfishness destroys them eventually.

It never ceases to amaze me how these men accuse women of not being into sex. Lazy selfish and inconsiderate isn't great foreplay.

My ex complained about my lack of interest when he cheated on me with several women over the years. Lies and deceit don't float my boat.

Oh god, H does this, leaves his chair out. If he deigns to wipe the table after a meal he pulls all 6 chairs out and leaves them out. He seems to be making some sort of statement I'm not sure if it's look how amazingly helpful I am, or a pissed off if you don't wipe the table (because I'm busy rushing round doing everything else) then you must suffer the consequences.

The big things smash you, but if they're not so often you can convince yourself they're one offs, excusable, the little things wear away at you, eat at you, the constant endless you're not worth the little bit of the time and energy it would take them to behave like a decent partner.

The not fully clean dishes he puts in the cupboards, the moody behaviour, him getting himself ready while I deal with four kids, then him snapping at me because we're not ready when he suddenly decides he wants to leave right away, 20 minutes earlier than planned. Being pushed past, being expected to want sex after struggling not to cry because of his nasty behaviour that morning. Being blamed for everything even when he got his way. The dishes and clothes and shoes left for me to clean up, strewn everywhere, being treated like a servant. Watching his shows because he makes it so uncomfortable watching mine. The endless complete exhaustion and burn out because he's so nasty when tired that you take on all the nights and 4am starts yourself. I could go on.

You have just described my
Marriage ...
He was well able to fix things and was amazing to all his friends or any one who would validate him .
I remember telling my counsellor that he refused point blank to fix a toilet, fix a shower and fix a lightbulb.
These three things I literally could not do.
He left them for months unfixed and I wasn't allowed to hire a plumber.
It seemed the more I pushed , the longer he left it.
My counsellor believed it was punishment and control.
As for sex, he once suggested I wasn't attracted to him as I couldn't stomach the thought of him. I remember thinking ... this is about the only thing we agree on.
Pest.

I often wondered if it was some kind of punishment OP. Punishment for what though?

Complete pretend incompetence with anything he couldn’t be arsed with or didn’t want to do… I.e decorating or fixing things badly, cleaning badly or cooking badly because he didn’t want to do it. He could do it all to a good standard if he chose to. Holds down a responsible job.

Oh god @Teaandtoast3 this is my problem exactly. My husband is very dedicated to his job. He’s professional and meticulous but the shit he pulls at home boils my piss.

Most of our plates and bowls are chipped because he virtually throws them into the cupboards when unloading the dishwasher. If I pull him up on it he’ll just huff and say “but I want to get it done quickly!” Subtext being “I don’t want to do it!”

He’ll sort out clean washing but give the wrong things to the wrong person and claim it’s too hard to know the difference.

Best of all, when we needed to repaint a newly plastered ceiling after a water leak, he went out to the garage to get some white paint. I walked in to find him painting the ceiling beige. I told him that clearly wasn’t white paint. So he went out again. Came back again to find him painting the ceiling pale blue. When I told him it still wasn’t white paint, like was like “meh, paint is paint”.

I absolutely lost my shit. If it was an attempt at making sure I ever asked him to paint a thing again, he succeeded. Weaponised incompetence is real. We had a bare plaster ceiling in another room for seven years until my dad offered to do it.

As a flip side, I can remember the 'first straw' with a partner I lived with in the '80s, at a time when the govt was giving a years allowance of about the same amount as dole money, it was to help people set up a small business and came with support around bookkeeping etc. He got this allowance but spent all day watching TV including watching Neighbours twice (this is when it was on lunchtimes and early evening). He moaned about not having any money as the scheme paid just enough to cover basics. I worked full time in a garden centre and they needed some temporary help over one weekend to change the layout, so suggested it to him as a way of getting a bit of extra cash. He turned up on day 1, didn't pull his weight in any way which was hugely embarrassing as I had recommended him to my boss, then on the next day said he couldn't go in as he had hurt his back from the previous day's activity, though he has full range of movement and showed no sign of pain. Again embarrassing for me as work was one albeit useless person down.
The 'first straw' came a couple of months later when the govt scheme ended and he had nothing to show for it: he blamed it all on that one weekend, never mind the complete lack of effort for the other 363 days.
I literally felt all of my respect for him drain away at that moment.
There were many other straws (Inc me working full time but being expected to do housework shopping cooking cleaning as he was working on his business plans' but that was the first and the relationship was over within the year.

