To be jealous of my friend’s social housing house?

[Crankitcrew]

I have a house with a mortgage. I can barely afford to pay for repairs to the house. It’s falling apart.
My friend has recently moved into social housing and has a much more spacious house than mine, but the biggest reason I’m jealous is if anything goes wrong with the house it’s fixed by the housing association within days. No cost. She only pays a small contribution towards her rent. The rest is paid. She doesn’t work and claims PIP because she has PTSD and depression.

She and her partner are talking about getting some decking done in the garden and paying £600 for it. There’s no way on earth we could afford that, we can’t even afford to have the re plastering done that is falling off, not to mention the damp problem.

People say to me “well, at least you own your home” and “you can leave it to your children” but what if we never pay the mortgage off? What if we end up needing care and the money from the house goes to pay that instead? Which is what happened to my grandparents.

I saw getting on the property ladder a right of passage or something, but I now realise it’s not all it’s made out to be.

A lot of people with depression or PTSD work. Plenty full time.

The thread should stick to the pros and cons of mortgages or social housing since the above is not relevant.

You have no idea what conditions OP has.

Remember that when you retire you are still paying resent when you retire.
However when you pay mortgage it’s yours.
buying a house is a long term benefit. I am sure your friend would love the security that you have.

There is an ever decreasing list of things they actually do fix, and within a few days claim is laughable. As with anything public funded its very much the bare minimum now.

Rent not resent!! Apologies typo

People on benefits can definitely be approved more mortgages and other lending.

This is the only credible response I've seen. The rest are either strawmanning or had a nerve touched.

Perhaps like most people she bought it before interest rates radically increased.

🤦‍♀️

It's an interesting situation OP. I suppose the bigger question we need to ask is what do we want to give benefit claimants as tax payers. Should it be a minimum safety net of say shared accommodation or a high rise flat or should we care of the weakest in society? The proliferation of new build social housing on mixed estates does stir up mixed emotions. Especially when you have tax payers struggling to buy and maintain property yet those not working get a lovely house for free. I say that as someone going to look at a house with a pool that we can only afford as it's an absolute dump!

Should social housing even exist or should it be private rents with the money paid directly to landlords?

Should lifetime tenancy exist?

Should new build social housing me on mixed estates?

Should the bedroom tax exist?

Should all social housing be capped at 2/3/4 bedrooms?

The questions go on and on.

You are not really a friend are you...any decent friend would be pleased that their mate has a secure home to live in.

Mental health issues are certainly not fun to deal with. You should show a bit more compassion. Your friend was entitled to a house, good for her.

You also have a roof over your head and your own home. I suggest finding ways to earn more money if you are struggling. Comparing yourself to others and being jealous of what they have only brings misery.

I've got a council flat because of PTSD I got from being trafficked, plus physical injuries I got from the same that still affect me. I came here from a women's refuge. I work and pay rent and full council tax.

I've had my bedroom window taped up for the past two years since it broke and I'm waiting for the council to come and look at it never mind fix it. The oven doesn't work, I'm "on the list" for a new one. (I rent my oven from them- so I'm paying weekly for something I can't use.)

I'm never going to be able to buy a house. I'm in my 40s. It's just not going to happen. I'd prefer no trauma and a house of my own to this, but there we go, that's what life is like.

SH isn't 'free'. I pay almost £500pm for my 2 bed flat, which is market rent here.

I don't work (I'm disabled) but DH does. We've paid our rent for over 20 years. Do the maths - we've paid the council tens of thousands of pounds in rent over two decades. We could buy the flat for £17k but we don't because RTB is bollocks.

I'm sick to death of the idea that social housing = 'free ride'/workless households/benefit scroungers. We've contributed a small fortune to the coffers of our LA over the years. That's money that not only pays for the upkeep of our home, but to the building and maintenance of others. It's brilliant.

Oh and I got my home because I had lived in a refuge for months when I fled my previous (violent, abusive) relationship. I also have PTSD and as I said, disabilities. I claim no benefits.

If you want SH and are in housing need, you can apply. Nothing stopping you.

As for the OP, imagine being envious of someone with complex and crippling MH issues or inventing a situation to whip up benefit bashing froth on MN

Circumstances change? In our early fifties we went from two earned incomes to none, within a couple of months. DH had a massive heart attack, I got made redundant. I got another job, on lower pay, he only ever worked part time, minimum wage after his heart surgery. We hadn’t been extravagant with our house, but we sold it and bought a cheaper one to pay off the mortgage.

Fortunately our children weren’t dependent on us by then, but it put paid to the financial plans we had for our future.

PTSD and depression are treatable and there’s no reason she can’t get a job.
DH is a veteran and has lived with PTSD and depression for over 25 years. He’s only just been diagnosed (it was obvious to us but he had to realise it himself) and had treatment in the last 2 years (through a veterans charity). He worked even though inside his head he was a mess and he struggled every day. He had no choice as veterans usually end up homeless! No one wants to help them.

💐💐💐 to all those living with trauma/health issues on this thread who feel the need to defend themselves against the usual ignorant old bollocks threads like these attract.

See the thing is, for many many years now we have perpetuated this idea that the ultimate goal in life is to buy a house. That anything else is failure. You need only look at a snapshot of threads on here! Tenants are less than and the majority of homeowners are very happy for that status to continue so they can continue to feel superior.

Did your neighbours kid bounce a ball into your garden one time? Find out if they're mere tenants and report them to the landlord. That'll learn them. Can't save enough for a house deposit? You're lazy, get a 3rd job and stop drinking so many Starbucks.

