To be sad about being an only child?

[Itsjustmeonmyown]

I am 38, an only child to two wonderful parents.
They desperately wanted more children but had fertility issues and it took them an age to just have me. They were unable to have any further children.
As I get older, I am finding myself more and more upset about being an only child. Seeing how well friends get on with their sisters, having support if parents get ill and when they're old and you're having to sort out their affairs etc.
I have cousins, but I am not close to them. I am married and have children of my own, but I really wish I had a sibling.
I am close to my parents and of course I worry about when they're not here anymore.
YABU - being an only child is great/suck it up buttercup
YANBU - it is hard and can be lonely

YANBU of course to feel how you do, your feelings are valid. It’s easy to compare your situation to other people, I have one brother but we are not close and hardly speak. We aren’t on bad terms but certainly don’t have the close relationship some people have with their siblings.
I know it will be easier when my mum gets older potentially if there’s two of us, but genuinely those with siblings do not always get on or have the ideal set up that it may look like.

I agree. By this logic there’s no point to any kind of human relationship. Friends fall out all the time but no one says ‘don’t make friends with people in case you fall out with them down the line.’

The point is that a sibling relationship can be a positive thing to have - and as an only child you have no chance at having it. Ever.

And even when siblings aren’t the best of friends they can still be a positive presence in each other’s lives. My husband and his brother aren’t close. They have no common interests, they irritate each other and they can go months and months without even exchanging a text. But they still have a special bond. They love each other and each knows the other would help him unconditionally in a difficult situation. As an only child you can feel very alone in the world especially as your parents age.

Same here. I have a sibling who has hated me since the day I was born. My childhood would have been much happier if I'd been an only.

YANBU. My Mum was an only child and desperately wanted siblings which is why she had two. My sister and I are very close and we really value having each other especially in Mums last few years (our Dad died young) and everything was decided between us. There was no argument. My sister and I both have three children and they all have a good relationship which I think is lovely. I do think there are sine advantages to being/having an only child but for me, the advantage of having siblings far outweighs these.

I also feel sad. I always wanted a sister, still do. Quite envious of sister relationships, but there’s no point dwelling as there’s nothing I can do. I just totally understand how you feel (I’m 30).

I’m in a similar position, and a similar age to you. I was brought up by my mum, and never had any contact with my father or his family (after he left when I was 2).

I also have no grandparents (my mum’s parents died before I was born), no uncles, no aunts, and no cousins (my mum is an only child too).

I have a lovely DH now and two DC now (and count myself very lucky) but yeah, I’ve wished for a big bustling family many many times. I had lots of friends as a child but did sometimes feel lonely at home.

I’m 35 and an only child. It was always just me and my mum, she got pregnant with me while her and my dad were getting a divorce 🤦🏼‍♀️ He found a new wife pretty soon after I was born and wanted nothing to do with me. My mum has been single since! I always wished I had a sibling. I still do. It’s lonely x

My mum also stayed single - I think my dad is onto his fourth marriage! I always hoped she’d find someone nice.

My brother was my best friend until we were in our 20s. Then he met his wife and dropped me like a hot brick. Rarely answers texts these days, didn't bother to join me and my parents for Christmas, didn't give a damn when I ended up in hospital for a week, and has basically turned into someone I just don't recognise. I thought we'd always be close and we'd be there for each other when our parents are no longer around but he's made it clear he doesn't care. Better no siblings than a total tosser of a sibling, so look at things that way!

It's interesting. Because you are imagining something that is amazing. When sibling relationships can Actually be deeply damaging. And they can take a lot of your life.

I have one older brother. When I was a teenager I wished I was an only child. My brother was constantly very troubled and was constantly in and out of trouble. He also slit his wrists numerous times as a teenager. And self harmed. I remember at age 13, I was never able to relax and just enjoy being in my own life, as I was constantly constantly worried and stressed about my brother. I had to live with him so I had to see him and his problems every single day.

When we became adults, it was the same thing. His constant problems and troubles really drained me for a lot of my adult life. .

Siblings can be very damaging. There are definitely times that I wished I was an only child

Mine is on his third! He was an awful husband to my mum, he drank a lot and disappeared for days, he had an affair. Put my mum off men for life 😬

YANBU. I'm an only child (late 30s) of older separated parents, each with their own health issues now.
I've always felt guilty for feeling it because I am of course grateful they're both still here. However it can sometimes feel quite lonely being solely responsible for both of them, particularly while trying not to mention each to the other.
I'd have loved having a sibling or two to split the load and the holidays. I appreciate that would come with its own worries, though, so I guess the grass is always greener

YADNBU.

Also a Lonely Only.

Didn’t bother me as a kid as I didn’t know any different, but the older I get the lonelier I feel.

I'm older (mid 50s) and an only one to older parents for the 60s.
Fair enough some people don't get on with their siblings but I think it's not just about being friends with them. It's also about learning how to stick up for yourself and being assertive so you don't end up becoming a people pleasing door mat. My parents had a lot of expectations that I sadly never fulfilled. You end up being the focus of their hopes and aspirations which can be a big burden to carry.

I'm not an only but I might as well be! Both my parents have passed in recent years and were unwell for several years but my DB lives abroad and we're not close.
I was pleased when I got married and had 2 sisters-in-law but I'm not close to either. Neither of my SILs or my DB have children (all 50+ now so won't happen now) so my 2 DC have no cousins which I find sad. I feel it most at Christmas when I see people have big family get togethers. We only saw PIL at Christmas.
We are happy though I know what you mean OP as I'd love a close sibling.

I have a brother who is a complete arsehole. Life should be easier without his help with my eldery mum.

Loved growing up as an only. Lovely peaceful house, engaged parents but taught me to be self sufficient. Still have a great relationship. Yes some of my friends have great siblings bonds but some are awful, cause no end of problems and there will be huge fights over parents estates.
Im contented

I think you get lonelier as you get older whether or not you have siblings.

I feel much like you do op, especially around the holidays, so thanks for making this thread, reading it has given me some much needed perspective!

Having a sibling is only good if you get on. Poll of my friends with brothers and sisters is about 70% have bad or non existent relationships with their siblings.

I became an only when my lovely brother died but I am Auntie Roberta to two sets of my friend's DC. Family don't have to be blood relatives at all.
In any case, you may have noticed on the news recently that siblings do not always get on well!