Did any of you have a ' I divorced him because he left his cup in the sink ' moment?

[bingoagain]

Not sure if that's the exact title of the article but basically it was an article where the wife divorced him because she had enough of his laziness and disrespect despite many pleas for equality and support.
Well, I've just done this and I hope I haven't jumped the gun.
He stayed at my home for days on end and then it ramped up to weeks at a time and did SFA to contribute. He want working at the time.
It came to a head when one evening I came home from work and he had put his empty plastic packaging on top of a tied refuse bag and the kitchen was messy and the dishwasher not filled
It was the last straw of his entitlement and disrespect and of course, I know I didn't need a reason to end the relationship.
I had had a back injury and he would have known I couldn't the refuse bag into the main refuse bin.
I snapped. That was it. I had enough.
He still tells people that I broke up with him because he left his empties on the top of my bin .
Was I too hasty or is this actually reasonable ?

One was when XH had cheated on me but we were trying to make it work. We were living separately but he had to entertain some clients - so I gave him the house (to maintain normality for his business) while I did a night shift. I was desperate for him back so left homemade food, fancy crockery, towels/toiletries thinking he would realise how awesome and supportive I was. I came home to dirty plates, glasses and crumpled wrappers everywhere and skids in the loo. No appreciation or thank you...just literal shit for me to clear up. Told me everything. He didn't understand my change of mind the next day.

Another ex used to sleep in until 3-4pm on his days off. I indulged this because he earned 10x my salary so he told me it was allowed. I did 100% of housework and at least 50% of bills. One weekend I tried to ask him to meet me downstairs at 11 so we could go out to something I had booked. He emerged around 1pm and started fiddling with his car...I went out by myself and when I got back I confronted him and he blamed me for rushing him and told me I was a henpecker for making demands!! Fanny drier than the Sahara but took a while to get the ducks in a row.

I’d have thrown them out of the front door.

But I have been known to throw a toothbrush in the shower or bath, when it’s left in the wash basin every day, without fail. Why in the wash basin?

Who knows, there is a toothbrush holder. Perhaps he likes soap on his tooth brush.

Dont get me onto the subject of dishwasher stacking

@WhereYouLeftIt I've been suspecting the same!

Trying to make it all your issue is called blame-shifting or gaslighting if he makes you question yourself or makes you feel like you’re going crazy. He is an abusive, passive-aggressive cocklodger and you made a great escape. Well done!

Yep my straw if you like was my ex had coeliac disease and sometimes had accidents.... This one time he had one in bed (his side always had a waterproof pad under the sheet as he said it was comfier to sleep on) well he worked nights and got up during the day and whilst I was making the bed I saw it and asked him to quickly give me a hand to change the sheets and he said oh it doesn't matter why does it need changing it only a little bit knowing he was going to work and I would have to sleep in a bed with poo stains (tmi I know). I said fine and changed the bedding myself it was like he had no respect for me and thought it was OK to leave it like that for me. Needless to say a few months after we split due to various other reasons aswell but that always has stuck with me.

@SeriouslyMaybe I’m with you. This is going to be the year I leave too. My final straw was 6pm on the 19th December. Our DS was very sick. Fine now thankfully. Our GP had just seen him and contacted paediatric ward of hospital to get him admitted. I was worried, tearful and tired and stopped briefly up home to grab phone and a few bits and to bring home chips for our other DC as I knew he was so hopeless and selfish that he wouldn’t make any effort to feed/look after them. As we were getting ready the tight f••ker stood shouting at me in front of sick DCs for spending some money from our joint bank account. I usually pay for everything. He didn’t say goodbye and then huffed and never rang or made contact to check if DS was ok while he was in hospital.

He can be a good father by times but he’s a crap husband

I’m glad your band is ok. ‘D’Hs can be so disappointing.

My ex partner was incredibly mean with money, didn’t look after himself, was a happy-go-lucky chap to everyone else but a miserable fucker to me. But worst of all, was that he had to be cajoled into any domestic task. Project managed at best, begged at worst. But he had one meal that he had to cook a week, that he would act like he was on Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen whilst trying to make it.

It was Sainsbury’s fucking ravioli and microwaveable pasta sauce. Every fucking time. He would use every pot and pan because he knew I would clean up afterwards. And even then, he managed to fuck it up and make orange slop.

I would ask him to try something new and he would cry (seriously) that he couldn’t cook, was anxious and liked it. He made me feel awful.

4 years of orange slop.

One day my bowl of orange slop was put down in front of me by a sweaty moaning man. I binned it, the bowl as well and immediately detached. He ran after me and spent the whole month crying his pyjamas and sending me mopey texts. I moved into the the spare room for some space. We were broken up within the month.

I was working full time, paying 50 percent of the bills, doing 120 percent of the household stuff (minus orange slop duties) and for what? An apathetic man who didn’t love me, and didn’t love me enough to google a half decent recipe and work together to tidy the kitchen.

