Did any of you have a ' I divorced him because he left his cup in the sink ' moment?

[bingoagain]

Not sure if that's the exact title of the article but basically it was an article where the wife divorced him because she had enough of his laziness and disrespect despite many pleas for equality and support.
Well, I've just done this and I hope I haven't jumped the gun.
He stayed at my home for days on end and then it ramped up to weeks at a time and did SFA to contribute. He want working at the time.
It came to a head when one evening I came home from work and he had put his empty plastic packaging on top of a tied refuse bag and the kitchen was messy and the dishwasher not filled
It was the last straw of his entitlement and disrespect and of course, I know I didn't need a reason to end the relationship.
I had had a back injury and he would have known I couldn't the refuse bag into the main refuse bin.
I snapped. That was it. I had enough.
He still tells people that I broke up with him because he left his empties on the top of my bin .
Was I too hasty or is this actually reasonable ?

I'm sorry but that's made me howl. What was he reading the argos for?

Mine was that he told me to move my (old, crappy) car off the drive so he could park there.

It was absolutely the last straw. Death by a thousand cuts indeed - some of them massive cuts rather than the teeny annoyances. But yeah, him walking in and scowling at me to move the car was it.

When I did tell exh i wanted to split on the yoghurt day, he just agreed to it as though it was a six of one half a dozen of the other thing. Then made the process of divorce incredibly difficult for maximum damages to all concerned.

Wanna play Dickhead Top Trumps, OP?
I used to serve my ex his dinner... directly on his stomach. He used his beachball for a stomach as his table as he slumped on the sofa watching TV for hours and hours, eventually falling asleep in front of it (while life burned down all around him. The kids and I could have been mauled and eaten by the dog and the cats- more likely by the cats. He wouldn't have noticed until his next meal.).
It was many things... many, many things. But I remember the very last meal that I served him on his stomach-as-table and the 'what the fuck am I even doing?' that ran through my head like a freight train.

Argos catalogue I think

Xrays... and you haven't set foot inside an Argos for 15 years, I bet! 😁

My sister is seperating from her husband. It was a small action which cemented this. In a line of small but shitty actions. So from her experience and what others have said it seems common. Life's too short to be with somone like this.

When my ex wasn't talking to me he'd create an argument on Wednesday then go to work and not come back till Sunday night because he needed clothes for work. Block me on his phone and social
Media so I couldn't contact him at all. I'd literally be left with no contact.

I felt too ashamed to talk to my parents etc about it and we lived miles from them at the time.

He'd ignore me and not say a word for weeks. And I mean not a word to me or our daughter.

I remember one new year he wasn't talking to me and went upstairs for the whole Christmas and new year. Didn't say a word to me. Just put my dinner on the table with his and started eating it. I sat down and ate mine and he said nothing.

It was so awkward and awful.

I had my mat leave money which was fuck all really and he'd be out for days.

I saved and left.

I felt so lonely. I was on my own a lot so I used all my mat pay on petrol travelling to see my parents. He even had a go at me about that saying it wasn't budgeted for. But he was smoking, going on benders every week.

I'm ashamed it took me so long to cop on. I wish I'd discover here before I left him. I'd of left so much sooner.

Kind of. My DP and I ended up in therapy because he wouldn’t do the washing up.

I mean obviously it wasn’t just that - but his complete blindness towards any chores or anything that didn’t just benefit him was one of the reasons we went. I often tell people we spent £240 (four sessions) on getting him to realise he had to pull his fucking weight.

he does now but if he slipped back into his previous mode, I would leave him over a cup in the sink.

I've had a few could have been "the final straw" moments but we're not there yet.
My sister says she knows I'll leave dh one day. I'm not 100% but have a friend who says just one day I'll know. Something will happen and I'll just feel enough is enough.
My dh isn't lazy at all but he is selfish. And in nearly 20 years he hasn't bothered to realise some things are just important to me. I want to be remembered and thought of. I want him to take the kids to choose me something for mothers day or my birthday. He actually forgot my birthday when we were on holiday once even though 2 days before I'd stopped outside a card shop and told him to take the kids on. On the actual day I waited til we were at lunch by the beach and raised a toast to myself. He didn't apologize, just said he'd had a lot on his mind! We were on a holiday I'd taken full responsibility for and he hadn't got a damn thing to think about!
He'll ask me to empty the dishwasher and no matter what I'm doing if I don't leap into action immediately I get told off.
Was our kid's birthday yesterday and he was watching sport on TV with a beer whilst I got kids ready to go out. He moaned about the cost of their birthday party on Saturday but I booked and paid for it!
I'm not at breaking point but it will be a seemingly petty "he didn't wish me good luck" for a job interview or something.
Well, that was cathartic!

This thread is comforting.
Cereal bowl full of milk and left over cereal beside the sink everyday. Asked maybe 300 times over the years for it not to be left there. Put out of sight or in the dishwasher please. Nope, every single day beside the sink.
Same with shoes right left right in front of the door so anyone coming in will trip. Large porch with both built in shoe cupboard and coat closet with tons of space for shoes. I tried for ages to understand but couldnt be bothered.
Second the pp who mentioned the lay ins when you're looking forward to one but nope it would be always me getting up early despite working multiple jobs. On the occasions he did get up early there would be lots of performative mutterings to DS about letting me rest.

Over Christmas I let it slide off and didny comment knowing I don't have to deal with it anymore.

100% reasonable.

