Page 3 | Friend re-selling gift ?

HunkieDorie · 2023-01-07T18:15:07+00:00

Tell me if I am! Or maybe oversensitive? I bought my friend's daughter a present for her birthday about 3 months ago and she is now selling it on Facebook to make money? I would rather have it back if she didn't like it so I could have it for my daughter. I am not angry just slightly a bit upset that she has thought so little of my gift?

Original poster

HunkieDorie · 07/01/2023 19:10

Would make sense if she just re gifted it to someone else, I would prefer that to be honest

OP posts:

pigsducksandchickens · 07/01/2023 19:14

Offer to buy it off her so she knows you've seen it?

girlmom21 · 07/01/2023 19:17

Why should your friend return or re-gift it? Her daughter will be the one getting the money from the sale as the item belongs to her. She's probably selling things she doesn't use to buy something she wants.

Cococomellon · 07/01/2023 19:17

I wouldn't offer to buy it OP. That seems a bit passive aggressive. Either say something or don't but she hasn't done anything wrong technically while I can see it's annoying.

Whatwhatwhatnow · 07/01/2023 19:19

HunkieDorie · 07/01/2023 19:10

Would make sense if she just re gifted it to someone else, I would prefer that to be honest

Why though? Sold or regifted, someone else will enjoy it and selling it is more of a guarantee that it's wanted!

Unfortunately I regularly regift or sell stuff people buy for DC. They have enough outfits to wear something different every day for a year - mostly given to us secondhand. So if I'm gifted something that won't suit or is impractical in some way (dungarees with no leg poppers I'm looking at you), or a toy that doesn't get played with, what's the purpose in keeping it? It's not giving us pleasure, which defeats the point of it, and I can use the money to get something DC does need.

I do think very gratefully towards the friend who thought of us though.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 07/01/2023 19:21

Shame her and buy it off her for £3 🤣🤷‍♀️

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 07/01/2023 19:22

Well, I bet a lot of people do this but her mistake is putting it on FB for all her friends (including you) to see.....Vinted is more anonymous. I wouldn't take it too personally, just don't bother buying her daughter a gift next time.

pavillion1 · 07/01/2023 19:26

i wouldn't be selling it on FB knowing you can see it . that's hurtful.

PerpetualFailure · 07/01/2023 19:26

She won't mean any harm, just a little thoughtless. Don't let an otherwise good friendship be tarnished by this.

Threeboysandadog · 07/01/2023 19:27

How do you know it’s the one you gave her. Her daughter may have got an identical one for Christmas so, as she already has one she is selling it. How much did it cost if she is selling it for £3.

Original poster

HunkieDorie · 07/01/2023 19:29

Thanks @Talkwhilstyouwalk it was Facebook selling. Also she made a big thing out of how much she loved it ...

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 07/01/2023 19:37

I'd buy it for £3 and give it to my own DD. And I wouldn't stop for coffee when I went to pick it up.

Isthisit22 · 07/01/2023 19:40

PerpetualFailure · 07/01/2023 19:26

She won't mean any harm, just a little thoughtless. Don't let an otherwise good friendship be tarnished by this.

Exactly this.
People go on ridiculously about how grateful people should be for gifts on Mumsnet. There are plenty of times I haven't liked gifts, even from people close to me. I would never tell them, but may quietly regift, give away or sell.
If she wasn't that keen on your gift it is absolutely no rejection of you. No reason to get upset about it.

IWineAndDontDine · 07/01/2023 19:41

I hate the "technical" side of this argument. Sure its technically theirs to do what they want with... but you can't tell me you wouldn't be even slightly upset if you worked x amount of hours to buy a gift to show your appreciation to someone and they thrown it in the bin. It's a stupid argument and is reserved for unempathic people only. Don't say anything but don't buy them anything again.

Isthisit22 · 07/01/2023 19:42

HunkieDorie · 07/01/2023 19:29

Thanks @Talkwhilstyouwalk it was Facebook selling. Also she made a big thing out of how much she loved it ...

She will have being polite! Would you rather she'd have said she didn't like it?

redskydelight · 07/01/2023 19:42

HunkieDorie · 07/01/2023 19:29

Thanks @Talkwhilstyouwalk it was Facebook selling. Also she made a big thing out of how much she loved it ...

Would you have preferred her to say "thanks but I don't really like it?"

Gift giving/receiving is a minefield. you have to be grateful for the gift even if you don't like it or didn't want it. And now you apparently have to hang on to it forever so the giver isn't offended that you got rid of it

LadySweetPea · 07/01/2023 19:43

I think it's ok to pass on or sell gifts but it is incredibly insensitive to do so in a way that flags the giver. Very rude.

Original poster

HunkieDorie · 07/01/2023 19:43

I'm not expecting her to 'keep it forever' it's just the way it was done @redskydelight

OP posts:

Isthisit22 · 07/01/2023 19:46

IWineAndDontDine · 07/01/2023 19:41

I hate the "technical" side of this argument. Sure its technically theirs to do what they want with... but you can't tell me you wouldn't be even slightly upset if you worked x amount of hours to buy a gift to show your appreciation to someone and they thrown it in the bin. It's a stupid argument and is reserved for unempathic people only. Don't say anything but don't buy them anything again.

Ridiculous.
Are we all supposed to keep all gifts forever?
My daughters received over 30 gifts sometimes due to having birthday parties. Obviously some would miss the mark.
It does not make someone lacking in empathy to not like a gift.
Do agree that the mum should have disposed of it more discreetly though.
To all those saying they'd never buy her another present- how childish. Next time just give money/voucher or actually ask what the child wants.

redskydelight · 07/01/2023 19:47

HunkieDorie · 07/01/2023 19:43

I'm not expecting her to 'keep it forever' it's just the way it was done @redskydelight

So what are the acceptable ways to get rid of it?

Put it in a cupboard for 3 months? 6 months? a year? before selling?
Give it back to you explaining that they didn't really like it?
Ask a friend to sell it so that you won't know they have?
Give it to someone else?
Donate to a charity shop?

Original poster

HunkieDorie · 07/01/2023 19:48

@redskydelight yes exactly!

OP posts:

StarInTheHeavens · 07/01/2023 19:49

YABU once you give a gift, that's it. They can do what they want with it. Maybe they didn't think it was as nice as you did?

ElBandito · 07/01/2023 19:50

If it was 3 months ago then I expect she got another for Christmas and is selling that one. She's probably still got your one and if you say anything you will look a bit silly.

Puppers · 07/01/2023 19:50

Why do you give gifts? Is it so you can pay yourself on the back for being so generous and bask in the gratefulness of the recipient? Or is it because you genuinely want the recipient to benefit and you want to show them that you care? If the latter, I can't see how them selling or regifting the item would make a jot of difference. They can still appreciate the gesture of the gift and be grateful that you thought of them. If you want them to genuinely benefit from the gift, it would make no sense for you to want them to hang on to something that is not useful to them. Surely if they can benefit from the money instead that's only a good thing.

fajitaaaa · 07/01/2023 19:51

redskydelight · 07/01/2023 19:47

So what are the acceptable ways to get rid of it?

Put it in a cupboard for 3 months? 6 months? a year? before selling?
Give it back to you explaining that they didn't really like it?
Ask a friend to sell it so that you won't know they have?
Give it to someone else?
Donate to a charity shop?

Show quote history

Yes all those apart from 3 months I'd say 6 months minimum