Life is too short for orange slop.

My new husband is an amazing cook, lover, friend and partner. So pleased I said NO to slop.

@PolarBlair @WarmWillowLeafy that made me chuckle. Funnily enough one day there was a 16 or so page thread in here about men and shoe liberties issues so I showed it to him so he could see it wasn't just me having unreasonable demands. Our two DS 6 and 3 put shoes away without any problem but, as another pp said re loading in the dishwasher, he'd always have an excuse..."didn't have time" (the 30 seconds it takes to move shoes from right in front of the front door and put them aside or 35 seconds and into the shoe cupboard!) Or "on his way back outside" but would still be in the house 45 mins later.
Anyway, it's still early-ish days but I opted out. So this is now a thing of the past but this thread has been self validating.
For me, unless there was a medical condition that meant he didn't understand or couldn't comprehend my basic ask to not leave the bowl full of milk and cereal remnants in plain view every day I had not choice but to finally interpret his choice as a big 'up yours' to me.

Way, way back. We had been together 7 years, married 4 and 2 children (1 and 20).

He asked where we were going for our 4th anniversary. I said, "wherever you like, I'm not organising anything, I'm fed up of it all being on me. He looked surprised/shocked and said "oh ok!"

Later he said "be ready at 7 on x date".

I was ready. We were hanging around waiting, I wasn't sure what for until he said. "What time is the babysitter coming?" I replied "What time did you book her for?" He just looked at me

So, I called her and luckily she could come straight away. He went to pick her up. We went out, and he took us to a local hotel where reps stay. Cheapest hotel locally that, although it has a restaurant, it is rarely used by anyone that isn't staying there. I refused to go in. We ended up at a local italian restaurant. We ate without really speaking.

That was our 4th wedding anniversary and I knew then it was when, not if. We stayed together another 6 years. It wasn't all bad, and so long as I did everything and carried all the emotional and administrative load, without complaint, things muddled along. Despite me also working full time once the DC were at school.

Finally managed to set him up with the friend of a friend. AND get him to leave me. He wouldn't have left easily under any other circumstances.

By then this was the mid 80s. I have never once missed him. I missed being part of a couple at times, I missed the future I had planned but HIM, not one bit, ever.

Some of these are horrendous... particularly those who blatantly do not love or did not love their partners in life and who watched them struggling so much despite having the ability to help.
Love being an all describing term which should reflect respect, compassion, empathy and generosity.

Love?..., my backside.

The thread weaving through the majority of these posts is selfish men.

We owe it to our children to lead by example, but despite so many on here saying you should choose the fathers of your children well, if we could have predicted that this would have been our future; they would have been fucked out the door like those bloody shoes should have been, a few posts back.

Kids 1 and 2 not 1 and 20 ffs

We didn't live together but, every single time he came to mine, I'd cook him a really nice dinner, he never ever cooked for me.He didn't do anything for my birthday. During lockdown, there was an artist on my local FB page who was offering to do free portraits for essential workers. He complained that he was working harder than ever, even tho he wasn't doing a technically essential job, so I messaged her to see if she'd do a painting for him. She graciously agreed.

I was so happy to do a nice thing for him, to make him feel appreciated, but I just didn't get anything back in return. I d make him a nice dinner, he'd eat it and then just go home. Final straw was, there was a cat that used to sleep on the roof of his soft top car, and left fur on it. He was going to get a gun to shoot it. When I realised he was serious about killing the cat, I decided I couldn't be with someone so cold and violent anymore.

I'm getting Warcof the Roses vibes here reading everyone's post. I certainly recognise that seething resentment. It's a cross between dispising a characteristic/behavior and utterly rage.

The fact that he has sleep apnea and has been told his been recorded as the loudest snorer in the town but he still won’t use his machine correctly. Wouldn’t even get diagnosed until he woke himself up snoring… didn’t care that he kept me up snoring for years.

The fact that all nice surprises were soured. He would run a nice bath for me but have a massive shit in the same room first. Or he would say he was going to do something but it would be in his own time… basically whatever I asked for came last.

Complete pretend incompetence with anything he couldn’t be arsed with or didn’t want to do… I.e decorating or fixing things badly, cleaning badly or cooking badly because he didn’t want to do it. He could do it all to a good standard if he chose to. Holds down a responsible job.

The fact that he rarely called me by my name. I was mummy, wife, boss but rarely me. I did feel relegated to ‘job titles.’

The fact that whenever I told him his behaviour had upset me he asked for examples from the past… knowing I have a shit memory because of an illness.

The fact that no matter how much I said what pleased and upset me he never learnt from the experience. It was always repeated.

That the children would walk past him to me to ask for whatever they needed.

Would never listen to my advice. Only ever listened to friends or colleagues… which was often the same advice but I always felt dismissed.