It must suck to feel like you actually haven't won the ultimate prize after all, but this is how homeowners wanted it!

As others say, your friend is not well, and social housing is the best option for her, but not something most people aspire to. She's not in control and who knows what will change in coming years.

Having a mortgage has its own challenges. Our house costs a lot in maintenance too and it can be a bit depressing when you don't have enough for holidays and other treats. I also agree that you may spend your life working hard to pay off the mortgage, then have to sell it to fund your care in a nursing home. This has happened to several relatives of mine and so basically no inheritance when they died. It is upsetting, of course it is.

I hope things ease off financially for you and you can focus on the positives of being a home owner.

This! Focusing on what little comfort she has, which you lack, is making you ignore all that you have and which you can be grateful for. Comparing ourselves to others, focusing on what we lack (rather than what we have) is a recipe for unhappiness because no matter what or how much you have, you’ll always lack something and you’ll always find someone who has it. This will make you miserable.

Imagine having a beautiful friend with men throwing themselves at her feet. It’s easy to feel envious, compare & wish I’ve had the same. But now imagine that she’s had the most horrible of childhoods with abusive alcoholic parents who neglected her; and that you, on the other hand, had a stable, loving, caring and attentive family upbringing.

Which would you rather focus on: her good looks, or the fact that you should be grateful for the love you had as a child? It’s your choice. One will make you miserable and the other content.

Now apply the same logic to your situation: wouldn’t it be better to remind yourself of all the things that you have (and which she doesn’t), be content with the hand life has dealt you, and be happy for what life has dealt her?

How can you say that PTSD and depression are treatable when you don't know someone's personal circumstances? For some people it may be. Some will struggle with it all their lives.

Disability benefits aren't just handed out like sweeties you know. The hoops you need to jump through and the evidence you need to provide is mind boggling. I have rheumatoid arthritis (and other conditions). Some days I cannot get out of bed for the pain and fatigue the RA causes. Sometimes I need help to get to the bathroom because my feet hurt so much. But when I applied for PIP (just £20 a week) I was denied it because on the day of the evaluation I was able to walk the three minutes from the bus stop to the ATOS office, albeit with a stick. The person doing the evaluation asked me to spell 'rheumatoid' and didn't know what it was, or that it's a fluctuating disease, or that the immunosuppressant drugs I inject weekly for it completely wipe me out for days.

My point is - if someone's claiming these benefits, they're entitled to them. And if the assessor thinks there's any way possible they can wriggle out of paying them, they will.

I grew up in a council house, my mother still lives in it. Often they take days and weeks, even months for them to come out and repair things. We once had water pissing out the ceiling and it wasn't seen as urgent although it had blown the electrics. They leave jobs half finished. The bathrooms and kitchens out in the council are usually of low quality and fall apart. It's not all luxury like you make it sound like.

you have been fortunate enough to buy a house, not everyone has that chance.

like you I own my home and yes it does get pricey keeping on top of everything and fixing it but I wouldn't change it. I love my house, even if I am skint and have no spare money.

you don't sound much of a friend if you are envious or her getting a council home or the fact she doesn't work. I don't think you should be judging her. Maybe support her?

I used to feel like this. I privately rent and my friend is in HA. My rent is 4 times hers, she had roughly the same income but always told me she had help do xyz and yet was always skint. She told me she was gonna try to buy it because they were going to help her with the deposit. Never had money for the stuff needed but had it for whatever was wanted. At the time I was always irritated but I reflected a lot and you know she was never happy. Her life was worse than anyone else’s and there was always a dilemma. I realised that actually I was really fortunate - maybe not financially but I am far happier and am lucky that I have great supportive family and we work together as a team. It’s not always about the money.

There are some really vile birches on this thread. Mental health issues affect everyone differently, imagine being such a selfish nd twisted person that instead of being happy that some people who need it are supported (by no means all who need it are sadly) they feel the need to proclaim how they work despite having x, y or z, and feel the need to judge OPs friend, someone they have never met and who's social housing has no bearing on their life.

You're no friend either OP, hopefully she has better friends that don't run off to an anon message board to whine about it. I grew up in social housing and I'm pleased for people who are afforded the same.

As others PP's have mentioned, it's really hard to get PIP, so your friend clearly needs and would feel worse if she found out her 'friend' was judging her. Disability benefits are really hard to get, which is something people don't realise a lot of the time. It's not dished out on a plate!

You pay 4 x market value rent for your property? Or do you mean she recieved housing benefit to pay towards the rent, someone anyone can get if eligible- social housing or private?

The real issue is that there is a lack of decent affordable rental housing in this country and years of low interest rates and government encouragement has led to lots of people being pushed into buying homes which they can only just afford. Now that finances are getting tighter, for many people owning a home must feel like a bit of a millstone. It is expensive and as a lot of the UK housing stock is old there is a lot of expensive maintenance. Of course, there are also plenty of homeowners who can afford it and are very happy in their situation.

Social housing can be great if you are eligible and can get a place. In many areas it's in sort supply so people struggle in expensive private rentals which is also tough. In all walks of life there will be people who are deserving of social housing who don't get given it and I am sure there are always one or two people who do that might not appear to, but we don't always know people's full circumstances.

Op try to be happy for your friend, her life could be very different if she were in a different situation. I know a couple of people with ptsd who work full time and manage it with lots of therapy. I also know someone with what I suspect is undiagnosed ptsd who is unable to work and can become very unstable if pushed out of their comfort zone, they are supported by family.

As for the decking, it is expensive. I've seen some videos of people making their own out of old pallets, people are always giving pallets away near me maybe you could try that?