God I feel ever word you’ve written… it’s soul destroying!

Mine was on my 39th birthday, woke up to a shit card and a promise to ‘take me away for a weekend at some point’ but nothing booked, no babysitting sorted etc so was never going to happen unless I organised it myself.

I was clearly annoyed so he said he’d make me breakfast in bed - he can back up with a white coffee with sugar and a bacon sandwich with bread and ketchup. We’d been together 13 years, married nearly 10. HE liked white coffee with sugar and bread bacon sandwiches with ketchup. I drink black coffee and have bacon sandwiches on toast with brown sauce.

I just realised how little he did for me, how little he noticed me and how little he cared.

My life is so much better now

2 days post emergency c-section, I ended up discharging myself because the toddler at home wasn't coping (he wasn't looking after him properly). He came in the morning and handed over the bag of clothes that he had taken home on the day I was admitted, crumpled and covered in stains from labour. He then left because he had 'other things to do' and couldn't be arsed waiting for the discharge paperwork. then he refused to come back to collect me. Pre-debit card days and I had no money for a taxi. I had to get a bus home, in agony in dirty crumpled clothes.
When I came through the door he said " Thank fuck you're back, it's your turn to cook"

My god. These are awful.

How appalling. Sending love to you x

@reesewithoutaspoon I was reading that thinking no way can this possibly be true. What a piece of shit.

There were several little things that wrecked my last relationship. One of them was when we were travelling home from London, we got off the tube and I felt a smack on my face. It was 2 guys that got in an argument and one had hit me by accident.

I was in shock and my ex asked what was wrong. I told him and he seemed sympathetic.

Not long after that he was trying to snog and grope me. I was not in the mood and told him so. He got stroppy and accused me of blaming him.

I don't know what was going through his mind. I wanted to be on my guard in case it happened again.

Sadly I still stayed with him for another couple of years.

Sadly true and one among many seriously selfish things he did. It was 30 years ago. I was young and stupid, I had kind of ignored the other shit he did that showed he didn't really care, but there was no making excuses for that one.

@reesewithoutaspoon what doesn't break you eh!

My ex-DH made me a cup of tea in bed every single day. Which made me think no matter any other issues we may have, there was solid caring underpinning our marriage. The straw was one of the dads from school reaching out to let me know my ex-DH was sleeping with his wife.

Mine used to leave cupboard doors open (as well as dirty dishes and all sorts of other things) - that used to be fun coming home after a night shift into the kitchen 🙄🙄 The tw@ also used to bounce up and down on the bed getting ready in the morning and slam drawers, waking me up, but apparently could not do anything like prep his stuff the night before (like I did) and get ready in the bathroom as it was (and I quote) "the way I have always done it".
Regarding when pulling him up on NEVER doing anything with our DD other than sitting on the sofa with his phone "it's not my job to entertain her".
He has been an ex for 18 months now, there is miles more I could list which are seemingly minor, and although life is not perfect, I am enjoying being on my own with just me and my little girl.

@reesewithoutaspoon That is one of the worst things I have ever heard. I hope you have been happy in the ensuing years.

My mum calls this “bread & milk” syndrome

She worked ft in a job with higher pay & longer hours than my dad but when she got home he’d say “did you get any bread/milk?” even though he got home 3 hours earlier & the shop was 5 mins away

there were many reasons their marriage failed but she always said to me “don’t put up with bread & milk syndrome”

Aww

Quite. He's written a whole book about it and how to do better in relationships.

I hadn’t realised he wrote a book. That’s good to know. Reading several post you can tell who has never read the article. I read the comments on the article when I stumbled across it and some still didn’t seem to get it or were making it more about how his ex-wife should have just taken care of it if all these “little” things bothered her so.