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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wondering how to refer to my sister's daughter now?

237 replies

LoveMyPiano · 07/01/2023 20:56

I always referred to her as my niece - but she is going into a sort of non-gender stage..... Her name is a very neutral one now. But I still cannot stop referring to her (them??) as my niece. Relation/ships are usually gender specific, and a bit hard to avoid using I have found, but I really don't want to offend. It is the "non-gender" bit that is causing me some difficulty.
Help......

OP posts:
Shoemadlady · 07/01/2023 20:57

Why don't you just ask her what she'd like you to call her?

UrsulaPandress · 07/01/2023 20:58

Maybe nooph?

Antst · 07/01/2023 20:58

For some reason, I'm not a fan of the word, "niebling," but that's the word that will solve your problem! It's like "sibling" for nieces and nephews.

CakeCrumbs44 · 07/01/2023 20:58

Could you ask her or your mum what they would prefer?

I sort of think if you're talking to a friend or acquaintance who is never going to meet this person, just call them your niece of the same of convenience. It's a technicality and not really worth going into for a brief conversation, and they (your niece and the person you're talking to) would never know. I don't know if that's acceptable to non binary people, however, so maybe best to just ask.

CakeCrumbs44 · 07/01/2023 20:59

Antst · 07/01/2023 20:58

For some reason, I'm not a fan of the word, "niebling," but that's the word that will solve your problem! It's like "sibling" for nieces and nephews.

It won't really solve much as whoever she's talking to will probably say "WTF is a niebling" and that will be a whole other conversation!

fajitaaaa · 07/01/2023 20:59

Ask them

Athenen0ctua · 07/01/2023 21:01

Just say 'my sister's child'?

RiderOfTheBlue · 07/01/2023 21:01

Suspect this thread will have a short shelf life just like the similar one that was deleted a few minutes ago.

Original poster
LoveMyPiano · 07/01/2023 21:01

I don't see them - this is for when I am in conversation with another side of and wider family (some of whom are very limited in their views [LDS/Mormon]).

OP posts:
Useruser1 · 07/01/2023 21:01

Use niece.
If she's around, use her name

ZestFest · 07/01/2023 21:01

She's your niece. You will be doing her no favours by pretending otherwise. It's offensive to ignore reality and biological fact. That's where the actual damage lies.

GNR2022 · 07/01/2023 21:02

My sister’s child surely?

Whatthediddlyfeck · 07/01/2023 21:02

Would referring to them as “my sisters child” work?

Travis1 · 07/01/2023 21:03

Nibling is the gender neutral term.

Original poster
LoveMyPiano · 07/01/2023 21:04

RiderOfTheBlue · 07/01/2023 21:01

Suspect this thread will have a short shelf life just like the similar one that was deleted a few minutes ago.

I didn't see another one..... I don't see why this should be deleted though. Is it not a fair question in today's world (I wish she wasn't doing it though - fwiw.)

OP posts:
TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot · 07/01/2023 21:04

If she's not there I would use the word niece. She's the female child if your sibling whether she wants to be female or not, so it's the correct word.

If she is there when you're talking about her could you say "this is my sister's child" or something along those lines?

Or I think nibling is used by some people as a non sex specific word for nephew or niece.

Antst · 07/01/2023 21:04

@CakeCrumbs44, it's a pretty standard word in the US now and at some point, it'll probably take off here too!

The thing is, the OP wants a word that isn't going to confuse people outside the family who don't know anything about the individual. The family could come up with a special word of its own but then no one will understand that either. It's best to use the correct word and have to define it than to have to use a made-up word and still have to define it with a long story about the kid's particular situation.

With "niebling," the explanation can be "it means niece or nephew" and then it's over.

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 07/01/2023 21:05

Has she asked you not to use niece? If she hasn't then use niece.
If she has then ask what term she prefers.

Original poster
LoveMyPiano · 07/01/2023 21:05

Whatthediddlyfeck · 07/01/2023 21:02

Would referring to them as “my sisters child” work?

Hmm, maybe, I suppose then I would need to clarify as there are two - although the son is still nephew, so that's a bit simpler.

OP posts:
bellswithwhistles · 07/01/2023 21:05

She is your niece.

TheDietStartsTomorrowOrMaybeTheDayAfter · 07/01/2023 21:05

Useruser1 · 07/01/2023 21:01

Use niece.
If she's around, use her name

Thats what I’d do.

mrsfollowill · 07/01/2023 21:05

My sister has 2 boys- I often refer to my sister's eldest 'Alex' or sisters youngest 'Sam' - would that work? (Not their real names but that would work in this case)

MilkyYay · 07/01/2023 21:06

Niece. Its a description of a female sex offspring of your sibling, it describes that biological relationship not her self defined gender.

To her face/around her just use her name or dodge it with introductions like "Robin is my sister Tina's eldest".

bobbytorq · 07/01/2023 21:06

Stick with neice if your family is quite conservative. Nibling will mean nothing to anyone so I'd avoid that.

ArchieStar · 07/01/2023 21:06

Nibling is the correct term to use. It is the gender neutral term for niece or nephew. I don’t have a gender neutral one, but I do refer to them collectively as my niblings, as I like explaining what nibling means 😂