To be sad about being an only child?

[Itsjustmeonmyown]

I am 38, an only child to two wonderful parents.
They desperately wanted more children but had fertility issues and it took them an age to just have me. They were unable to have any further children.
As I get older, I am finding myself more and more upset about being an only child. Seeing how well friends get on with their sisters, having support if parents get ill and when they're old and you're having to sort out their affairs etc.
I have cousins, but I am not close to them. I am married and have children of my own, but I really wish I had a sibling.
I am close to my parents and of course I worry about when they're not here anymore.
YABU - being an only child is great/suck it up buttercup
YANBU - it is hard and can be lonely

God how awful, I’m sorry.

I find onlies to be quite intense/serious characters which often seem more mature than their years, which is both good and bad. Kids from big families tend to be a bit more immature and ‘silly’/laid back, unless they’re the oldest. Again both good and bad.

I know this probably wasn’t meant in this way, but these kinds of sweeping generalisations are so unhelpful, and so tiring.

You are right to be jealous of those that have siblings to share. Dh is the youngest of 4, and effectively having 8 adults to help made the world of difference in managing his parents care.
I am (was) one of 3. My db died and my sister has never done anything day to day so it all falls to me anyway.

@Work2live i didn’t mean it in any particular way, it’s just an observation from personal experience, that everything has pros and cons.

I’m the same age and also an only.
Childhood was lonely, never allowed friends round, no one to play with.
I worry about having to deal with everything alone when parents pass away.
I have friends who are best friends with their siblings and friends who barely speak to their siblings so I know that nothing is guaranteed relationship wise but at least if you have a sibling, you have a chance.

It's really interesting to read everyone's opinions and experiences and nice to know I am not alone.

I am so sorry to hear about those whose siblings have passed away 😔

This. ^

I have very little contact with my one brother and DH has very little with his. They live in other countries. No rift. Just drifted apart over about a decade and a half. I barely know my 2 nephews (both mid to late teens now.) DH barely knows his niece. Contact is infrequent and rare. Last saw any of them 5 or 6 years ago.

I know many people who have siblings who they have NO relationship with at all, sometimes there is a rift, sometimes it's coz they live 100s or 1000s of miles away.

As for the comments about 'it's so hard for an 'only' when the parents become elderly/infirm,' in MOST families, it's the FEMALE who ends up doing everything anyway, and in cases where there is more than one female, the oldest is usually the carer/fetcher and carrier for the parents. Often whilst holding down a job, looking after kids still at home, and sometimes looking after grandchildren too.

It is a myth that people with a sibling/multiple siblings will have a great easy ride in life, lots of help with their parents when they grow very old, and a lovely Waltons-type relationship. It just doesn't happen. Not for the vast majority of people. Even in the families where they LOOK like a lovely, cosy, family-is-everything lot, there's a 90% chance one half secretly hates the other half.

I am sorry you feel blue about being an 'only' @Itsjustmeonmyown but as the poster I quoted said, your beliefs are a fantasy.

Having a sibling has brought nothing positive to my life. I'd have loved to be an only child and have an only myself through choice because of that. However, you are NBU to feel the way you feel.

Surprised anyone can suggest YABU.

Of course you cannot change your circumstances and having siblings can come with it's own challenges, but I don't think YABU to want them.

You seldom hear people with siblings say they wish they were an only child.

DH hates being an only. One of the reasons we had three.

Life is a mixed bag of blessings: good health, money, partner, kids. A good sibling relationship can definitely be a big enhancement to life, but the absence of this should hopefully not make the other good things in your life seem meaningless.

Hi OP, another only here. Trust me with sorting out the affairs it will be a lot easier with one person as there will be no arguing. You will be able to sort it as per your parents wishes. The looking after elderly parents I totally understand that worry but with your DH and possibly DC if they are old enough, you will build a support system. My DH has already shown how incredible he can be with regards to this and I do hope when the time comes my DC will be old enough to help a little like I did with my grandparents.
And you can tell your DC about your younger years with your parents that will be a way to reminisce. I sometimes feel I was there when others tell me their stories, it’s a nice way to connect.

I am one of four female with 3 brothers. If my parents were to die we would not keep in touch. We are very different and not close at all, we don't really make contact unless it is a rare occasion. My sister in law has 2 sisters and they are so close, always off on holidays and having family gatherings. Just because you have siblings doesnt mean to say you would be close.

@Therightman999isbackagain You OK hun?

I totally understand where you come from as an only child. The only remotely plus side (if at all) is my only parent died recently and as such what I have said has gone, so no arguments over funeral, will, etc. Just utterly depressing that no one knows my childhood as such. But life is lived forward and you have to find your own peace otherwise you miss out on what you do have.

Oooft wtf is going on there.

😂😂😂

Yep, this

I honest could have written your post! It never bothered me as a child but it does now. Unfortunately my mum has dementia and it is so hard knowing there is no one there to share the load, or remember the mum she was.

@TossieFleacake

You put it perfectly. I am also in my 40s, and suddenly find being an only child frightening.

The loss of parents is painful for everyone, but I think you're right that there's an additional anxiety about the childhood part of your life disappearing. At Christmas I find myself saying to my DC, 'when I was little we used to...' and then becoming confused. Did we? How can I check up?

I have an almost-reflex response to look on my phone for photos and videos but of course there aren't any. Lots of holiday snaps in albums, but nothing that really conveys (as iPhones do so easily) the tenor of everyday life.

YANBU for feeling the way you do but as others have said you never what the situation would be like had you had siblings. Both my parents had siblings and by the time they were in their 50's neither of them had siblings left.

I have 2 siblings although we are not close. Probably only see them once a year at most. One never gets in touch in between visits, the other does - probably every couple of months. We've never fallen out - just lead different lives in different parts of the country.

DS is an only now - his older sibling died 6 years ago . I do worry about him once we're no longer around. He doesn't have a lot of contact with his cousins and as both myself and DH are the youngest siblings by a number of years there's a good chance all DS's older relatives may be gone by the time we are.