He proved your opinion of him by spreading tales about your unreasonablesness.

I remember the first time I read that blog post and it was like a slap around the face. I was a SAHM to a “difficult” toddler and I absolutely hated my life (since diagnosed as autistic which proved that there really was a reason why Past Me found life so hard… it wasn’t that I was simply a defective mother or anything).

Anyway, my husband used to leave early for work and would leave his cereal bowl/mug above the dishwasher. Not in the dishwasher. Above it.

So I complained to him about it. I said it was lazy. He said - and I’ll always remember this - but I don’t have time in the mornings!

I think as the words left his mouth he realised he was being a knob.

Anyway, I sent him that blog and he was upset by it. Saying did I think he was being disrespectful to me on purpose (I didn’t). He started putting his breakfast stuff in the dishwasher after that.

They're all coming back to me thick and fast and yes this thread is comforting because it IS the straw that breaks the camels back that sends us into the stratosphere .
When I was unwell and needed support and added it into yet another reason for finishing it , he concluded that because I didn't ask for help eg with visiting me, preparing some food and generally being a caring partner , I was completely unreasonable and he wasn't a mind reader.
I had had a hysterectomy and was bed bound , caring for my kids single handedly .
He didn't even visit me such was his tantrum. Looking back, I suppose he wasn't being minded and fed.

This man I had cared for for months after a very serious medical condition to the detriment of my own health and family.

I'm finding these replies strangely cathartic.

Yes, the straw that broke the camel's back was him laying on the sofa (not unusual it was his default position) whilst I ran round getting dc sorted for school and preparing the house for new central heating to be fitted. When I asked if he was going to give me a hand he said he had no interest in any of it so wouldn't be doing anything.
Was the best thing I have ever done, five years now and it is blissful and so much easier now I'm not carrying him as well.

He missed my friends wedding speeches as he was watching cricket on the field opposite.... was just the final straw of many though !!

It's really that last little thing that makes you go bang.
My exH didn't lift a finger for the whole of our 20 year marriage. He lived for free in my house, kept giving up his job, was a sex pest and spent every week doing his hobbies.
I took 2 days off work annual leave because the place was a pigsty as he had been off work for a while. I scrubbed everything, mowed the grass, weeded the garden almost killed myself sorting out the place while he did bugger all.
Went to work the next day and came back to find lard liberally spattered over the whole kitchen. He had cooked a big fry up and couldn't be bothered to find the saucepan lid and put it on.
I went absolutely mental and that was the end of it.

Oh I have so many of these with my ex.

1. Never ever picking me up from work as he was 'too tired' from his 35 hour a week job, despite me regularly working 12+ hour days Monday to Friday, weekends as well as I basically jumped at any overtime I could get, so that I could pay the rent, bills and HIS car as he didn't earn enough to split everything down the middle and he refused to work overtime to boot!

1. Two days before payday, I asked if I could borrow £60 so I could buy a concert ticket to see my favourite band as they went on sell the next morning. His response was 'if you can't afford it, then you shouldn't go'

1. I was put on antidepressants, it affected my sex drive. He then made me feel guilty, and when I did have sex out of misplaced obligation, he then had a pop that 'I wasn't that into it'

1. Coming home from Saturday overtime to dishes that had supposedly been cleaned, still covered in food. I lost the plot and chucked the frying pan at his head. Was told I was being unreasonable

1. Would talc himself after a shower, I'd ask him to clean the floor after. Never did. I would have to clean it on my hands and knees with a damp cloth as a mop wouldn't get everything up.

1. Was rude to every single one of my friends

1. Decided to do a date night at home. I made a three course dinner, dressed up and did my hair and make up. When he came through the door, he laughed at me. 10+ years on that still stings even now :(

Fuck me, he was an absolute dickhead. Guess I shouldn't feel too guilty I ended up cheating on him and leaving him just before Christmas 😬

We split in 2020 after he lost his job offer due to Covid and I finally realised how fucking selfish he is.

• I was working, he wasn't, I was still doing at least 50% of the childcare/school runs and probably 80% of the housework

• I went to get a flu jab, was gone less than an hour, came back and he was huffy that he'd had to deal with the 2 kids by himself

• once when I was working (from home) he asked me to stop working to watch the kids while he made dinner, as if I hadn't had to make dinner whilst watching the kids by myself seventy billion fucking times

• he would frequently call in work sick for small things like feeling a bit dizzy or a headache but wouldn't ever take time off to look after the kids when I was ill. Not forgetting one time I had a stomach bug whilst being heavily pregnant, I still remember him swanning out the door whilst I was puking my guts up and toddler dc was crying

• we had run out of money for the month so my mum kindly bought the dc some much needed shoes and a few days later he came home with an expensive gadget

• but the FINAL straw was when I used some cheese in the fridge to make ds2 a cheese sandwich for preschool, totally reasonable I thought, no, dh had a go at me because that was "his" cheese

I'm also finding this thread very cathartic...

Can I ask how your SO reacted when you finally exploded?
Were you painted as a psycho/ unreasonable or did they turn it around on you?

Can’t even stand the logo 😳😆

Not a clue! He just use to look at all the random shit he might ever want to buy! He used to take it into the toilet with him too. 🙄🤢😆

I think you've made the right decision.
💐💐💐

I hope you put his fucking shoes in the bin and when he asks where they are you can act surprised they're not on the shoe rack. Because you are surprised they're not on the shoe rack

Def reasonable. Well done OP.

What a waster!