Told him for years what I would like as a present (10 to be exact) and NEVER received one of them till the Christmas after we split.

He finally got it then. It mounts up. Ironically we are getting on better as friends than we ever did as a couple but it’s still early days. Go figure! Don’t think I ever want another relationship or marriage though!

I’m sure there’s a tonne more but I have terrible memory. There is however a book written by the same man that wrote that article. It’s called “This is how your marriage ends.”

I think the cup is a physical representation of a lack of respect.

Divorcing someone who doesn't respect you is a very sensible thing to do.

bingoagain Yes I had one of those. I ended a 7 year relationship because he didn't clean the toilet once after having a poo.

I had a horrendous birth injury after baby 2 & was suffering with double incontinence & constipation & also had a semi-toilet trained 3 year old. So my days were full of dirty pads, dirty nappys, cleaning toilets after myself or my 3 year old (sorry to be graphic but in short I spent most of my day either on the toilet or cleaning it!)

He liked to sit on the toilet for an hour before work instead of helping me & this one day I went to the bathroom shortly after he'd left for work & the state of the thing, he'd obviously had an explosive poo & it had gone all up the back onto the rim.

I lost it with him over txt & told him how I don't need to clean up his shit as well as everybody else's in the house. He does nothing before he leaves & nothing when he comes home & he couldn't even clean the toilet today.

He sent me a photo of himself holding the toilet brush at his works toilet, big grin, showing me that he's perfectly happy to clean ANY toilet, apart from ours.

He then apparently told everybody that I ended things because he didn't clean the toilet once as if it was a tiny speck of poo that he'd missed.

H literally walks past the dishwasher to put his bowl in the sink. I sent him that article and it was all how dare I stress him out like that and how petty I was.

Planning to leave in the next couple months. So many things on this thread that could be H, a thousand cuts getting worse over the course of a decade. The last straw was actually a while ago, struggling to leave, both to tell him and also SEN DC, money, chronic illness, gaslighting. The little things have really hurt over the years, it was always petty of me to bring them up, if it was something big he'd turn it around and start accusing me of all sorts.

The last straw was actually pretty big, I told him I needed some space and time to feel safe around him after he lost it and screamed and kicked things (objects but still scary) and his response was that I should get over it and I was horrible for trying to make him feel bad about it. We haven't had a relationship since. The little things remind me what a head fuck it is, I used to feel so furious because it hurt, now mostly it's role of the eyes because I'm done and I won't have to put up with it much longer, it does matter anymore.

Think this is the one you mean:
www.google.com/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288/amp

Yes I have one of those moments. He was sitting on the sofa and he lifted his feet so I could hoover under where they had been. He didn't even move his eyes away from his phone. Just lifted and put them back down again when I had moved past.

Years of being the one to do the housework, tears, begging, even going to couples counselling to try to get him to understand I needed help. I knew then he would never change.

He still doesn't understand why we've separated. I've made this decision out of the blue, no warning. Poor man.

After years of issues/abuse we booked to do 3 days in Disneyland Paris. I said (to myself) if he ruins this for the kids I'm leaving him. Sure enough he did so I checked out of the marriage but was too scared to physically leave. 6 months later he left me to 'teach me a lesson' , his plan was that I would realise what I was missing. I changed the locks and never looked back.

My last straw was that I could feel him watching me make a cup of tea. He was very controlling and tight with money, and would bollock me if I put too much water in the kettle.
Like every one, this was after years of disrespect, laziness, selfishness etc. He didn't feel like going to work, he would sleep in until the afternoon. He would spend hours playing games. He wouldn't bother showering or cleaning his teeth. I mean, what a catch.
He would walk into a room, take the blanket off of me and put it on himself. It was so cold in the house, you could see your own breath in the air.
I could feel myself tense up whenever he walked into a room. He had a temper, and would break things, or kick things in, or punch holes in things. I'm glad that I don't have to live with any of that any more.

He also messaged me for sex after we'd separated. He said that even though we weren't together any more, he thought that we could still make each other happy. I didn't even want sex when we were together, so I definitely didn't want it now. Just goes to show what he thought of me.

I became chronically ill towards the end. He said that he didn't want to be looking after a disabled person. He would get angry at me, and tell me to snap out of it.

For the life of me I couldn’t remember the last time he’d made me laugh or even smile. I spent close to 3 years being sporadically cheated on, controlled, put 2nd to his plans or friends and stealthily demeaned by his family but it was that thought that snapped me out of his fog, I hadn’t smile or laughed with him for that long I couldn’t remember when the last time was.

Every man mentioned in this thread will be telling everyone his marriage ended out of the blue...they will have learned nothing.

Well done to every woman on this thread for getting away.

My final straw was that my ex never, ever put his chair back when he left the dining table. Presumably he thought of me as his own personal valet. There were serious issues but this was the straw.